Well I saw that you were feeling some depression after a surgery that you posted in another forum. I inderstand what it is like tryinh to put weignt back on and get back to where you were and I am a retired combat veteran and a junior black belt in tae kwon do so I know how important exercise and fitness can be to a person. I have had to do both weight loss and weight gain after some problems that I had and weight gain was the hardest because the stomach needs to stretch, but that part isn't something that has to be rushed. The important thing first might be to get a little blood work done to make sure yihr iron and cholesterol are in good range because that is going to be important. Well balanced meals and stay hydrated making sure you are getting all you will need. Also remind me what kind of operation you went through and what you believe are your physical abilities right now and I might suggest some more things.
Your question isn't very clear. I guess you're saying you think you're depressed but are hiding it because you're afraid of others' reaction. But depression doesn't feel the same to everyone -- it can manifest in different ways. It might help if you tell us what you're experiencing and it might help even more if you feel you are depressed to see a professional therapist who can help you understand it, diagnose it, and develop a strategy for dealing with it, whether that means lifestyle changes or therapy or if it's serious, medication.