I can understand this being disturbing. Even if there was an easy way to shut them off (which there isn't), I suggest spending some time to figure out what the message is. Why would your inner director/scriptwriter be going in this direction? I would think about any situation in which anger and sexuality have crossed paths--yours or anyone else's. It may be far from obvious, the 'moral of the story' may be buried under a few layers. If your detective work is successful, it could really change your life for the better.
tg
http://grossbart.com
I am very sorry you have suffered so much abuse in your life. It sounds like you are doing a very courageous and energetic job of working on things and really making serious progress.
tg
Thank you for your insight- I have been going to therapy for over a year and know there is much in my past that contributed to this - unsure if its one exact incident or all combined. I am very intune to my thinking and analyze continuously. I think what is scariest is that fact I am so aware of these things. Recently my thoughts have involved my therapist - I know its me wanting him to take control of our relationship, tell me I am bad and help me - I have told him much of my past - from molestation with tools as a child, exposure and fondling from older man as a young teen to forceable anal sex as a teenager. I know sex has replaced my thoughts of being loved. Its the one thing I think guys want from me and its the one thing i feel i can give and receive love. I have little emotion and cry about stupid stuff - movies - yet not when my father died. ON meds for OCD, ADHD and anxiety - very productive worker, involved highly in PTO and other organizations - if people only knew my high functioning is a result of trying to escape by keeping busy. Thanks again