Am I losing it?

[jusnotriteOhio]

Hello,

This is extremely embarrassing for me, but I'm at my wits end.

Let me begin at the beginning of this roller coaster ride. For as long as I can remember I have had certain nervous habits. Even as a child I would rock compulsively and bite my nails. I still do those things today, but it has progressed into something much worse.

I gave birth to my first (and only) child in October 2006, that November I had a gall bladder removal. From their my health and well being went down hill. I have had chronic pain throughout my body, it remains unexplained...knowing I'm hurting and something is wrong, yet there are no indications what it could be has really put a lot of stress on me.

Now I have always been a worrier but its getting really bad, I always imagine the worst possible outcome in situations, I cant sleep at night because I seriously think I'm dying, the pain and the anxiety seem to play on each other, each one making the other worse. More recently I have begun to pull out my hair, not just any hair but I feel for a hair that has a thick, rough, or curly texture and pull it out....whats worse...I then nibble it. It's disgusting, but I cant stop! I hate that I do it, but its like its put of my control.

I cant see a doctor because I have no insurance now, and even then Im mortified by it and I dont know if I could talk about it anyway.

What should I do? Whats wrong with me?

I just want to be normal again so I can focus fully on my son and not on my pain or my growing bald spots.

Any advice at all would be great.

Thank you,

-Just Not Right Ohio

[jusnotriteOhio]

Thank you for your speedy response. I admit, I held this issue in for some time, Im sure others have noticed but I have never stepped out from behind the curtain and spoke about the problem, just getting it out, and telling someone "I am having trouble and I know I need help" really reduced a lot of the stress. I posted this in the early morning hours, it seems to be the time of night that my anxiety really takes over, yet after my little confession I finally felt well enough to lie down and fall asleep.

I suppose I have taken the first step in recognizing my problems, next I will research it, and hopefully a facility where I can find quality care for it. I am looking forward to the day when a pain is just a pain, I wont convince myself that I have cancer and they cant find it. (I was certain I had a brain tumor last year because of frequent headaches but the doctors found nothing). I can't wait until I can focus on living and not obsess over dying. I think a lot of that stems from my need to be here for my son, my biggest fear is to leave him.

Anyway, thank you again, and I will update this thread when I have news to share.

-Just Not Right Ohio

[Ted A Grossbart, Ph.D.]

Very sorry to hear about the problems.  First of all give yourself a break on the shame and blaming, these are very familiar problems.  Anxiety is the main reason people seek professional help.  It is certainly understandable that chronic pain would trigger other problems.  The hair pulling is called trichotillomania and you have a lot of company with that one as well.

I would suggest addressing the pain from a medical perspective first.  There should be free medical care available in your area, you will need to really research it.  
For the anxiety, medication may be helpful, psychotherapy, and techniques like relaxation, meditation, and hypnosis are very helpful.  All are likely available at low cost/no cost if you research.  Look at any facility that does training in these areas as they often have programs for people with no insurance.  Go to trich.org to learn more about the hair pulling and see about resources in your area.  My Skin Deep site (http://grossbart.com) is another good source.  Reading about others who are working on the same and similar behaviors like compulsive picking and scratching should help you begin to reduce the sense of shame which is a typical companion symptom.

Let us know how you make out.

tg