I had the nexplanon implant fitted in January 8th and had it removed march 14th because of side effects. I cry all the time and can be set off by the smallest thing, yet feel emotionless most of the time. I always feel low, I don't want to get out of bed to do anything and will only do so when I have to or if someone else makes me. I get exhausted from the smallest everyday task, such as food shopping, going for a walk, going to work. I haven't felt myself in about a month and a half, but have always had the exhaustion and tiredness for as long as I can remember. Recently I've been having darker thoughts, I don't think my life is going to get any better. I don't feel like I am ever going to feel okay again. I have thought of suicide, but not enough to carry it out or to self harm. I have self harmed when I was much younger (14 years old) and have had counselling for a month or so at that time, but I just felt stupid and didn't want to carry it on. My boyfriend knows I feel low all the time but I haven't told him about my darker thoughts, and I haven't said about it in detail. He knows I cry all the time, mainly in front of him. I love him so much, but this emotionless feeling makes me feel like he can do better. I know if I didn't have him, I wouldn't have anything to live for. I really don't want to go to a doctor about it, I feel stupid and don't tell them exactly what's up. I visited a doctor the day I had the implant taken out and she assessed me to see if I was depressed and came with the conclusion that I'm not. At that point I wasn't feeling suicidal. Just low. It scares me so much, I just want to feel normal again, have interest in the things I used to like to do, feel the love for my boyfriend and family again.