Aa
How do I stop feeling so guilty.
so I am in this nasty horrible predicament that I have no idea how to stop obsessing over.. before you judge just know that I thought of everything myself and absolutely hate myself... so my last menstrual period was about april 20th the week i was ovulating I had sex with my boyfriend 3 times all which he went inside me... that saturday may the 5th my sister had this big party where I got way to wasted and ended up sleeping with some other random jerk... I don't remember much what happened but even before I found out i was pregnant he swears up and down he didn't "get off" the ultrasound is measuring where it lines up to be my boyfriend (we already have a daughter) I am not writting for you to say I need a paternity test I am writting because I am completely alone, sad, depressed and disappointed in myself and have no idea what to do.. also my boyfriend pretty much knows what happened aNd forgive me but I can't stop hating myself and hating this baby (which we found out is a boy) I don't want to ruin anyones life over this I keep researching who the babys dad could be.. (even though i know its impossible) any help would be nice...
COMMUNITY LEADER
Even more significant than a last period, your first ultrasound measured your actual baby, and it suggests (though not guarantees) ovulation on May 2. Since it was your ninth week, there is a margin for error, but (by a hair's breadth) still doesn't quite seem to come up to when you had sex with the wrong guy. Try working on dealing with other stresses surrounding the situation, and it is possible your fear over paternity will ease.
We all make mistakes. I urge you to quit beating up on yourself and accept the pregnancy as a joyous event with a supportive boyfriend behind you. If he is really committed, you could agree that a DNA test is irrelevant. This could strengthen your relationship rather than weaken it.
For what it is worth, an April 20th menstruation and a 28 day cycle suggests ovulation May 4th, and a fertile window April 30th through May 5th. Both men are in contention, but since the bf definitely inseminated you and the jerk probably did not, my vote is for the bf.
For what it is worth, an April 20th menstruation and a 28 day cycle suggests ovulation May 4th, and a fertile window April 30th through May 5th. Both men are in contention, but since the bf definitely inseminated you and the jerk probably did not, my vote is for the bf.
COMMUNITY LEADER
You say you "have no idea what to do." Is this because you are certain your boyfriend is the dad, but can't stop obsessing over how you behaved? Or are you saying you're not certain who is the dad? Because we might be able to narrow it down a bit.
12 Comments
I am not positive he is the dad no..
I obviously know I can take a dna test but i am scared if the result wouldnt be my boyfriend and i would have to wait 7 months because I can't afford a prenatal one..
What info do you have that tells you exactly when you ovulated?
In other words, why are you so sure that the guy at the party has a chance?
My cycles are so irregular if you go by a 28 day i ovulated Friday, 30 day then sunday the 6 my boyfriend has about 3 full loads of ejaculate... guy from party Maybe had precum thats it.... dating ultrasound said i would have conceived may 3... I am worried its party boys because i always assume the worst and that would be horrific!
When you had your earliest ultrasound, when was it, and what estimated due date did they give you?
It was at 9 weeks and they said jan 23 2019 but they didnt change my actual due date which is jan 27th according to my lmp....
And how is your relationship with your boyfriend?
Good he knows what happened that night but doesn't want to talk about it...
I mean, why were you drunk at a party and willing to have sex with someone else? That's not the profile of a good relationship with a boyfriend.
Ok that is not my point of this post to discuss my relationship issues with a internet bot.
Well, my dear, you asked how to get past the guilt. You said you hate the baby, a very strong reaction. But your dates don't indicate that the wrong guy is the dad. They tend to indicate that you were (just barely) pregnant when you had the misadventure at the party. But, you feel so guilty that you actually hate the baby? This suggests that you are bringing a baby into a situation where other things are going on (or not going on) and that is distressing you.
For what it's worth, in this community a lot of women write in who are in your situation (or who have even more obvious time lapses between Mr. Wrong and Mr. Boyfriend). And they have let their anxiety settle on the question of paternity. And sometimes (actually quite often), even women who get a prenatal DNA test will not believe the test and just keep stressing over who is the dad. Even when the wrong guy tested to not be the dad. The test didn't solve the root cause of the anxiety, so they are still anxious, so they still think the wrong guy might be the dad because it's easier than worrying about what is really the thing that's bothering them.
You were asking how to stop hating yourself and feeling guilty and even hating the baby. The way to get over the guilt is to work on the issues in the situation. It doesn't sound like the possibility that Mr. Wrong is the dad is the real problem, because your early ultrasound really doesn't point to him that obviously. So I asked about the situation with the guy who *is* probably the dad. If the situation with your boyfriend is not the problem, then something else might be the problem. But often a woman's willingness to give the glad eye to someone else is merely a symptom of not being satisfied with her life situation, and/or the situation with her boyfriend. That means that the only way to solve the guilt, and the anxiety, and the hating the baby, is to address the dissatisfaction.
For what it's worth, in this community a lot of women write in who are in your situation (or who have even more obvious time lapses between Mr. Wrong and Mr. Boyfriend). And they have let their anxiety settle on the question of paternity. And sometimes (actually quite often), even women who get a prenatal DNA test will not believe the test and just keep stressing over who is the dad. Even when the wrong guy tested to not be the dad. The test didn't solve the root cause of the anxiety, so they are still anxious, so they still think the wrong guy might be the dad because it's easier than worrying about what is really the thing that's bothering them.
You were asking how to stop hating yourself and feeling guilty and even hating the baby. The way to get over the guilt is to work on the issues in the situation. It doesn't sound like the possibility that Mr. Wrong is the dad is the real problem, because your early ultrasound really doesn't point to him that obviously. So I asked about the situation with the guy who *is* probably the dad. If the situation with your boyfriend is not the problem, then something else might be the problem. But often a woman's willingness to give the glad eye to someone else is merely a symptom of not being satisfied with her life situation, and/or the situation with her boyfriend. That means that the only way to solve the guilt, and the anxiety, and the hating the baby, is to address the dissatisfaction.
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