Very ill-behaved 5 year old

[Anonwoman12345]

My son is 5 years old as of June. Overall, he is a sweet kid and means well in general, but lately I've become GREATLY concerned for his mental health. Four weeks ago, he found an imaginary friend, which I found to be normal so I didn't press anything. But later on, only at school, he has become very violent with his class mates and teachers. He is throwing chairs, biting, scratching, punching, kicking, and throwing horrible fits that no one can calm him down from. I've had to bring him to my work several times because the school keeps kicking him out. Worst of all, he is now pooping his pants and playing with it, wetting the bed at night, and telling his teachers that he will kill them. I'm so scared for him and don't know what is bringing this on. I've tried, time outs, spanking, taking away and reward systems, I've even signed him up for karate(supposed to help with dicipline) but nothing works. We are not a violent family, and show love and respect to all members, so WHERE IS THIS BEHAVIOR COMING FROM?????

[Sandman2]

  Ok, I also frequent the ADHD website a lot - well at least for the last three and one half years - and saw your latest post which I will answer there.
  We really need more information here - and you need a lot more information.
   Benjimom has a very good question - what is he like at home.  Kids with ADHD (heck most all kids) are sweet kids.  Its there behavior that is not so good.  A child with ADHD cannot turn it off and on at this age.  Some of these behaviors should be happening at home.  Do realize that one on one you may be able to cope/deal with him.  But at preschool he is being judged daily (heck, minutely).  This is very stressful.  Also there is a good chance the preschool teachers don't know how to work with ADHD kids.
   In the other site, you said he has been diagnosed with ADHD.  Please more information.  By whom and what kind of a doctor?  Typically, these things always require surveys handed out to the child's teacher and parents.  Point being - if he has ADHD, everything changes because he is doing pretty much typical ADHD things.  If you want to know what that is go to this site - I recommend it highly.  
   http://www.supreme.state.az.us/casa/prepare/adhd.html
    If you want even more information including ways to deal with ADHD.  I would suggest buying the book, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley.   Its pretty cheap through Amazon.  
    What I am trying to say is that if he has ADHD, there are a lot of ways to work with him and the school is not at fault.  If he does not have ADHD, then I think that there is something seriously wrong going on at the school.  Which comes back to the original statement.  We/you need more information!

[benjimom]

Do you see any of these behaviors at home?  Sometimes kids act out really bad when they are stressed.  Also if you are the one who acts out, you can be pinned down for everything bad that happens in a classroom setting.  Sometimes that happens.

Does he dread going to school?

[Anonwoman12345]

No, he is not in Kindergarten...he is in preschool. He is supposed to start Kindergarten in August, but I'm thinking that is not a good idea. He had times before when he would get into fights, but they only happened once every couple of months. Now it's happening every day. I've asked to see footage from the schools cameras but they can never seem to find the times when he acts out (conveniently). They also say that most of the time he hits other kids, that it is unprovoked. But I think he is being bullied somehow...

[benjimom]

I'm sorry u are having such a rought time, how horrible!  It sounds like a nightmare for you.  Please do not think this is your fault. I would see professional help. Esp since this just came on all at once.  I would really look into it.  

Most schools have deadlines for when they can start school. I think here it is mid Sept or like OCt 1st.

Kindergarten was a very hard year for my little boy too. He had lots of behavioral issues as well.  I think it was stressful for him too.

How is your boy doing academically is he where he needs to be?

[Sandman2]

   First of all with this age child, there is very little that you can do at home to influence his school behavior.  As he gets older, yes - but not now.  If any thing it is adding more stress to his life.  
   Second, it sounds like something is going on at school that is causing this - and it is starting to really effect him.  He is a bit young for kindergarten.  I assume its kindergarten and not preschool.  I would imagine that he is close to the youngest boy there.  In Calif. there is a good chance that a law will be passed that says kids maynot enter Kindergarten until they turn 5 in Sept.  I know all of my educator friends sure feel that way.
   It may be that he is over his head and reacting to that.  But the violence bothers me.  Something is really getting to him - don't know if it's bullies, not keeping up with the other kids?  But I would say he is extremely frustrated and is acting out in the only way that seems to help him.
   So you really need to talk to his teachers, playground monitors,  and principal.  I would also go to school and observe.  This behavior is being caused by something.
  He may or may not be able to express to you (at his age) what is bothering him.  But I would certainly try.  Also how does he seem to be doing with his learning?  I assume this must be a year around school for him to be in it now?  In other words try and get a feeling for if he is over his head educationally.  His teacher could help with this.  However,  if he has just started school - she may not be that aware yet.
   Also did he attend a preschool last year, and how did that go?  Or is this a completely new experience for him.  
   If you don't get some answers soon, I would seek professional help.  This really is kind of scary.  Good Luck.    Oh, and please post and let me know how long he has been in school, etc.
  

[RockRose]

If this is truly a complete change in behavior that began 4 weeks ago and prior to that none of this behavior was pleasant and he consistently got high grades for behavior in school,  I think there has been a trauma that occurred that you don't know about somehow.  

Is this literally a complete transformation - before 4 weeks ago he hadn't fought with anyone in school,  threatened teachers,  etc?

This is certainly cause to make an appointment for a psych eval,  and get his teachers to state very clearly what the behaviors are and if they appeared very suddenly.