Talking to a therapist is helpful because you can get a different opinion. When you talk to yourself, you constantly reinforce whatever ideas are in your head. You currently have a negative view of people, and the more you think about it, the more negative it becomes. Talking to a therapist can help you understand why you dislike people and challenge your thoughts and ideas behind your reasoning. There's no guarantee that it will help, but there's no guarantee that it won't either. Since you think wasting your life is an awful thing to do, it's probably worthwhile to give therapy a chance and see if you can start living it again
Regarding the medications, I don't know what medications you were on or why, but keep in mind that antidepressants aren't 'happy pills', otherwise there would be a street market for them. From what I've heard/read, they only make it a little easier for you to do the daily things that help you get by. Ultimately, finding out why you're depressed and antisocial and changing the way you think about things is probably the only way out, and therapy will be more helpful for that then the meds will be anyway. At least that's my 2 cents
When I first started seeing a therapist, it was because I was depressed of how overweight I've become due to the bipolar and depression meds. I had no self esteem. My therapist seemed OK at first, I wasn't sure it would work, but I gave it a chance. We really clicked. She was close to my age and I looked foward to my visits with her. Even when I felt goo, and didn't have many issues to discuss, we'd talk about shoes or something on a lighter note. I loved her. I saw her close to 3 years until I moved.
I do beleive that antidepressants work. Why was it such a terrible experience for you? Maybe try one drug at a time? I think Prozac is good for depression. well, it works for me, anyway.
I think you should give therapy a shot. It helped me tremendously. You shouldn't have to live your life the way you are feeling.
I think you can pull out of this if you just give it a chance. Good luck.
Eat banana's ,a natural anti-dipprasant
therapy is only good if they are willing to help you change your outlook. (it is also good if you have underlying problems to talk through. i enjoy therapy. it is the only time i can safely admit my wrongs and stupidity to people without being judged. they can also be very good supports, and help with goal plans, treatment plans. they can also be enemies, but you have to make sure to find one you can trust. i don't rely on therapy for my clinical depression. i know it comes in waves, and i know the things that i am going to write below are the only cure for it.)
you can change your thoughts yourself, by re training your mind, brain wash yourself. you want to forget your past ideas on reality. you want to substitute negative thoughts for positive. you become aware of the negative thoughts. instead of, this is impossible, you say, how could this be possible. you need to give hope to yourself even if it seems false at first.
the same as how nurses use the word discomfort instead of pain - because it sounds more hopeful and positive.
you need to learn positive affirmations. if you don't have faith, you need to do positive work. learning to be positive cures depression, and even HIV and other diseases.
medication is infested with destructive chemicals, such as rat poison, it is a conspiracy method of destructing people. that is why most anti depressants are reported to be the cause of most suicides. meds and anti psychotics just make you worse. mood stabilizers are the last thing a depressed person needs. you don't need to be calmed. you need healthy vitamins that give you energy and uplift mood. try vitamin b6. the best vitamin for depression.
stay away from depressing colors. for example, i lived in a red room. well red is too invigorating, it made me angry and more depressed. ironically, now my house is grey. you would think gray is depressing, but it is actually calming, peaceful shades of river rock.
the colour white drives people insane. thats why the have it in hospitals.
you also need nutrition. the main reason we get mentall illness is because of lack of nutrition. that and the toxic **** they put in our water supply and food, make sure you eat healthy and regularly.
you need routine and structure. it is the key ingredient. this means going to bed early, waking up early, getting all six small meals in during the day.
you need to go to support groups to stop isolating yourself. maybe volunteer.
most importantly you need to hit the gym. physical activity cures depression. they dont tell you that. but physical activity is the number one cure for depression, and it works. you need as much working out as possible in your schedule.
you need to force yourself into active activities.
find something you love, find something to love. think of yourself as someone overcoming an addiction. they get so stoked and excited that they finally will have money now that they are sober, that they go shopping and buy as much hobby stuff as possible, maybe they impulsively buy a kitten or a dog. it's not good to be impulsive, but it sure is damn good to reward yourself, buy things, splurge if it's going to get you out of a rut.
find as many hobbies as you can, then do written assignments and make life goals for yourself, figure out what your destiny is, why you exist on earth, and what your life journey is for. imagine a perfect day in your life, as perfect as possible, how you want it to be, write it all down, and then start putting these into positive affirmations.
who cares if it seems impossible. if you are currently broke, but your dream is to live in a mansion, write it down.
scientifically, your brain does not know the difference between what you have and what you don't. so if you tell yourself, "i am happy" or "i have an awesome car" or "i will live in that mansion" your brain will believe it, and it will send signals to make sure it happens.
Of course you have to start small or else your inner critic will step in and be like "a mansion? yeah right like that will ever happen". once you get good at it, you will understand just how powerful the mind truly is. you can win lotteries. you can beat any illness. you can beat a cancer that says you are dead in a week. they don't tell you that. but the power of the mind is the only cure you will ever need.