My daughter's fantasy world

[philosopher]

We have a 12 year old daughter with a diagnosis of PDD-NOS who  increasingly, over the past couple of years, engages in creating a fantasy life in which she talks to herself, answers herself as if she is someone else, while running around the house.  In this state, she is very happy as if she has a wonderful relationship with this person.  It is a different scenario each time. and a different person.  Sometimes the person is someone she knows, other times it is a TV personality, etc.  Although she knows it disturbs everyone around her, she seems not to be able to stop.  Is this an outlet and a coping mechanism for her discomfort with real social situations?  Should I get her re-evaluated?  I'm wondering if I need to be pro-active in helping her get more real social interaction.  When in school, with complete structure and no time for this, she is fine while there, but does it like crazy when she gets home.  Thank you for your help.

[Cleveland Mom]

It is common for older children and adults with Pervasive Developmental Disorder(s) to have imaginary friends the way that you describe your dtr. to have.  This is likely because they lack social and interpersonal skills to have the relationships that they would like to have.  Many children and people with PDD want relationship and want to interact socially but lack the skills, fantasy play provides and outlet for these wants and needs.

[philosopher]

Thank you both for your honest responses; it was comforting at such a stressful time in my life.  (My over-active imagination is all over the place over this!)  I will ask our dev. psychologist about it.  Nothing really bad has happened to her, but people are hurtful, especially to a very sensitive person with high expectations of others.  I too think it is a comfort to her to have this life- I just don't want it to interfere with her life to the point of preventing her from attaining her goals, or taking time meant to spend developing meaningful relationships.  In my prayer life I heard that "she will find her way", so I live in faith most of the time!  Meantime I just enrolled her in Collage, a group O.T. program to help social skills with others in the same boat.  Hope it's worth all this money it costs!!   It has helped others I have asked, so I do feel it will be worht it.  Maybe you have heard about it? Or could use it?

I would like to keep in touch, if you have anymore to talk about sometime!  

[Jram]

I did the exact same thing when I was around that age and even younger.  At first, it was a make-believe game with my neighborhood friends when I was grade-school age that eventually continued in my head all the way up until high school.  Sometimes even now (I am an adult) I find myself talking to someone in the car when I am alone, just for comfort.

To give you some background on myself, I am an only child but come from a very loving and supporting divorced family (I don't think this has much to do with it); however, as I got older and began middle school, I had very little friends and felt very lonely and distanced.  The kids made fun of me because I was a tom boy and because I liked certain things (I was very careful not to dwell in my fantasy world while at school so I wouldn't be made fun of more).  I think I did this as an escape from the horrible things that were said and done to me during my adolesence.  I had little friends who I only saw at school, and I was alone the rest of the time I was off in my own world where I was the star and all the make-believe people were my friends and everything went the way I wanted it to.

I was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 11, although I still don't think this had anything to do with it.  I feel that I was treated poorly so I created somewhere where I would be treated equally--or better-- by my make believe peers.  

I don't think you have too much to worry about, but you could bring your daughter to a counselor to talk to her and see why she does this.  Maybe she just has fun?  Maybe she is bullied at school (hopefully not).  Perhaps she has an over active imagination (I still do!) which cannot be expressed while at school.  Anyway, the best thing you can do is talk to her, ask her why she does this and see if she is willing to talk to someone else about it.  I would also ask your family members to either ignore or just get over their fear of her make believe game because their fear is probably not a very positive influence.  

I hope my personal experience has helped you make a decision.  

[3rdchild]

  I have a 6 yr. old son (With special needs, global delays) that does the same sorta thing.  He has one pretend friend in general.  He goes in the yard and paces and talks to him and actually has the pretend friend ask questions and he answers the questions.  It's like he's in his own little world.   It seems like He's very happy and excited when doing this, if I call him to come for dinner he tells his friend goodbye and he has to go eat...etc.   Just like a real person is there but there is not.  I will try to intervene and ask....what are you  talking about...etc.  Sometimes He just tells me to go away or he tells me what his friend is saying.  
I agree it does not happen at school because they keep him so busy.  Also, I've asked many of his therapists or doctors and most of the advice I get was that this is normal behavior.  Some of them say they personally have had pretend friends till they were older.  My son does have an appointment with a child psychiatrist coming up soon....I will definitely bring up this subject.  One time I asked his Dev. Pediatrician and she was actually asking him "is this friend real or imaginery" to see if he knew the difference and to see if he thought the person was real in his mind.  (I got a bit worried when she did that)  Nothing came up from that question because he got mixed up with another person with the same name as his pretend friend.  
Anyway, I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you.  Although please see that you are not the only one dealing with a special needs child with this kind of issue.  I know that mine is younger but thought they did sound similiar with this behavior.   Also, my son will do this when in a public setting...all of a sudden you'll see him off to the side talking to himself.  I wonder the same things you do about getting him more social interaction.  I wish he had a "real" best friend to take the place of the imaginary one.  The other problem is that he does have behavioral issues and does not get along with others all the time.  If it's someone older than him and understands his situation we do ok.  Someone his age...there may be a problem.
Write again if you want and I'll let you know if I come up with anything else.