My 4 year old don't listern

[Reena80]

Hi, My daughter will be 4 years on September 2010, and from last few weeks i am facing her behavioral changes. i describe them as follow:
1. she hardly listen to me and i have to bribe her to obey me
2. she treats me the same way i treat her...if i ask her to do something in ordering voice and tell her if she don't Listern to me then she will get punishment from Ghost(she have an imaginary ghost charecter...one is good ghost who giver her chocolate for her good behaviour, another one is bad ghost who give her punishment if she did wrong); So sometimes she ask me something and if i said to her that i can't give u that or you can't do that then she reply's me that bad ghost will give you punishment
3. she don't care about or have any sort of guilty feelings for her deeds, i am worried coz if she think like that way, that whatever she is doing is right then she will be a spoiled child on her teenage....and if i try to make her realize that what she did is wrong...she said no i am not wrong.
4. she always feels like she is a big girl now for example if i ask her to hold hands while crossing the road she reply's me u are not holding anyones hand so why i have to hold it...i am a big girl now

i am really worried the way she talks to me, she is only 4 year old and she should behave like a child...another thing, most of the time she is with me at home...she haven't start her preschool yet...i just take her to an occasional childcare for few hours per week.

please help me to raise her properly i have another 8 months old baby girl....so it's really getting hard for me...if my older one behave like this way. she should be more descent by this age as she understand what i want her to do.

Kind regards,

[Reena80]

Thanks for your reply. I am really stuck with my 2 Girls and sometimes they give me very hard time and i get really upset couldn't understand what to do....
I hope everything goes well n settled.

[Sandman2]

  Hi Reena, if you go through the posts on this forum, you will find that your daughter is pretty typical of a 3 year old.  That's a pretty interesting age.  They are just really becoming aware of their own intelligence and that they can manipulate the world around them by their actions.  
You will find lots of suggestions to other parents in these posts that will help you.  
  I would also add that bribes work because they are immediate, but all they do is really train the child the wrong way.  Bribes are ok if used as a reward for good behavior.  
  I would think seriously about more time for your daughter in childcare.  She needs the socializing experience for preschool - and you could probably use the break.
  Don't worry about her not having guilty feelings - I doubt that a 3 year old has much of a conscience yet.  That is something that you can help her develop.  Trying to get her to realize something is wrong is nice, but what you want is for her to KNOW that if she does something wrong there will be a punishment.
   At her age, the rule is simple.  Have an immediate, consistent action (timeout) when she breaks an important rule.  It will take close to 3 weeks to get her behavior to change, but it will change if you are consistent and immediate.
  Its nice that she is feeling like a big girl.  You can use that to help you with her little sister.  But in terms of safety, there is no choice.
  Finally, it really comes down to what she wants to do, and what you want her to do.  Remember at her age - its not understanding as much as reaction.  Once you do a bit more reading and understand what is age appropriate for her - I think things will make more sense.  Good luck!