Possible dad?

[mamab04]

LMP 9/21/22
EDD 6/29/23

Had sex with guy A 9/28. He pulled out, hadn’t finished in 2 days prior to us sleeping together (asked to know if precum could contain sperm)

Had sex with guy B 10/1 and 10/2 a total of 4 times with him finishing in me. Flo app and my OB said ovulation was 10/2. About an hour after this sex, I had discharge that was white/clear but nothing compared to when I have been finished in. I assume it was discharge from arousal. It also wasn’t the consistency of ovulation discharge.

Had ultrasound 11/9 at 7W 1D and was confirmed by my OB and another OB that date of conception was 10/2. My OB is aware of the situation and believes that guy B is the father and said guy A would have only had 2 days to fertilize an egg.

Currently 13W 1D as I post this. I believe that guy B is the father. What is your opinions?

[AnnieBrooke]

Certainly the first guy has much worse odds. They aren't zero because pulling out is not infallible, and asking a guy when he last ejaculated isn't infallible either (he could have had an ejaculation in his sleep the night before the sex and not woken up). But the first guy is 4 days before the presumed ovulation (not early enough to be certain all possible sperm is dead, but it suggests that all sperm might have become nonviable by then) and he did pull out. Whereas, another guy ejaculated four different times in the exact right time frame without withdrawing. He sounds like the most likely dad. Have you considered getting a prenatal DNA test done with both guys? It would put any question to rest immediately.

[AnnieBrooke]

Sorry, I didn't see your other comment until after this posted. I'd say you're all on the right track. It's just that the human body is full of surprises. But if I had to bet, I'd bet on the second guy.

[mamab04]

It’s also going to be tough because guy A now lives 4+ hours away.

[AnnieBrooke]

Lucky, then, that guy A is the less likely dad.  Of course, if you get the DNA test done after the baby is born with guy B (and you do witness him doing the swab so you know there's no faking), and that comes up negative, then you and the baby will have to travel to do the test with guy A, or he will have to travel to you. But it really does sound like you've worked this out reasonably well with the doctors and the guys, and that guy B is more likely the dad.

[mamab04]

This makes me feel so much better than so many people wanting to jump down my throat and having unclear answers.

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, sweetheart, I'm glad you're feeling better, you certainly deserve it because you've done a good and intelligent job of asking the right questions of your doctors and being transparent with the guys. Sometimes women in this forum have a very rough time because either they aren't willing to tell one of the guys that they slept with the other, or it would actually be unsafe to tell their main guy. You've been clear with the guys and asked the pertinent questions early and covered all the bases that should be covered and drawn intelligent conclusions from the information.  If the first guy had been just a few days earlier, you could be totally sure, but alas, life didn't deal you a "100% certainty" card in that way, and if you can't afford to do a prenatal test, you can't. (The two guys and you can't divide the cost into thirds, just so everyone can test and will know before the baby comes? It might be worth considering.) Anyway, please do always keep in mind that your baby has legal rights to his or her dad, so a DNA test when the baby is born is not just a matter of making sure your figuring is right but a matter of protecting your child, one of your main roles as a mama. Do the test right at the hospital, with you witnessing the guy handing over the swab, and get his paternity noted in the baby's medical record if possible. All the best, I wish you joy.

[mamab04]

Just wanted to update that I had my son. No DNA test was needed. He looks just like my husband and our first son. They’re all 3 identical.

[AnnieBrooke]

Glad to hear it.  I wish you joy with your family.

[Poohbear_2023]

Hey can I inbox you

[mamab04]

yes

[Poohbear_2023]

Thank you. Check it when you can

[mamab04]

Another edit is that the discharge part was with guy A not guy B. I was in rush typing my apologizes.

[AnnieBrooke]

I assume you're saying it might have to do with not ovulating? Discharge is irregular and does what it wants, I don't take it as an absolute sign. (Except obvious and copious eggwhite cervical mucus, but even that would only suggest that ovulation is coming in the next 24-48 hours, and it doesn't necessarily show up every single month anyway.)

[mamab04]

Correct!

[mamab04]

To add, I do not have the funds for a paternity test. Guy A fully believes it’s not his and Guy B believes it is his.

[AnnieBrooke]

It sounds quite plausible that you and the doctors and the guys have figured it out correctly. That said, get a DNA test done after the baby is born (paternity tests before the baby comes are massively more costly but much more affordable after the baby comes). This will not only confirm everyone's opinion of who the father is, but your baby has legal rights to his or her father, and it should be affirmed as early as possible who that is. Talk to your doctor about how to get a DNA test done with the three of you (the assumed dad, you and the baby) while still at the hospital. The lab should be able to handle collecting the swabs. And go with the dad when he does his.