Child Behavior Community
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Avatar universal

Please help!!!

oh I can so relate to some of these posts...my son is 9 years old and for the last four years, pretty much since he has been in the school system ---I have been dealing with him and his behavior problems. He is growing up in a Christian home, so I have NO EARTHLY idea what is going on with him. I do know that after dealing with it for almost 5 years straight I am just TIRED.

He does not listen to his teacher, he is a follower and not a leader. He gets at least 4-5 behavior reports a year. I have punished him, spanked him, took things away from him. It does not help. I have even tried to get him involved in activities outside of school hoping that it would make things better, but it seemed like when I started to give him more privledges he got worse! My other two children don't give me these kind of problems. How does a child in the st grade know how to try to forge your signature? How can he get caught for it, get in trouble for it, and still do it again several times?

I DREAD when it is time for him to get home from school, because I know it is going to be some kind of negative behavior report in his folder. The crazy part about it is it is almost always for the same thing- running his mouth, and not following class rules....thank God we finally nipped the lying and stealing thing in the bud last year. He does not have any kinds of disorder. He is very bright, smart and advanced in his learning, yet extremely manipulative, sneaky and sometimes does thing with no regard for authority. I am at my wits end. It stresses me so much that I sometimes don't even want him around me. If anyone could suggest something I would appreciate it :0)
8 Responses
189897 tn?1441130118
   Most children when they have been punished, spanked, lost privileges, etc., change behavior.  When they don't it usually means that they don't have control over what they do.  In other words something like ADHD, or OCD is going on.  You have to find out what is happening to him.  The worst possible thing to happen to a child is to be punished for something that they have no control over.  
   Because he is very bright, he has probably had no scholastic problems and thus his teachers may have overlooked the cause of his problems.  I can guarantee  you that if he were failing school, there would have been an IEP done by now.
  In a nutshell, he shows classic signs of ADHD.  You need to find out if this is the case.  Your school may be able to help, but because of his intelligence, it could cloud their judgement.  (by the way, bright kids start having problems about 5th grade when things like common denominators show up in math.  If they haven't been paying attention, they will have no clue how to work the problem.  Really bright kids may go until pre-algebra)  Find a psychologist who specializes in ADHD and seek their help.
509215 tn?1363539423
Hey there CJ. I know what you're going through with behavior issues. My 7 year old has severe behavior issues caused by his epilepsy and medications. He gets into trouble everyday at school. I get a journal everyday telling me what he has done in school. His behavior ranges from minor to major behavior. My son does a lot of stuff to get attention. My son also has ADD on top of everything else which can't be treated due to interactions. We talk to my son everyday about his behavior. My son sees a psychiatrist on a regular basis to keep track of his stuff. He also sees a pediatrician. And due to his seizures, he sees a pediatric neurologist every couple of months. I know from talking to my friend who was deemed as gifted, she got into trouble all the time due to boredom. Maybe your son needs to be challenged academically. Take him to your family doctor and tell him/her the problems your family is experiencing with your son and see if they can help you get your son tested for stuff like ADHD, ADD, OCD,etc. Go to the school board and tell them that he needs to see a school psychologist. If he's doing poorly in school, they will have to look at him. Usually there's a wait of about a year or more but at least you'll know. I hope this helps you get on the right path. If you need anymore info, don't hesitate to ask.  
Avatar universal
Hi and thanks for responding. I have condidered ADHD, but he has only maybe one or two of the symptoms of it, and he only displays these symptoms around other people. I have popped in on him a few times at school, and he would keep looking at me often to see if I am watching, which leads me to believe that many times he knows exactly what he is doing and it is not impulsive, he is only trying to get away with what he can. OCD symptoms are not something that he shows at all. As a matter of fact, most of his behavioral problems are when he is around other people...a lot of the things he trys to do with others he doesn't dare try around mom and dad....he even does not try these behaviors with the grandparents, he knows they are not having it.  

If he was to act this way with everyone, then I would consider him having a disorder. It is very clear though that it is mere sneakiness and getting away with what he can with others. The crazy things about it, is everyone thinks he is such an "angel" except for the ones who really know him like my family and close friends.

I appreciate your advice, and I am still going to have him tested although I know in my heart it is not one of these....he is very manipulative. I just don't know what to do anymore. When school is out, I don't have these issues....I have even considered homeschooling him because it stresses me out so much.
Avatar universal
Hi thanks for you response. I have recently contacted a counselor and also will be getting him tested for any disorders very soon. I have mentioned it to my family doctor as well as his teacher and they both said he shows no signs of ADD of ADHD because he is able to sit still and pay attention to detail and his school work. He makes pretty good grades as well. My fear is if he keeps on the same path he will end up in Alternative School next year. He has done some things that I would not even dare get into on here. He is not agressive at all. He never gets angry, but he also never takes anything seriously when he gets in trouble for something. A lot of times I will ask him why did he do a certain thing and he will say because he wanted to.... in my first post I said he gets in trouble 4-5 times a year, I meant to say a week. I have even seen him do things and look at me with a half smile waiting to see my response, on purpose!
Avatar universal
If he was to act this way with everyone, then I would consider him having a disorder.

Actually, this statement can be misleading.  Children with anxiety act totally different with those whom they consider to be "unsafe".  In our case (our child was diagnosed with severe anxiety at six years of age), that included everyone except the immediate family.  By the way, I don't see a lot of anxiety issues in your posting, but I wonder if ODD might be the issue (not OCD).  Have you googled the phrase "oppositional defiant disorder" or "ODD" or "oppositional behavior in children" or similar words/phrases?  Just a suggestion ....
Avatar universal
wow, you must be reading my mind :0) I am currently looking at the symptoms for ODD right now. these are the symptoms I found on it:

frequent temper tantrums
excessive arguing with adults
active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules
deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people
blaming others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
often being touchy or easily annoyed by others
frequent anger and resentment
mean and hateful talking when upset
seeking revenge

He only has two of these listed....not following ruls and attempts to annoy people...he has a very meek spirit...not aggressive at all, I guess that's why I am so stumped about what it could be
509215 tn?1363539423
Hi CJ, I am just writing to you to say that no matter what happens, I'm here to support you in your search of answers. I know how hard it is for you to find answers on your child. I've been there personally as well as seeing my little sister go through it with her 2 step sons. I can't say that I know your situation exactly but I can just imagine by what you are telling us on here. I know that you are exhausted and tired. If I can give you some sort of suggestion, take a break once in a while for your sanity. Even if it happens to be on a weekend when maybe your son is at a grandparents house. Take some time for yourself as well as for you and your spouse. He sounds like he's looking for attention in any way possible. I would suggest to let the doctors handle this situation. If you ever need to just vent or talk, I'm here if you want. Send a personal message if you want. Good luck. Have a great day!
Avatar universal
Hi I really appreciate your posted. Unfortunately breaks are not on my menu. My family does not take my kids for the weekends: they barely take them at all. The sad part about it is I have voiced it to them several times, and both my parents and my in laws live less than 10 minutes away from us. I am lucky if I get a few hours of a break at least once a month. I know that has a lot to do with my frustration. Anyway, I thank you again for reaching out :0)
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