Hello, everyone. It's taken me a few weeks to come to terms with this, but I'm definitely depressed. Now my depression is depressing me. I need a way out, but I don't see any. Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking about suicide (last thing on my mind), but I'd really like to talk to someone. Is there some kind of government agency through which I can gain access to a therapist/counselor for free? I'm broke and unemployed, otherwise I'd just pay for it myself.
I'm apathetic and don't want to do anything. I don't go out much, and I'm unhappy when I'm awake. I try to sleep for as long as I can, but the body will stay asleep for only so long. My bedroom is a snapshot of what's going on inside my head. A huge pile of clothes on the floor; some clean, some dirty, only I know which is which; empty Chipotle bags on the floor, an ashtray overflowing with cigarette butts, empty soda bottles on the floor and empty soda cups covering every other surface. I don't want to be at home but I don't want to go out either. I try to go out and be social, but it's not helping or making a difference. There's no sheet on my bed. I'm too apathetic to even put my wallet and keys on my dresser; now I just drop them on the floor next to my bed. I brush my teeth when I know I'll be seeing people face to face, and I only shower a few times a week.
I know I'm depressed; the signs are literally piling up around me. But I'm just too apathetic to change it. But I need to do something - and medication (legal or otherwise) is NOT the answer.