Please say you agree that this is not normal?

[CJCEC]

My oldest son (age 7) has always been high strung.  He would not nurse as an infant.  He had colic, which caused him to cry continuously every night from 5-10PM.  Nothing would soothe him.  When he was ten months old, he learned how to crawl and the colic/crying stopped.  He's always had bad temper tantrums.  When he was three, I'd put him in time-out.  He wouldn't stay.  I'd have to hold him down using restraining techniques I learned while working in a special ed dept. at a school.  He'd try to slam his head back into mine.  He'd spit on my arms or on the floor.  His tantrums would last an hour.   When he turned four, the duration and number of his tantrums decreased.  Now he is seven, and I wouldn't say he has tantrums, but he does have extreme anger.  He will throw things at me.  He hits.  He tells me he hates me and wants to kill me, put me in jail, throw me outside, etc.   He recently started biting his brother again.  He still spits on the floor while in time out.  Today he was mad at his brother about a T.V. show, so he lifted up his brother's shirt and scratched his back in three different directions and caused it to bleed.  He picked up his little sister and began running with her despite me telling him to put her down multiple times.  He accidentally dropped her.  She was hurt and when she started to cry he thought it was funny.  He get very upset about minor things.  For example, he had a meltdown in the car because I couldn't tell him what one of the knobs on the door was for.  

Until the scratching today, my husband has insisted he is acting normally.  

We've done time-outs, trips to his room, grounding, withholding privileges, sticker charts, allowances, picking a  reward, 1:1 time,  and nothing seems to help.  

I'm exhausted.  I always assumed by the time he was seven that he'd grow up and calm down, but that doesn't seem to be happening.

Do I have a valid fear that one day he might use something other than his fingernails to harm someone?  Or that he will actually carry out his verbal threats?

At times, he can be the sweetest child.  He writes nice notes to us, draws us pictures, tells me I look pretty, plays nicely with his siblings, makes us presents, etc.  

[specialmom]

I meant fine at school and NOT fine at home, sensory is more unlikely.  

[specialmom]

Hi,  I wanted to say that if he does fine in school and is fine at home, sensory is more unlikely.  
Good luck

[margypops]

I think it happened to a few people , just a little glitch , a gremlin in the works....you are right it is good to get your doctors opinion ,the dynamics in the house sound troubled.

[megochick101]

Wow margypops I guess you REALLY wanted to get your point across haha. This happened to me earlier today too(not as bad though only one repeat.. it's crazy lol)

I do agree with you that this is not exactly normal behavior in a 7 year old. But I really have no idea what could be causing his problems(sorry). I do think you should get him checked out just to make sure. Hitting or hurting anyone else is never ok and at 7 he should be able to control his temper and it seems to me that he is unable to do that.

[margypops]

Ha Ha Ha Ha I have seen this repeat pattern happen to others now it happened to me, I only put it up Once honestly ......LOL

[margypops]

It is good that you have knowledge of ADHD I see too often the rush to judgement ,in labelling any child with ADHD ADD or anxiety when very often it is as simple as figuring out and accepting that we need better parenting skills, why constantly blame the child , maybe if we figured out better parenting skills some of it could be solved without resorting to the expensive therapies  and the Drugs given to these children once they are diagnosed.Take a look at some of the input on the Add and ADHD forum .,there is some interesting feedback on there.  

[margypops]

It is good that you have knowledge of ADHD I see too often the rush to judgement ,in labelling any child with ADHD ADD or anxiety when very often it is as simple as figuring out and accepting that we need better parenting skills, why constantly blame the child , maybe if we figured out better parenting skills some of it could be solved without resorting to the expensive therapies  and the Drugs given to these children once they are diagnosed.Take a look at some of the input on the Add and ADHD forum .,there is some interesting feedback on there.  

[margypops]

It is good that you have knowledge of ADHD I see too often the rush to judgement ,in labelling any child with ADHD ADD or anxiety when very often it is as simple as figuring out and accepting that we need better parenting skills, why constantly blame the child , maybe if we figured out better parenting skills some of it could be solved without resorting to the expensive therapies  and the Drugs given to these children once they are diagnosed.Take a look at some of the input on the Add and ADHD forum .,there is some interesting feedback on there.  

[margypops]

It is good that you have knowledge of ADHD I see too often the rush to judgement ,in labelling any child with ADHD ADD or anxiety when very often it is as simple as figuring out and accepting that we need better parenting skills, why constantly blame the child , maybe if we figured out better parenting skills some of it could be solved without resorting to the expensive therapies  and the Drugs given to these children once they are diagnosed.Take a look at some of the input on the Add and ADHD forum .,there is some interesting feedback on there.  

[margypops]

It is good that you have knowledge of ADHD I see too often the rush to judgement ,in labelling any child with ADHD ADD or anxiety when very often it is as simple as figuring out and accepting that we need better parenting skills, why constantly blame the child , maybe if we figured out better parenting skills some of it could be solved without resorting to the expensive therapies  and the Drugs given to these children once they are diagnosed.Take a look at some of the input on the Add and ADHD forum .,there is some interesting feedback on there.  

[margypops]

It is good that you have knowledge of ADHD I see too often the rush to judgement ,in labelling any child with ADHD ADD or anxiety when very often it is as simple as figuring out and accepting that we need better parenting skills, why constantly blame the child , maybe if we figured out better parenting skills some of it could be solved without resorting to the expensive therapies  and the Drugs given to these children once they are diagnosed.Take a look at some of the input on the Add and ADHD forum .,there is some interesting feedback on there.  

[margypops]

It is good that you have knowledge of ADHD I see too often the rush to judgement ,in labelling any child with ADHD ADD or anxiety when very often it is as simple as figuring out and accepting that we need better parenting skills, why constantly blame the child , maybe if we figured out better parenting skills some of it could be solved without resorting to the expensive therapies  and the Drugs given to these children once they are diagnosed.Take a look at some of the input on the Add and ADHD forum .,there is some interesting feedback on there.  

[margypops]

It is good that you have knowledge of ADHD I see too often the rush to judgement ,in labelling any child with ADHD ADD or anxiety when very often it is as simple as figuring out and accepting that we need better parenting skills, why constantly blame the child , maybe if we figured out better parenting skills some of it could be solved without resorting to the expensive therapies  and the Drugs given to these children once they are diagnosed.Take a look at some of the input on the Add and ADHD forum .,there is some interesting feedback on there.  

[CJCEC]

Thanks for your comments.  I'll check out the sensory thing.

I don't think he has ADHD because I used to teach and saw plenty of cases, and I can usually spot ADHD a mile away.   He can sit still and be quiet in school.  I don't think he could do this with ADHD.  But, thanks for the suggestion.

He seems to be naughty for anyone he gets used to:  me, dad, grandparents, etc.  

[Gertie7699]

Reading your post was like reading about my son and his past. We had alot of the same problems. We sought out counseling which lead us to a psych. He was diagnosed with ADHD.  The compulsive part of ADHD. He was unable to control his strong emotions happy or sad. His anger was very aggresive and since he started using Focalin it has helped take off the edge . He is able to control is emotions better. He still gets angry that we have to talk him through. but at least we can now. Even when it was a happy emotion, he didn't know what to do with that emotion and would grab the child that was beside him which was just to aggrestive for the other child. . He just needed help which Focalin did. As he matures he will be able to come off of it, hisDad also had problems as a child. Our son is now 7 .

[netgal1]

Hi  I am a little concerned about your son , has there been relationship problems with you and your husband in the last 4 years, if so have you argued in front of him over any issues?  I have an 8 yr old son that has issues with his father, because I have been showing some madness toward my husband,and my son see's that and he is taking my side, which is wrong, so we have help from his doctor, and suggests that my son and I should get help if it gets really bad, so far things have been ok, I am not showing as much madness to my husband, believe me it is very hard, but slowly succeeding, any way good luck, it is a process

[specialmom]

getting help is never a bad idea.  I was just suggesting that if you in your heart feel like something more is going on, it wouldn't be a bad idea to have a formal evaluation to find out.  I do agree that restraining is probably going to escalate emotions (unless you think he is going to hurt himelf or someone else).  I mentioned that if there were problems from infancy, as in being stressed easily and nursing/feeding issues and the child has had a history of this all 7 years of his life, then perhaps the problem is deeper than parenting (maybe not).  Lots and lots of kids DO have cholic and feeding issues but their mothers aren't asking for help when they are 7.  And perhaps your son does fine in school and has no behavior issues there which would be telling if that were the case.   Then the problem would be more directly related to home.  Does he have friends and good social skills?  I was just saying that if it were me, I'd want the FULL picture.  But I definatley agree that parenting classes, couseling are a terrific idea.  

[margypops]

Many children have feeding problems when they are infants, very often it is the mothers inexperience and once corrected the child does well,  babies do get cholic it does not mean they have any disorder, cholic is painful, its almost impossible to soothe a child in pain..Distraction works better than any restraining method you may choose, also it is good to prevent the tantrum before it happens. Tantrums are a normal part of development frustration as language skills increase Tantrums decrease. Calmness and quietness when a child is getting upset works if you  'hold down' restrain' you are feeding into his frustration. As I said in my earlier post it would be a good idea to get some help for both of you. Good Luck

[specialmom]

  There are definately issues in that he has learned to vent his frustration and anger in a physical way and aggressive way (which is not acceptable).  But as you describe this child from infancy having soothing problems, feeding problems, etc. and being very physical right from the start.  There may be something going on.  Has he ever been evaluated for developmental issues?  This may be a clue to his behavior.  When a child's nervous system isn't working properly due to a delay that can be very mild, they act out behaviorally.  Your son absolutely needs to know he can NOT hurt someone no matter how frustrated he is----  but if he has a delay, he will need other outlets for frustration.  I can tell by your thoughtful post that you have tried lovingly to help your child.  My son has sensory integration disorder.  Look it up and see what you think.  My son had a few nursing problems but when solid food was entered into the mix, he gagged all the time.  Motor planning can cause this.  Texture issues as well.  (both sensory).  My son crawled at 10  months for about 4 weeks and then started walking and running and I haven't stopped him since.  I thought this was so good-----  well actually, a short crawling period and early walking show signs of sensory which to tell you why is too long to write here.  Your son may not have an issue----  and most likely doesn't.  But it is worth checking into.  How much physical activity does he get?  My son really responds to activities such as swimming, going to parks and climbing monkey bars or climbing walls, etc.  Make sure that you have some of this incorporated into every day.  I don't suggest that all kids with behavioral problems have a delay and your son's sounds mild ( and by the way, delay has no relavence to intelligence---  my son is very smart and is ahead academically).  But when you've had a red flag in your mind since infnacy, it is something to consider.  adhd is a delay as well.  Good luck, it is hard work unraveling the mystery of our kids.  

[margypops]

This sounds like a child /Parent interaction problem between you and your son, I think your husband seems to have a handle on the matter, it would be a good idea to get some counselling for you both.