Confidence for kids

[specialmom]

As a parent, you want your kids to have inner confidence.  This comes easily for some kids and others have to work at it.  So, I thought we could compile a list of ways to build confidence in our kids.

Here are some of my suggestions---- these are things to talk to your kids about and work with them on.  They might involve role playing or talking through a situation.

1.  Accept compliments.  Many kids have trouble with this.  Heck, so do a lot of adults.  Help kids to know that they say thank you and then OWN the compliment.  None of the "no I don't" or "no I'm not" stuff.  Own it.

2. Simply smile.  Smile more often.  Smile at everyone, anyone, at nothing at all.  Smiling changes the atmosphere and draws people to you.

3. Make an accomplishment book.  Work on a 'book' in which a child records things that they are proud of or feel they do well.  Even little kids can do this before they write as they can draw pictures and you can write a note on the page for them.  (on a bad day, this is good to look at!)

4.  Stand tall.  Good posture, walking tall sends a message.  I worked on this with my boys----  you give off a strong and confident appearance and others believe you are.  As you are then treated this way, you start to believe it.  

5.  Friend choices.  Help kids understand that we should surround ourselves with people that make us feel good.  Everyone has a bad day but if someone is consistently negative, you should choose to spend your time with someone else.  

6.  Job completion.  Give kids ways to be successful and accomplish a task.  Give them lots of praise when they finish something you have asked them to do.  This can be simple chores(emptying their trash cans in their room)  or a project of doing something with mom and dad (putting together a shelf).
A sense of accomplishment can be very empowering.

7. Look in a  mirror and say I love you.  Sounds corny but I'll tell you something that my astute 8 year old did.  He was going through a bad time earlier in the school year----  he brought me a picture and told me he needed tape to put it on his bedroom wall.  It was a picture of himself and he wrote "I love you!" under it.  I asked about it and he said it was to remind himself of that.  He did this on his own and that picture is still on his wall.  

8.  take small pieces of paper and put markers on the table.  Then get out enough jars for everyone in the family ---  or whatever container you like.  They can even decorate the container.  Then take some time to have everyone write things on the pieces of paper about family members that they really like including things that they like about themselves.  Put in individual jars for the person the jar is designated for.  And then you can either draw one out every night at dinner and read a good thing about yourself OR just keep your jar and pull out a slip of paper whenever you feel down.  Reminders of what is good about you.

9.  Dinner table listening.  By listening to your kids you show them that they are interesting people worthy of your time.  Ask questions.  Ask for their opinions and take interest in how they came to a conclusion about something.  
I also like to do Highs and Lows for the day at the dinner table.  

10.  Emphasize the positives!!  If your child has any area that shines--------  pursue it and make a big deal out of it.  

11.  Care for someone (or thing) else.  Getting your kids to care for someone else makes them feel REALLY good.  Offer to babysit a younger child and have your child help you.  Or take care of a neighbors pet (if you don't have one).  My kids always help with feeding and water for our pet.  And they get a kick out of being the 'big guys' when we babysit a younger child.  

12.  As your child is working on something that is hard----  praise them for the little steps in progress they make.  They feel good, they keep trying.  

13.  Be a postive mirror for your kids.  That means to reflect back to them that they are good kids and worthy of everything they want in the world.

14. Connect.  Actually connect with the kids by 'doing' something with them that you enjoy as well.  Shared activity makes everyone feel good and a child worthy of your time.

So, I'll keep thinking of ideas and anyone who wants to add to the list-------- Please do! :>)

[specialmom]

Oh, I'm happy to help build any child's confidence!!  So I'm glad you found this helpful.  And you are right Ku, we can all use reminders on helping our own esteem.

Here is something you can do with preschoolers.  Kids around 4 and 5 or maybe even younger.  It is the 'bucket' idea.  If you think of everyone as having a bucket----  have an outline of a bucket for them to color and put their name on it.   We can 'fill' someone's bucket with things that make them feel good.  Compliments, smiles, helping them.  This fills that bucket up!!!  We 'empty' their bucket by saying mean things to them, hurting them, or ignoring them.  Then their bucket is empty and they are sad.  I'd send my boys off to school and tell them to 'fill a friends bucket today!"  And when you do that for your friend, they do it for you!!  Just a little awareness illustration for young kids about how what we do and say affects how someone else feels.  

[adgal]

And yet another post from you that I will be printing off and keeping handy.  Confidence is so very important.  You know I work with more then one child physcolgist, and I often chat with them about issues like bullying and how to "bully proof" your child.  The answer over and over again is helping them to be confident.  So this is something DH and I discuss often..how to help our son grow up as confident as possible.  I just love this list and will be referring to it often.  Thanks again my friend!

[ku111]

Awsome suggestions!  We all might want to remember to love ourselves, smile more, laugh more, and accept and give compliments.  Thank you!  I think I'll take more time to do this also!  Life gets so busy but it really is important.  Thanks again!