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5 year old sexuality
I have a 5 year old child who is not only masturbating on a regular basis, but also when she is in school, she frequently goes into a private area outside of the teacher's supervision and removes her bottoms and rubs against boys. She claims that her mother (who she no longer is living with) and her boyfriend sexually molested her and played "sexual" games with her when she was 3-4 years old. How would I handle something like this? I have spoken with professionals about it, but I do not know what to tell the child to discourage her promiscuity and not make her ashamed of her sexuality for when it becomes more appropriate when she is married?
No problem, like I said I've known many victims and all of them have been close to me (family members or close friends). Also, my maternal great grandfather and my own father are both child molesters. I understand the feeling of hurt and confusion and anger in relation to being on both sides. It took me 20 years and some good old therapy to come to terms with my d.a.d (Dumb *** dad). I'm still trying to deal with it all, admittedly. Therapy helped me though which is why I recommended a family counselor. You are between a rock and a hard place with this and I think it could help you not only in helping your granddaughter but in helping you deal with it too. Also if you are in some kind of church group I would recommend talking to a pastor or a leader because they've seen it all and can help you deal with all the anger and hatred.
Anyway at the end of the day what she will need from you is security, love and a sense of safety. It's never an easy road, because your life is forever changed, but it's possible to overcome it.
Anyway at the end of the day what she will need from you is security, love and a sense of safety. It's never an easy road, because your life is forever changed, but it's possible to overcome it.
I actually am very new to this forum, and I appreciate your time and effort.
She is currently seeing a school psychologist. I am just unsure as to how to proceed from a personal standpoint. My insides want to scream at the individuals involved and tell them how wrong they are, but that would not accomplish anything, as they are denying the whole thing, which only adds insult to injury. My only concern is as her grandma. Thank you for the input and if I knew how to, I would definitely choose this as the best answer. I appreciate your sensitivity, intelligence and concern in this.
She is currently seeing a school psychologist. I am just unsure as to how to proceed from a personal standpoint. My insides want to scream at the individuals involved and tell them how wrong they are, but that would not accomplish anything, as they are denying the whole thing, which only adds insult to injury. My only concern is as her grandma. Thank you for the input and if I knew how to, I would definitely choose this as the best answer. I appreciate your sensitivity, intelligence and concern in this.
Asking your relationship does help, you may have been a teacher a babysitter,friend that is why I asked you ,its very relevant ..I agree with the post Ducky has left..
Has she seen a counselor yet? I would recommend one if she hasn't. These kind of things are never easy and even if you get her to stop doing this at school, she needs to be able to talk about what happened. Many counselors have a family therapy session which might help you talk to her about it. In my own experience I have seen sexual abuse be pushed under the rug too much and not talked about. And this has ALWAYS been harmful to the person who was abused.
Masturbation can sometimes be a repetitive issue. Many children with development problems or post traumatic stress tend to do it under stressful situations to relax and feel comfort. You need to explain to her that yes it does feel nice, but that is something that needs to be done in private as it's not appropriate behavior in public. It can make other people feel uncomfortable and so should be done at the right times.
You also need to explain boundaries which can be more difficult. She needs to see that some people don't want to be touched like that and it will make them uncomfortable. She also needs to know that what happened to her was wrong- they shouldn't have touched her like that because she didn't want it and because she's so young. She needs to know that that is not normal behavior and children her age aren't ready to be physical in that way. Personally I think the best way to go about it may be to not condemn the acts but the age and timing.
The people I know who were abused as children have had life long issues with abandonment, trust, sexuality, depression, and even drug abuse. Unfortunately none of them went to counseling and most only admitted it after they became adults. I can't help but wonder what if they did- it's possible that their lives could have turned out much different. Anyway, because of my experience I think that long term counseling would be very beneficial so please consider it.
Masturbation can sometimes be a repetitive issue. Many children with development problems or post traumatic stress tend to do it under stressful situations to relax and feel comfort. You need to explain to her that yes it does feel nice, but that is something that needs to be done in private as it's not appropriate behavior in public. It can make other people feel uncomfortable and so should be done at the right times.
You also need to explain boundaries which can be more difficult. She needs to see that some people don't want to be touched like that and it will make them uncomfortable. She also needs to know that what happened to her was wrong- they shouldn't have touched her like that because she didn't want it and because she's so young. She needs to know that that is not normal behavior and children her age aren't ready to be physical in that way. Personally I think the best way to go about it may be to not condemn the acts but the age and timing.
The people I know who were abused as children have had life long issues with abandonment, trust, sexuality, depression, and even drug abuse. Unfortunately none of them went to counseling and most only admitted it after they became adults. I can't help but wonder what if they did- it's possible that their lives could have turned out much different. Anyway, because of my experience I think that long term counseling would be very beneficial so please consider it.
By the way, the nature of MY relationship with my grandchild really doesn't help answer my question at all. I am concerned about how to handle a situation. I understand that it is unusual, and we have consulted the professionals at the school for assistance. But at home I also think it important that she get the right advice, and I am trying to help my daughter and son to do that. Asking me a question about my relationship with the child really doesn't help!!!
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