how to deal with family secret

[ASDinalaska]

both me and my sister were abused as kids her at age 2-3 and me 6-12 months old she was defanetlly sexualy mollested and our entire biological family is keeping the seecret of who did it and it really hurts me because my sister wont open up out of fear and i dont know what to do i have no memory of what happened but i dont have a clit and think it wascut as ababy

[ASDinalaska]

thankyou soomuch i wiil do that

[specialmom]

Well, that is very sad.  Dysfunction runs very deep in your family.  I would strongly suggest you just say to your sister---  I'm here if you ever want to talk.  And then let her be while working on your own recovery and healing.  

I have a dear friend that was molested at a young age.   They know for sure because she got an std as a toddler as did several little girls in the neighborhood from the molester.  She doesn't know what happened to him.  She had some classic things happen to people that have been molested when she was an adult---  issues in her marriage and such.  She has tried therapy and they wanted her to work on remembering. She chose not to. She doesn't want to.  She has handled things in a different way that feels right to her.  

My point being, that you can't help your sister.  You can be there for her if she wants to talk and support her if she does.  

I personally think a parent that remains silent when their child is molested has abused their child twice.  That is wrong of your mother and your family to not tell you the details if you ask.  Absolutely wrong.  no one gets a free pass because they were once molested.  So, I'd ask again and if you get no answer, distance yourself from your mother.  That's what I would do as I would not continue the cycle of dysfunction.  

therapy is wonderful!  Please consider this.  There are also support groups.

good luck

[ASDinalaska]

i know  that we were because it was reported but nothing was done about it my mom dad aunts  uncles grandparents all know or have an idea as to who did it because almost all the females in my familly have ben sexually abuse/molested my mom will not talk sex with me as she was molested herself and is very touchy about the subject. my sister knows whodid it and im pretty sure it was dad. we were removed finallybuy our aunt and adopted by the age of 3 and 5 but noone went to jail or anything for any of it.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  so very sorry to hear of what's happened.  I'm a little confused about why you are so sure you both were abused as tiny children.  Who all you suspect would know that you were?  Who actually did it?  When you ask about your deformity, what is your mother's answer?  how does she explain it?  Were you born that way?  can you find any medical records?  

I know you would like to connect with your sister about this but everyone is different.   She deserves to deal with this in her own way.  She too may not have any memory of it as we don't have many solid memories and some don't have ANY before the age of 5---  and she may not choose to look into it.  So, I'd leave your sister be and concentrate on yourself and your own healing.

Have you looked into therapy?