Depression due to self-consciousness

[Xhuwei]

I'm 15 and I've been self-conscious since last year. I weigh 52kg and I'm a 4 feet 11 inches.
I've been to conscious about myself and my physical body leading me to depression thinking that I'm too fat, too short, and ugly. The thoughts kept getting to me to the point that I would get jealous when I see my friends. Whenever I see them, I think, "Am I the only fat one in our group?". I get nervous when I meet up with them because of how I dress, and because of the fats I have, I end up not confident enough.

Other than my own thoughts disrupting me, it was also the nasty comments I get from time to time. It was the comments that my family has told me since I has 10. They kept telling me to lose weight because I'm too fat, and I'll never grow if I'm fat---To the point that I couldn't take it anymore that I tried starving myself. I didn't eat for a few days, and somehow I've had these strong urges to do something, but unable to find the solution.

Not only my family make comments, but also my 'friends'. I don't think I can even call them my friends for calling me a 'stuck-up *****', a 'know-it-all', a 'try-hard-*****', and '******* fat try-hard animator'..

I've thought about my weight a lot of times, and also my height. I'm 4 feet 11 inches. I'm 15. My mom is 5 feet 3 inches, and my dad is 5 feet 9 inches. I read through a lot of blogs saying that they grew really tall even if their parents were really short.

So I held onto a little string of hope that maybe I could get taller if I grew thinner.

I've tried working out (simple jogging, exercises and dancing), but then it wouldn't work since I can't even maintain it due to the lack of time and laziness. Nothing worked :(

That's when depression struck me.

There was a time that my parents found out about my depression , they said they'd help me out, but somehow I think it's not helping at all. I still feel so fat..

It's like, everything people say to me, it's all imprinted on my head. It hurts so much..

Is there any way to help reduce my self-consciousness? Is my weight and height healthy? And is it still possible for me to grow?


Thank you so much for taking your time to read and probably give me some advice about this. It means so much:)

[Xhuwei]

Haha, in the near future, I'll try going there.
I'm in the Philippines currently:)
There should be more people like those guys at your country over here. Everyone here is so....conservative when it comes to both height and weight + whiteness and how we dress. u v u;; So the comments really got to me

[Naturally_happy]

Mmmm! Are you in the Phillipines or you are here in the USA?
My "hight complex" started here in the USA. Most people are at leadt 5 4" unlike our natives countries. Im from Panama where my hight didnt seem to be a problem bc  there are A LOT of people my hight or smaller!
I think this could be cultural as well!
I used to host students from other countries and i learned a lot. The standard for what is consider "fat" or skinny is very different from country to country.
Some cultures " meat" on your bones is ideal! Maybe you should move to Panama where  people LOVE their woman with extra meat on their bones! Lol!

[Xhuwei]

I'm actually trying to not compare myself these days, but somehow I just can't help it:((
I'm from the Philippines.

Thanks for the message though:) I sorta enjoyed reading that lol.

[Naturally_happy]

Well! Im 36 and 4 11" as well. I wonder how much is the age factor playing a huge role in this. I was VERY SELF concious about my hight until i owened it MOT LONG AGO. Please dont wait ghis long.
I used to pretend that i was 5" tall and my dr always game the inch when writing my hight on the medical records UNTIL i decided to owened it. I told my dr to tell me exactly my hight: 4 11" he said. I replied: ok, please roght it down. That was the moment for me! I was tired of not accepting the fact that i was short.  Since then, when people asked me how tall im, i go straight to the point without shame. It is just a fact.
I learned NOT to compare myself to others bc there will be always someone taller, smaller, prittier, uglier, smarter, dumber, fatter, skinnier,etc.
I started liking it. I found the humor in it , especially as a highschool teacher. I learned to have a handy joke or a comment that will make people think twice before making comments.
Sometimes i will be funny and other times serious:
Example: Well, what makes you think that is ok to be putting people down bc of _____? Do u go around asking people why are ur ----- so big? Geee, you are _____! Will u like me to say to you, hey, how come _____?
And i'm just PAINFULLY HONEST so they see the person in you and not the outside shell.
98percent of the time i get my students to think twice before opening their mouths to say something hurtful.

For some reason, especially teenagers, think that is ok to comment on people's hight. But think about it...  This you can fix if you dont like it: lol! I recently discovered a silent friend... Clogs! Dansko shoes do the trick!
Regarding you weight.. Im not sure about your perspective. Im a 112 lbs and Im not even close to thinking im fat!!!
Where are you from?