Why these kinds of thoughts

[daisymomlove]

Everysince I was 6 I've had almost every dream of either me/someone else getting hurt/dyeing.  Around that time frame my sister died of sids.  That's when the nightmares start.  It started to get really bad about six years ago.  Six years ago I gave birth to my first daughter.  I keep haveing these dreams that she just stopped breathing. Then about 6months after that dream, I actually found her in her room not breathing.  She passed away from cardiomyopthy.  About a year after her death is the only time that I had a dream where she actually visited me in my dreams and they were good dreams. I fall asleep with the last good dream which got interrupted with someone whos face I couldn't see getting smothered. I haven't had  a nightmare after about two years I had my second daughter.I dreamed one night that she was running and ended up busting her face open.  Not too long after that she did fall but luckily it wasn't quite bad enough for stiches. The last nightmare I had was right after my 3rd daughter was born.  I had dreamed that I was at work  and got a call that my house was on fire.  My boyfriend and the mother of his other kids were outside with their two kids and mine wasn't.  The house caught on fire and no one tried to save them and they died in the fire.  My sisters house actually caught on fire.  She was able to get two of her kids out and the other two were trapped inside.  They did manage to get them out though and they're fine.  It seems like I more less like fantisize about death or being hurt.  Like I'm trapped in a world of depression.  I have been depressed every since I been young.  \My relationship is  rocky and has been for quite some time.  But I try to hang in there for my friendship and kids.  My mother was and still is an alocholic that basically made me to have to take care of my sister and brother.  I just don't know.  Am I going crazy or something? What is your opinion on this matter and advise that could help me?  Thankx much.   Samantha

[daisymomlove]

I don't really like to go to counciling because they try to tell you all the time that they understand and they really don't.  Yeah talking about these  things help but it's worse when you go someone telling you that they know what you're talking about when they don't know.  Medication was a thought but I don't know if I'm for being on drugs.  They only help you at first until your body gets used to them and then they have no effect any more.  It just almost seems like I have this ability to know what's going to happen to someone.  It's really scarry because I don't want to be able to know if someone gets hurt or dies.  Is this maybe like a sixth sence that I have or something.  Usually I try to keep myself busy at night right before I go to be so I can think about working or something to keep my mind blank from dreaming a nightmare.  Sometimes I just wish that I can shut my thoughts out.  There's been times in my dreams that I myself have hurt others as well.  Or is someone makes me mad enough and I really grow to disslike them, I dream about them getting hurt or killed and actually enjoy it.  I'm not a violent person at all and I usually put others before myself.  So my dreams are opposite from who I am

[Ted A Grossbart, Ph.D.]

I think that you are on track with the idea that sad and difficult events are frequent in your thoughts and dreams because you have had to try and deal with many sad and scary things.  I don't think this is craziness, but there are some things that may help.  Have you tried psychotherapy, medication, exercise, meditation, or other approaches?  Let me know specifics of what you have tried and what has seemed to work even a little.  We can then figure out you best next move.

tg