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Is it normal for a 4 and a half year old girl to say she's a boy?
My daughter is four years old and 8 months old. She love to play pretend, but she always like to pretend she's some male (and mean) character: Scar from Lion King, the horse from Tangled, Pong from 101 Dalmatians, the prince in Sleeping Beauty or LIttle Mermaid... the list goes on and on. She was a shy little girl until she started going to pre-school last year. She became way more outgoing with children her age (both girls and boys) soon after she started going to pre-school. At school she started hanging out with this one boy. They became best friends. The second half of the year she became friends with another boy and another boy. She will hang out with one boy at a time. She also had girl friends, but not at school. Just daughters of friends of mine, and she loves (still does) playing with them. This is her second year at the same school, with the same class and most of her friends are boys, but now she plays with a group of them and there are also a couple of other girls in the group. However, recently, my daughter has started saying she's a boy. She doesn't get mad when I tell her she's a girl. She's still wearing normal girls clothes but she doesn't like to wear dresses. About year and a half she was into dresses, but now she doesn't want to wear them. Two nights I had this dialogue with her:
Me: Are you a boy or a girl?
Daughter: I'm a boy.
Me: Do you want to be a boy? or are you a boy?
Daughter: I'm a boy.
Me: Why do you think you're a boy?
Daughter: Because I like boys.
Me: What do you like about boys?
Daughter: I don't know.
Me: Why do you like boys?
Daughter: I don't like girls.
Me: Why don't you like girls?
Daughter (sadly): Because they don't like playing with me.
Then I reminded about her girl friends who she used to play with during the summer and her face lit up. She asked me to go to the house of one of them to play (which I'll be arranging for next week).
My question is, does my daughter have this Gender Identity Disorder (or something like that) people keep talking about these day? Or is this kind of normal? Is she saying she's a boy so the her boy friends at school keep playing with her? My native language is Spanish and I speak only Spanish to my daughter (she's bilingual. My husband is American and only speaks English) and in Spanish every adjective is either masculine or feminine. My daughter always uses the feminine form when talking about herself.
Once, when she told me she was a prince I said: You can't be a prince. You're a girl" And she said: I know, Mom, but I'm pretending to be a boy who's pretending to be a prince :-). What do you think?
Thank you!
Me: Are you a boy or a girl?
Daughter: I'm a boy.
Me: Do you want to be a boy? or are you a boy?
Daughter: I'm a boy.
Me: Why do you think you're a boy?
Daughter: Because I like boys.
Me: What do you like about boys?
Daughter: I don't know.
Me: Why do you like boys?
Daughter: I don't like girls.
Me: Why don't you like girls?
Daughter (sadly): Because they don't like playing with me.
Then I reminded about her girl friends who she used to play with during the summer and her face lit up. She asked me to go to the house of one of them to play (which I'll be arranging for next week).
My question is, does my daughter have this Gender Identity Disorder (or something like that) people keep talking about these day? Or is this kind of normal? Is she saying she's a boy so the her boy friends at school keep playing with her? My native language is Spanish and I speak only Spanish to my daughter (she's bilingual. My husband is American and only speaks English) and in Spanish every adjective is either masculine or feminine. My daughter always uses the feminine form when talking about herself.
Once, when she told me she was a prince I said: You can't be a prince. You're a girl" And she said: I know, Mom, but I'm pretending to be a boy who's pretending to be a prince :-). What do you think?
Thank you!
Your story explains my situation. Some days I am worried and some days I am just fine. My daughter is 4 years old, beautiful and smart girl. What worries me is that she always pretends to be male character of these movies. Sometimes, She pretends to be Elsa, mommy or one of her favorite teachers, but not that often. Would you please keep in touch with me as well and let me know how you are coping. I found out a psychologist from the internet that beleives in early intervention in childhood with gender identity disorder. His rate is $115 for half an hour. I have not talked to him yet. I am thinking of talking to him to have a peace of mind that I am handling my child correctly and I do not regret it later on. Your research is the same as mine that you just do not know until they reach puberty and it becomes more clear whether it was just childhood phase or else. However, the psychologist talks about more psychological problems that could exist with children that could be corrected.
I cannot tell you how much this is helping me to talk to you and share thoughts. We have so much in common! I've never told anyone about this before except for my mother. I have so much to say. Can I PM you and give you my email so we can chat??
This is just to apologize for the many typos! I wrote so fast I made lost of mistakes. I hope you still understand what I wrote :-) ~ Cali
Dear Nikki, I feel, hope, and am confident our daughter will grow out of this and we'll be able to laugh about our concerns at some point. For what I've seen and read (and it's been a lot! There were days I would spend three or four hours desperately searching the internet hoping to fine an answer), children who are transgender are way more determined to be the opposite sex. They'll get furious if you tell them they're NOT what they claim to be. For what you tell me, that's not happening with your daughter and it's never happened with mine either. Another things I was told to look at is her mannerisms. Does your daughter naturally act more like a boy or like a girl? I mean, look at things like the way she talks, the way she walk, the way she seats. Mine has so much energy runs and jumps as much as any other boy, but she's also very sweet in the way she talks and gentle in the way she handles her toys. She plays with cars, but she does it in a very different way a boy would: she makes families with them :-) A big red car is the dad, a medium red car is the mom and a tiny one is the baby :-). Or she uses the cars to take her princesses places :-).
Let me tell you a little bit about my own childhood: a LOVED superheroes, didn't like dolls, didn't like dresses too much (I thought they were so uncomfortable), my favorite color has always been blue and I remember pretending I was Spider- Man and jumping from furniture to furniture.... True, I don't remember EVER wanting to be a boy or even wondering if I was a boy. Somehow I always knew I was a girl and didn't even question the fact. At least, I don't remember doing it.
Let me tell you another thing, at first I didn't worry at ALL about my daughter saying sometimes that she was a boy, wanted to be a boy or wishing she was boy.... because she also said she was a lion, that she wanted to be a tiger, or that she wished she could fly.... I started to freak out when at my work, the had three transgender people sharing their experience with us. One of them was a transgender boy. He/She was born a girl and said she had always identified with male characters, she had always pretended to be male character and things like that... Well, that's what threw me down a spiral of panic and despair. My point is, you mom is right! Back in the day, parents wouldn't think anything of it and that kind of comments out of children mouths would be considered funny of cute! These days with all the attention given to the GLBT community and constant talks about these issues, well, we parents have one more thing to worry about :-(.
I could write for hours! but I'm going to finish now and I'm going to leave you with an article I found on line a while ago and that gave me some peace of mind. Here's the link:
http://www.rolereboot.org/culture-and-politics/details/2013-08-when-i-was-a-boy
Let me know what you think :-). Hopefully, at some point you'll feel the way I did: I don't want to remember my daughter's childhood years as a time to despair and concern. I just want to enjoy how happy she is, how funny she is, how sweet she is, and how special she is. I'm determined to live one day at a time and be there for her no matter what. A big hug for you ~ Cali
Let me tell you a little bit about my own childhood: a LOVED superheroes, didn't like dolls, didn't like dresses too much (I thought they were so uncomfortable), my favorite color has always been blue and I remember pretending I was Spider- Man and jumping from furniture to furniture.... True, I don't remember EVER wanting to be a boy or even wondering if I was a boy. Somehow I always knew I was a girl and didn't even question the fact. At least, I don't remember doing it.
Let me tell you another thing, at first I didn't worry at ALL about my daughter saying sometimes that she was a boy, wanted to be a boy or wishing she was boy.... because she also said she was a lion, that she wanted to be a tiger, or that she wished she could fly.... I started to freak out when at my work, the had three transgender people sharing their experience with us. One of them was a transgender boy. He/She was born a girl and said she had always identified with male characters, she had always pretended to be male character and things like that... Well, that's what threw me down a spiral of panic and despair. My point is, you mom is right! Back in the day, parents wouldn't think anything of it and that kind of comments out of children mouths would be considered funny of cute! These days with all the attention given to the GLBT community and constant talks about these issues, well, we parents have one more thing to worry about :-(.
I could write for hours! but I'm going to finish now and I'm going to leave you with an article I found on line a while ago and that gave me some peace of mind. Here's the link:
http://www.rolereboot.org/culture-and-politics/details/2013-08-when-i-was-a-boy
Let me know what you think :-). Hopefully, at some point you'll feel the way I did: I don't want to remember my daughter's childhood years as a time to despair and concern. I just want to enjoy how happy she is, how funny she is, how sweet she is, and how special she is. I'm determined to live one day at a time and be there for her no matter what. A big hug for you ~ Cali
Thanks so much for responding. I used to do exactly the same thing. I would pray that my daughter didn't want to be a boy and that she felt good being a girl. I also thought were days I felt my prayers were being answered, other days I said it was no use. Things would be the way they would be and I couldn't control or change that. Since, I have prayed to keep my daughter safe and that I'm confident God will take her down the path she needs to be. To be perfectly honest, they are just words right now, I still am deeply concerned, and although I believe in prayer, I don’t believe my words (if that makes any sense).
Yes, she's seen Frozen several times and sings all the songs. She loves the movie. She has the dresses and wears them on occasion. We love Disney - she does as well. It's a family thing. I know some don't care for the Disney movie messages. We like and read the Princess Adventure Stories, which is a book where the original Disney princesses do the saving. It's a great book, but I still feel like she identifies with the male characters more.
Recently, she told me her "mind" tells her to be half girl/boy. I asked her is this for pretend or for real? She went back and forth and finally said "pretend." She says, “When my mind says I'm a boy, I tell my mind I'm a girl, because my heart says so." She says, "I just pretend to be a boy sometimes." I feel like this topic constantly comes up, and I wish it wouldn't. I don't know anymore how much she's actually being totally honest because (not intentionally), I've made it seem like something is wrong with it. She is always talking about girl/boy stuff. It drives me nuts. I think back to when I was a child and my mother said she never had any of these conversations with me, but then again my mom said they probably wouldn't have thought much about it back then. She would have been considered a "tomboy." Even though I don't like that she takes on male characters, I told her it was OK to pretend, but she was born a girl. I did speak to a good Dr about this and she said it is common (but you just never hear about it because no parent wants to admit it), but she said some actually are this way for years and grow up to be straight women who marry men. Some don’t. She said, my daughter is a "saver" and a "helper". She said she could be trying to be that for me and exploring other characters, and I should embrace that. She told me to enroll her in drama classes and that other kids who were experiencing this “tug or war” did great it drama where they could express themselves. However, if it persists to puberty, then that's a different story, one chapter I'm not ready to enter.
Yes, she's seen Frozen several times and sings all the songs. She loves the movie. She has the dresses and wears them on occasion. We love Disney - she does as well. It's a family thing. I know some don't care for the Disney movie messages. We like and read the Princess Adventure Stories, which is a book where the original Disney princesses do the saving. It's a great book, but I still feel like she identifies with the male characters more.
Recently, she told me her "mind" tells her to be half girl/boy. I asked her is this for pretend or for real? She went back and forth and finally said "pretend." She says, “When my mind says I'm a boy, I tell my mind I'm a girl, because my heart says so." She says, "I just pretend to be a boy sometimes." I feel like this topic constantly comes up, and I wish it wouldn't. I don't know anymore how much she's actually being totally honest because (not intentionally), I've made it seem like something is wrong with it. She is always talking about girl/boy stuff. It drives me nuts. I think back to when I was a child and my mother said she never had any of these conversations with me, but then again my mom said they probably wouldn't have thought much about it back then. She would have been considered a "tomboy." Even though I don't like that she takes on male characters, I told her it was OK to pretend, but she was born a girl. I did speak to a good Dr about this and she said it is common (but you just never hear about it because no parent wants to admit it), but she said some actually are this way for years and grow up to be straight women who marry men. Some don’t. She said, my daughter is a "saver" and a "helper". She said she could be trying to be that for me and exploring other characters, and I should embrace that. She told me to enroll her in drama classes and that other kids who were experiencing this “tug or war” did great it drama where they could express themselves. However, if it persists to puberty, then that's a different story, one chapter I'm not ready to enter.
Dear Nikki, I wish we lived close by and we could have our daughters play together! I bet they would get along just fine! :-). Let me tell you that I know exactly how you're feeling, and I want to share with you the things that worked for me. It's been almost 6 months since my first post and I'm in a much better place right now. The first thing that helped was to talk with my daughter's pediatrician. He's a GREAT doctor! Everything that he has predicted about my daughter has come true. He said MANY girls go through this thing and that only 0.5 out of 10 grow up to actually be transgender. Well, that gave me some piece of mind.
Also, I recently became friends with a woman who has two children a boy who's 7 and a girl who's almost 5. Well, the girl likes playing with boys, likes super heroes and enjoys playing with cars. That gave me some peace of mind,too, because it helped me see that my daughter was NOT the only daughter exhibiting this behavior.
Has your daughter seen Frozen yet? Mine has and ever since she watched it she started pretending (for the first time) she was a female character: Elsa. She has Elsa and Anna (Barbie dolls) and she sleeps with them and plays with them all the time. She still likes to pretend she's some male character. What I've told her is that it's perfectly fine to pretend she's a boy or a male character, as long as she doesn't forget that she's really a girl. So now, sometimes, if she's pretending to be a boy she looks at me and says: I'm just pretending, mommy. I know I'm a girl" :-)
Not too long ago I heard a little boy ask her "are you a boy or a girl?" My daughter didn't even hesitated and said: "I'm a girl" :-). I smiled :-). On another occasion, at home, she was wearing a white night gown with orange and pink flamingos and she looked at herself in the mirror. She said: "I'm a girl. I like the way I am" I smiled again :-).
I don't know if you're a religious person. I am. For a while I was desperately praying that my daughter didn't want to be a boy; that she felt good being a girl. There were days I felt my prayers were being answered. There were times I felt disappointed. Now I only pray that I am able to accept my daughter the way she is; that I can enjoy her and be there for her no matter what; that I'm able to accept God's will no matter what that is. That's working way better for me.
My daughter sill like to play with cars, but she also plays with her Barbie dolls. She likes to wear her daddy's ties, and her favorite cloths are shorts and t-shirs, but she's getting more comfortable about wearing dresses. Her best friends are boys, but she plays well with girls. She's happy and healthy and that's all I care about.
Hope this helps. If you want to keep talking, feel free to keep writing. Believe me, I KNOW exactly how you're feeling!! A big hug! ~ Cali
Also, I recently became friends with a woman who has two children a boy who's 7 and a girl who's almost 5. Well, the girl likes playing with boys, likes super heroes and enjoys playing with cars. That gave me some peace of mind,too, because it helped me see that my daughter was NOT the only daughter exhibiting this behavior.
Has your daughter seen Frozen yet? Mine has and ever since she watched it she started pretending (for the first time) she was a female character: Elsa. She has Elsa and Anna (Barbie dolls) and she sleeps with them and plays with them all the time. She still likes to pretend she's some male character. What I've told her is that it's perfectly fine to pretend she's a boy or a male character, as long as she doesn't forget that she's really a girl. So now, sometimes, if she's pretending to be a boy she looks at me and says: I'm just pretending, mommy. I know I'm a girl" :-)
Not too long ago I heard a little boy ask her "are you a boy or a girl?" My daughter didn't even hesitated and said: "I'm a girl" :-). I smiled :-). On another occasion, at home, she was wearing a white night gown with orange and pink flamingos and she looked at herself in the mirror. She said: "I'm a girl. I like the way I am" I smiled again :-).
I don't know if you're a religious person. I am. For a while I was desperately praying that my daughter didn't want to be a boy; that she felt good being a girl. There were days I felt my prayers were being answered. There were times I felt disappointed. Now I only pray that I am able to accept my daughter the way she is; that I can enjoy her and be there for her no matter what; that I'm able to accept God's will no matter what that is. That's working way better for me.
My daughter sill like to play with cars, but she also plays with her Barbie dolls. She likes to wear her daddy's ties, and her favorite cloths are shorts and t-shirs, but she's getting more comfortable about wearing dresses. Her best friends are boys, but she plays well with girls. She's happy and healthy and that's all I care about.
Hope this helps. If you want to keep talking, feel free to keep writing. Believe me, I KNOW exactly how you're feeling!! A big hug! ~ Cali
I just want to add a few more comments to my post earlier on April 20th. My daughter seems to admire boys. She stares at them in a way that makes me feel she doesn’t just like them, she wants to be like them or be them. I can’t explain it. But, it would go with all the other behaviors she’s exhibiting that I mentioned above. Also, her answers are changing so much or go back and forth, I feel like she’s not being completely honest or not telling me things because she doesn’t want to disappoint me or for me to be mad. I’ve told her I want her to be honest, but my behavior may say something else when she’s telling me how she feels. Probably because this is killing me inside. Again, anyone who can share their experience or who had this issue and have grown children now and what happened to them, I would really appreciate.
I am going through the same thing w/ my 5 yr old daughter. I have cried over it, worried, dreaded conversations. It's up and down. Some days I think things are fine, other days I feel like they aren't. My daughter is a beautiful child, so much so, that people constantly stop me to say how beautiful she is. She's very athletic and smart. Since about 3, I've noticed she likes "boy" things and prefers the male characters during play. Some of her mannerisms are boyish and she often stares at boys, especially if they have no shirt. Then she will comment why doesn't he have a shirt on? She plays w/ both boys and girls and we have mostly play dates with girls. If her girl friend has two dolls - a princess and a prince, and her friend wants the princess doll, she will happily take the prince doll. I feel like she aligns more with boys. Growing up, I would have fought over the princess doll. I played with He-Man growing up, but I never wanted to be He-Man. She does has a Sofia dress (that I bought her) and a few other princess dresses, and wears them on occasion, but I wonder if I didn't mention the dresses, would she put them on? She wears dresses rarely (holidays) and prefers shorts, pants or skirts (with shorts under). If I didn't do all her clothes shopping, I think she would go for boys clothes more. She loves super-hero's and says she wants to be one. A while ago, when she was 4, and I thought the "boy" thing was becoming an issue, I asked her, "if there was one thing you could change, what would it be?" She said "to be a boy." I acted calm but my face must have turned white and I was panicked on the inside. I felt like I had a heart attack. Since then I've asked simiar things and she says, "well sometimes I want to be a boy and sometimes a girl - like half and half." I told her you are a girl, you can't be half and half. I said it was OK to pretend, which is make-believe. Then she said she doesn't really want to be a boy, her mind just thinks about it in her dreams. I said when you're awake or asleep? She said awake. She said "I sometimes think about being a boy then my heart says no." I basically grilled her to try and get answers cause I was so confused. She didn't know why she thought it. I feel the more I ask, she changes her answers to only wanting to be a girl. Sometimes she says she wants to get married/have a baby when she's an adult. Other times she said she doesn't and afraid it will hurt. I don't know what to believe or what to think, and I don't know if she knows. She carries her babies around everywhere though. This has been going on for about 2 yrs. I thought if it was just a phase, it would have been long gone. I don't know what all this means. I have been struggling with it. My daughter can see I'm upset about it and I'm fearing not telling me the whole truth cause I cry or get upset when she talks about it. I'm so worried & concerned I talked to a Dr. about it, who said there's no way to know until puberty. If it persists, then it might be something or if it's a phase. Can anyone offer some other thoughts on this?? Anyone who had this issue and have grown children now and what happened to them?? It's consuming me. Thanks.
Well, today I went to talk to my daughter's pediatrician (I don't know why I didn't do it sooner) because after her latest comment ("I know what I'm going to ask Santa: A machine that would turn me into a boy!") I freaked out all over again. Her doctor was extremely patient and reassuring. He and I talked for an hour! He feels my daughter is simply playing and exploring different roles. He says he's seen a lot of girls do what my daughter is doing and that they have been fine. He feels that because she's not rejecting everything female (she pretends she's giving birth to her Teady bear, for example) chances of her turning out to be transgender are unlikely. After all, he said, that's a very rare occurrence, like out of 10 girls exhibiting this kind of behavior, 0.5 will actually change genders. So, I'm feeling more relaxed and optimistic :-). And I really need to stop searching the Internet! A lot of scary things out there :-).
I just wanted to wish you all ladies Happy Holidays and a 2014 that will bring everything you're hoping for. Thank you once again for all your posts and advice. Things have been going well with my daughter. She seems happy and she's really excited about Christmas :-). Every once in a while though, she'll say something that darkens my day. Last night, for example, right before going to bed she asked: "Mommy, why was I born a girl? I wanted to be born a boy".... I wish I could understand what's in her mind and why does she say and ask this kind of things. Well, it is what it is, right? I'm trying to memorize and adopt something I read in Facebook last night: "Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think. not imagine. not obsess. Just breathe. And have faith that everything will work out for the best"... I'm trying. Blessings for you all.
Oh no!!!! I think your workplace is freaking you the **** out! Lol! The minute you calm down they are at it again! What's up with that???
Oh, no I haven't! Let me go take a gander :-) I also sent you a friend request so I can follow your journey:)
Dear Allmymarbles, I keep reading and re-reading your first post. It really makes me feel better, so thank you VERY much for sharing.
Well, I thought I was finally waking up from my personal nightmare. After all, my daughter wore her Rapunzel dress last week and agreed to wear a pink dress for our family Thanksgiving gathering. She even picked a matching headband with a flower on it. All was good. Last night, however, my daughter asked me: "Mommy, when am I going to be a boy? I don't like being a girl".... I said, in my most loving tone, that she'll never be a boy. I told her it was wonderful to be a girl and that she should be proud of being a girl. I told her being a girl was very special because she was going to grow up to be a woman and only women could have babies. I told her someday she could have her own baby. Her face lit up and she said she wanted to have a boy :-). Then she said this boy at her school has been telling her she can't be this or she can't be that. I told her to tell him girls can be whatever they wanted to be. That girls could be astronauts, for example. Then she asked me if girls could be police officers. I said yes! She went to sleep with a smile on her face. Me? I cried for about a minute before falling asleep.
Tomorrow there will be another meeting at my workplace and the topic will be transgender people again. I'm dreading it! I'm barely recovering from the first meeting over a month ago, and now I'm forced to attend another one. We'll see how that goes.
Last night I found another forum where there were at least five different women expressing my exact same fears.The posts were from 2008. I wish I knew what happened to those little girls who also said they wanted to be boys. Somebody on that forum said transgender kids usually say they ARE boys/girls not that they WANT TO BE boys/girls.... That gives me some piece of mind. Yet, there are moments I truly feel I'm in the middle of a nightmare and I just pray to God he would wake me up :-(.
Tomorrow there will be another meeting at my workplace and the topic will be transgender people again. I'm dreading it! I'm barely recovering from the first meeting over a month ago, and now I'm forced to attend another one. We'll see how that goes.
Last night I found another forum where there were at least five different women expressing my exact same fears.The posts were from 2008. I wish I knew what happened to those little girls who also said they wanted to be boys. Somebody on that forum said transgender kids usually say they ARE boys/girls not that they WANT TO BE boys/girls.... That gives me some piece of mind. Yet, there are moments I truly feel I'm in the middle of a nightmare and I just pray to God he would wake me up :-(.
You've gotten some excellent feedback here, just wanted to add my two cents. My son is a just a bit younger then your daughter. His favorite color is pink and among his costumes is a ballerina and a princess lol. Just so you know other kids are doing this too. I personally don't think it means a thing. If it does later on, then so be it, but not something I spend any time thinking about now. Gotta love their creativity!!
I think NOW you are seeing the light! LOL! That is EXACTLY what I meant by information overload! The internet is a great technological advancement but geeeeez u can really get yourself freaked out if your not careful... I love your train of thought now! Your daughter is an absolutely wonderful 4 yr old who is exploring the world around her.
VERY interesting!!! I'll try to get the book. I've always believed that all extremes are negative. I'm certainly glad to see my daughter is not obsessed with princess and all pink, but I'm also glad, at this points, that she likes dolls and princesses... all while still liking cars and airplanes :-). Yesterday my husband and I took our daughter to the movie theater for the very first time. We watched Frozen, the new Disney movie. What a cute movie and it's interesting to see that even Disney is changing the way princesses act and think. They are way less helpless that the classic Cinderella or Snow White. They are aggressive in a positive way and they don't live waiting for a prince to come and rescue them. In Frozen (watch out: spoiler coming :-)) the true love that saves the princess is her sister's love. Beautiful!!! Well, my daughter hasn't let go of her Anna doll (one the main characters in the movie) since yesterday evening and our mission today is to find Elisa, the sister :-).
You know what else I've been thinking this Thanksgiving weekend? Before I came to this forum I read any article that I could find on-line about children gender.... Most of them (not to say all of them) stated that when a child (boy or girl) prefers to play games or with toys typically associated with the opposite sex, then that child suffered from a condition called "gender confusion".... Reading this only made my fears about my daughter gender identity worse! Now I'm starting to feel quite annoyed by such a statement.
I've been thinking a LOT about my own childhood and I remember how much I liked playing with toy cars, and how I would jump from one piece of furniture to the next pretending I was Spider Man, and how I loved to play with the toy soldiers in parachute my dad would buy for me. I remember how I was never crazy about playing with dolls (my daughter is way more into dolls than I was at her age, that's for sure) and I don't remember EVER wearing something pink... of course, back then this craziness about all princess and all pink didn't exist.
My point is I was NEVER confused about my gender. I always knew I was a girl and I grew up to be a heterosexual woman. So, the idea that if a woman or a little girl likes something other than dolls and pink she's confused or there's something wrong with her is sounding more and more ridiculous by the minute!! What do you think?
You know what else I've been thinking this Thanksgiving weekend? Before I came to this forum I read any article that I could find on-line about children gender.... Most of them (not to say all of them) stated that when a child (boy or girl) prefers to play games or with toys typically associated with the opposite sex, then that child suffered from a condition called "gender confusion".... Reading this only made my fears about my daughter gender identity worse! Now I'm starting to feel quite annoyed by such a statement.
I've been thinking a LOT about my own childhood and I remember how much I liked playing with toy cars, and how I would jump from one piece of furniture to the next pretending I was Spider Man, and how I loved to play with the toy soldiers in parachute my dad would buy for me. I remember how I was never crazy about playing with dolls (my daughter is way more into dolls than I was at her age, that's for sure) and I don't remember EVER wearing something pink... of course, back then this craziness about all princess and all pink didn't exist.
My point is I was NEVER confused about my gender. I always knew I was a girl and I grew up to be a heterosexual woman. So, the idea that if a woman or a little girl likes something other than dolls and pink she's confused or there's something wrong with her is sounding more and more ridiculous by the minute!! What do you think?
I read this today and thought maybe it would be of interest to you... Sounds like a good read :-)
In Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Frontlines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture Orenstein sets out to discover the origins and ramifications of this cultural shift. “I didn’t know whether Disney Princesses would be the first salvo in a Hundred Years’ War of dieting, plucking, painting (and perpetual dissatisfaction with the results),” she writes. “But, for me they became a trigger for the larger question of how to help our daughters, with the contradictions they will inevitably face as girls, the dissonance that is as endemic as ever to growing up female. It seemed, then, that I was not done, not only with the princesses, but with the whole culture of little girlhood: what it had become, how it had changed in the decades since I was a child, what those changes meant and how to navigate them as a parent.” With the keen perceptions of a seasoned journalist, the emotional investment of a mother, and a wittiness that’s all her own, Orenstein ventures to the land of Disney and American Girl Place, visits the toy industry’s largest trade show, even braves a Miley Cyrus concert. She talks with historians, marketers, psychologists, neuroscientists, parents, and children themselves. She returns to the original fairy tales, seeks out girls’ virtual presence online, and ponders the meaning of child beauty pageants. In the process, she faces down her own confusion as a mother and woman about issues that rearing a girl raise about her own femininity.
An intelligent, candid, and often personal work, Cinderella Ate My Daughter offers an important exploration of the burgeoning girlie-girl culture and what it could mean for our daughters’ identities and their futures.
In Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Frontlines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture Orenstein sets out to discover the origins and ramifications of this cultural shift. “I didn’t know whether Disney Princesses would be the first salvo in a Hundred Years’ War of dieting, plucking, painting (and perpetual dissatisfaction with the results),” she writes. “But, for me they became a trigger for the larger question of how to help our daughters, with the contradictions they will inevitably face as girls, the dissonance that is as endemic as ever to growing up female. It seemed, then, that I was not done, not only with the princesses, but with the whole culture of little girlhood: what it had become, how it had changed in the decades since I was a child, what those changes meant and how to navigate them as a parent.” With the keen perceptions of a seasoned journalist, the emotional investment of a mother, and a wittiness that’s all her own, Orenstein ventures to the land of Disney and American Girl Place, visits the toy industry’s largest trade show, even braves a Miley Cyrus concert. She talks with historians, marketers, psychologists, neuroscientists, parents, and children themselves. She returns to the original fairy tales, seeks out girls’ virtual presence online, and ponders the meaning of child beauty pageants. In the process, she faces down her own confusion as a mother and woman about issues that rearing a girl raise about her own femininity.
An intelligent, candid, and often personal work, Cinderella Ate My Daughter offers an important exploration of the burgeoning girlie-girl culture and what it could mean for our daughters’ identities and their futures.
Ladies, sometimes it's not a matter of preference... I would've loved to have at least one more child, but God had different plans :-). We consider adopting a couple of years ago, but we don't have the $10,000 that it costs to adopt in our area :-(. My mother comes from a VERY large family: 13 children; but she doesn't have the best relationship with her siblings. Most of them have passed away but there were awful fights among then in the past. When I was a child I would've given anything to have a brother or a sister. My parents are older so I felt lonely sometimes. As an adult, I wish I had someone to share the responsibility of taking care of my parents, but in general, I'm happy being an only child :-).
As of my daughter.... this afternoon she was playing in her room while I cooked dinner. She called me and said: "Mommy, look at me"... I went to see and she was wearing her Rapunzel dress and a smile on her face :-). She hadn't put that dress on in a looooooooong time. She came downstairs holding her dress like a real princess! :-)... She kept the dress on for the rest of the day :-). Not that I want her to be an all princess kind of girl (I love middle grounds) but I'm happy :-D.
As of my daughter.... this afternoon she was playing in her room while I cooked dinner. She called me and said: "Mommy, look at me"... I went to see and she was wearing her Rapunzel dress and a smile on her face :-). She hadn't put that dress on in a looooooooong time. She came downstairs holding her dress like a real princess! :-)... She kept the dress on for the rest of the day :-). Not that I want her to be an all princess kind of girl (I love middle grounds) but I'm happy :-D.
I doubt that the bulk of studies would support this. In any case studies can be skewed and must be analyzed carefully. I come from a large family (and a large extended family). It is my experience that large families promote competition.
However, some people may be happier with small families, and that is completely reasonable.
However, some people may be happier with small families, and that is completely reasonable.
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