trouble at school

[heather021994]

My 6 year old started 1st grade this year and within the first week he had a little girl declair herself his girlfriend.  A few months past and she gave him her phone number.  This behavior didn't worry me at all but talked to him that he was too young for a girlfriend and that he could be friends with her.  Last month, I got a call from DHR saying that this little girl told a teacher that my boy had tried to touch her "privates" and that he stated that he did it all the time to my daughter (4 years old).  True their has been curiosity in the bathtub in the past, but they have not taken baths together for at least a year now for that reason.  DHR found everything to be normal in our house hold and the curiosity at this age is normal and just to reinforce good touches and bad touches.   I found outI later the little girl had made statements accusing other kids of touching her......  The school staff is aware of the situation and they try to keep them separated.  Hoping to have that in the past, talking to him about keeping his distance from her, I was told today that he exposed himself to her and 2 other little girls on the playground per her request.    Yes, he should not have done it and his dad and I have discussed that it was wrong and they are called  "privates" for a reason.  Am I the only one that thinks that she is the aggressor?

[specialmom]

Hi.  Well, I have a first grader and a second grader, both boys.  My second grader has girls that have a 'crush' on him.  His teacher has told me this as well and these girls are fairly aggressive.  She told me to let her know if they go too far or annoy him too much.  All pretty harmless though.  I liked his teacher last year for many reasons but she was no nonscense and beat the kids to the punch for certain things.  She said it was a firm rule---  no girlfriends/boyfriends in her class period.  This is a great idea for a class that has an issue in it.  AND, in my first grader's class this year---  there is a girl and boy that are 'girlfriend and boyfriend', so they say.  

My point is this----  this is actually pretty common in early elementary years and pretty meaniless.  

So, to me as a mother, it is a big difference between a little girl having a crush, saying that she is his girlfriend, etc. and actually becoming sexual with her.  So, no.  I don't blame her for what happened.

I'd also say that maybe . . . maybe your son was trying to be funny by doing an outrageous act of showing them his business . . . as misguided as it may be.  But, he needs to know the rules.  NEVER is he to do that again.

I agree that this is a teachable moment.  I don't think it helps to blame the little girl but instead help your son learn to make better choices for himself.  That is a life lesson.  good luck

[adgal]

I think that knowing that based on the info provided is pretty tough to say.  And honestly, not sure that that even matters.  I think you are doing a good job continuing to reinforce that privates are privates, and what is inappropriate.  I think if you continue to have calm discussions with him about things like that, the behavior will end, at least on his part.  If the school and DHR is involved, then they should be the ones contacting the parents of the little girl.  Perhaps there is something going on in her home, or perhaps she is doing this as an attention seeking method.  But again, I don't think that really matters.  It's important for you to focus only on your son's behavior as you are doing.  Working with the school, and talking to them is also important (and I know you are doing that as well).  But they are both only 6 years old, so I probably wouldn't make more if it then a teaching moment for your son.