i am tired of not knowing

[misssleepy]

I am a 26 year old women and since 3 years i have been diagnostic with sever depression problems. Long story, but my concern is that i dont feel depress! I am exausted of looking for what i have and running after doctors who dont
concider me seriously. I past one year on paxil 60mg. Now since february, i am getting out of that by my own presently at 30 mg. I feel a little less tired.

I did all the test possible and nothing appear un normal except a low good cholesterol. I eat more fish now.

at 23 years old, i started feeling anxious and loosing pounds. I passed from 120 to 95 in a month. I took celexa for 2 weeks and I felt over energic like if i was on speed. my mouth was always clacking and i coulden t sleep. I had to return at my parents house and felt stuck in a nightmare like if i wasent in reality. But the psycosis was not diagnostic cause i didnt hear voices or anything. I start feeling that my personnality was going away and the past blend with the present moment. i also felt bad about the fact that i couldent be seen by others anymore cause i had that need of people s looking at me.
we diagnostic a narcissic closet personality disorder. But since i was that before 23 years old, i still feel that its something else going on.
today, i feel better, more in touch with reality but still weird. I am so tired and i have a hard time being outside because the sun light is to much. I still dont feel depress but stuck with a weird mental state. I need to sleep alot. that makes me loose my jobs. I also sometimes dont realy know if i am sleeping or in reality. I dont feel anxious at all. But sometimes i am preocuping by the fact that i dont feel my heartbeats and feel like the blood dont reach my foot or my hands correctly. I also have some nose bleeding wich i had never had before those years.

I am still in therapie and i feel that it help dealing with my family problems in the past but does not change how i feel physicaly. I have compulsions of buying new clothes and re organising things. But i feel its more because i am bored than anxious.

im tired of feeling like that. Of doing nightmares every night. I am tired of doctors who relate all my problems to depression syndromes and anxiety cause i am not. i just want my life back!

[vegansmile]

It is essential that you continue with your therapist. Discuss your severe anxiety and request solid coping tools that you can use regularly. Relaxation techniques are great!
Good Luck~

[Hensley258]

I can understand why your not satisfied with your diagnosis.

If you really are suffering from a severe Depression, then you absolutly would be VERY depressed. So much so that you probably wouldn't even leave your bed.

Don't get me wrong, my severe depression also has dozens of other freaky and terrifiying symptoms, all of which made me feel massivly depressed. I didn't even want to do stuff I liked, much less work or do undesirable tasks.

Usually when a person is suffering from a severe depression, they feel absolutly and utterly hopeless. It's an emptiness so powerful that it actually hurts deep in your head.

Your consentration would be so wasted that you would have much difficulty with even focusing on a simple task for more than 10 seconds.