Is my husband depressed

[precious1969]

My husband has shown a change of behavior for the last 8 months (or longer) he has slowly lost 50 lbs (without trying-- although he says he tried), he has slowly distanced himself from me, he has no libido and in the past month or so he has become very hostile to me. He seems to be able to keep himself together at work and is able to golf but for the most part when he is home he lays on the floor and watches TV and does little else. He does not go out with friends as often as he did and when he does he has gotten very drunk on several occasions. He used to be a very happy person and he is definitely not the happy go lucky guy he used to be. He says it is because he does not love me anymore. He does not want to tell me what his plan is-- he says he will let me know when he "figures it out". He says he has no idea why he feels this way towards me. We have been together for 18 years with few problems. He is refusing to see a counselor and I got him to go to the doctor but I don't think he was honest about his feelings and it was an uproductive appointment. He has told me that he feels exhausted and empty and that he has no feelings for me.  We have 3 small children and he is able to be nice to them most of the time but gets easily frustrated and spends little time with them. Outside of our household it appears he is able to keep things together and no one knows he is struggling at home. My dilemma is that I don't know if he is clinically depressed or is he acting this way because he wants out of the marriage. He has always been a very caring person and I see a complete personality change. I don't know how much longer I can take the hostility.

[margypops]

Are you aware of any problems at work,is he under pressure there.What are the Dianamics at home ,you have 3 little ones, do you make time to do things just you and Him?As he seems to be okay outside the home it does sound as if its between you two. It could be a phase hes going through but he could be depressed,is his Diet okay,can you cook some tasty meals you know he likes. Keep talking to him as he wont see anyone only the Doc, you can make yourself aggreeable to him and good to be around you cant make him he has to do that for himself.If he has a friend or a Family member you can ask if they have noticed a withdrawal in him.

[Venora Moonwind]

He could be depressed and dont think that men dont go through male menopause.
On the ohter hand and I hatae to bring this up but could he be having an affair?
He is definaly exhibiting all the signs of having an affair. I hope noe for your sake and he is just going through depression cause that can be fixed.
He will need to see a psychiatrist to evaluated and definately needs to see a therapist.
Good luck
Love Venora

[Jikan]

Namaste,

You describe some classic symptoms of major depression, however, it seems to be more prevalent at home than elsewhere, which could mean that the issue is between the two of you, but don't rule out a psychological issue at play, whatever  the problem.

If he refuses to go to counseling, that doesn't mean you can't go alone. Sometimes talking with a mental health provider will give you more insight as to the actual problem.

Since he did go to see a doctor it would have been important for him to have been brutefully honest about his feeling and physical symptoms, if any. Only after that, could the doctor make or recommend a proper evaluation and, if necessary, prescribe an appropriate medication.

I wish you luck and hope that you can convince your husband to see a mental health provider.

Michael