Some dentists will prescribe a medication before your appointment, i.e. valium. If you aren't opposed to taking that type of medication, I would think the benefits would outweigh the risks of not having any treatment. You will only make the problem worse by waiting, and should it become emergent, it can sometimes be difficult to be seen on a moment's notice. Don't wait to be seen. There are no herbal remedies that are going to fix the problem for you. You will only be masking it.
I am sorry that you had such a traumatic experience as a child. In my practice I have found that patients who have a dental phobia usually can trace it back to an experience they had when they were a child. That being said I think dentistry has come a very long way in trying to make the experience as painless andcomfortable as possible. I think you definitely need to see a dentist. There are many compassionate dentists that you can visit. If your fear is so bad that you can not be treated with local anesthesia then there are dentists that can treat you using light sedation. In this day and age there is no reason why you can not be treated. Good luck!
We've got a self-help forum at http://dentalphobia.proboards27.com/ . Feel free to drop in anytime! Anyone with dental phobia, anxiety, or specific fears is welcome :-).