Depression/social phobia?

[this_conspiracy]

I stopped going to college last year for various reasons, but ever since then my life has gone completely downhill.

I've always been 'shy' but now it's getting so much worse, I don't want to go outside anymore, well I actually REALLY want to go out more, but when I think about it it makes me feel sick.

I think this all started because I got bullied loads in high school, it really hurt me as I was the quiet girl anyway.

But the weird thing is I'm fine when I talk to some people for the first time, but other times I actually can't speak to people -___- There's something in me that just stops me from making a convo with them.

I feel like they'll judge me, I'll say something wrong, they think I look awful or w/e so I just stop talking all together.

At times I just excuse myself to go to the toilets and just cry because it feels like too much.

I only have a few friends anyway because of this, and making friends is impossible.

I wanted to go back to college last September, but couldn't handle it because of the anxiety I was feeling being in a new class with new people.

I keep crying for no reason, I'm just so negative lately, I can't deal with things anymore.

I'm scared one day it'll feel like too much and I may overdose on pills, I don't want to die exactly, I just don't want to live like this anymore, I know if I did end up killing myself it will break my family apart, I can't do that to them.

I'm only 17, I shouldn't be feeling this way, I see other people my age getting along with life brilliantly, what is wrong with me, why can't I just get along with everything like other people?

Sorry this post is in a mess by the way -____- my head is just all over the place.

[ivan_elbisivni]

girl...don't worry...you aren't the only one who feels so.....listen to whatever people above me say....i am inexperienced...just began to see a doctor.....but feel free to contact!

[number15]

i experience some very similar feelings that i am still having a hard time figuring out. i also have a very hard time making new friends. even though i consider myself to be a pretty insightful and interesting person, i have a difficult time feeling and acting normal in a lot of seemingly normal social situations and i feel like it is really hindering the development of personal relationships. i often find myself going to the bathroom at a bar or a party just so i can escape the awkwardness and discomfort of a given situation. from what i can gather, i think i'm just way too self conscious. an ex girlfriend once told me that she didn't care what other people thought of her, and i had a hard time understanding that because for some reason i really care what other ppl think of me. i wish i didn't but i can't help it. maybe you have the same problem (just a guess). sometimes i find myself obscessing about how i'm percieved by others and i think that that;s the reason i have a hard time being myself sometimes. i'm not sure that helped at all but hopefully it's a relief that there are others who are kinda in the same boat as you

[jmdunn]

There are new medications for social anxiety disorders and depression. See a Doctor. They can help get you fixed up. (I've had similar issues, due to being raped when I was 15.)

[LeftCoastChick]

He can't say anything legally. If you won't talk to him, go to someone else, you may need a med that a therapist would not be able to give. And you may have a physical condition that cause this. (like thryoid issues which you need to rule out). You're family will only be supportive, and depression is never to be taken lightly so please go!

[this_conspiracy]

Thank you <3

The problem is my doctor is a family friend :( I know it's confidential, but I don't want my parents to find out at all, I'm scared they'll worry about me.

[LeftCoastChick]

You need to see your doctor now! If you have thoughts, passive or not of suicide, it's serious. Your family doctor can refer you to a psychiatrist, and you can sort through your phobias and depression, they tend to go hand in hand. Ending your life should not be an option to stop dealing with situations or depression. It's hard though.