is it depression or your own nature

[amandaelmo]

I post a lot on this forum. I guess it helps me.  That or I have nothing better to do. I had a few weeks feeling really good and positive and now I feel horrible again, but I guess that's how it goes. has anyone ever had the thought that they don't have a mental disease, but that this is just who they are inside? I keep thinking that, though every different therapist or mental health professional seems to have a different idea, so I stopped going completely. now im thinking maybe inside this is just what I am these thoughts and feelings? anyone else agree with that? is this what we are, maybe too many people are quick to label miserable people as "depressed" or "anxious"

[amandaelmo]

I am looking to get a LOA because of my issues. I am completely overwhelmed with work and how I am feeling, I keep having crying spells. I just want some time off to be at home for a while. I think I am going to go ahead and take it. next week there is a big project at work, so ill put in for it after that. my attitude is because its frustrating no one can tell me whats wrong with me and at the same time I wonder if it is just normal to feel like this, like if you put anyone in my life situation they would feel the same.

I had one therapist tell me I wasn't getting better because I wasn't letting myself get better. yeah, ok I soooo wanna feel this way, it was bs cause ive done everything to try to not feel so bad and I have failed at every turn. then I start to even question my own intuitions. I keep thinking people hate and are disgusted by me and then I think maybe there is something wrong that I am thinking that, then someone does something to prove me right that oh guess what people are really out to get you. honestly I would love therapy to work, but it is so difficult cause it has failed so many times. with one person I was there for a year on and off mostly on and he couldn't help me. I you should understand how awful it is to leave a therapy session and just think I wish I could kill myself cause this isn't working. so yes therapy just to get an LOA may to you seem not right, but I don't have a choice,

im not doing this to give myself some kind of vacation, I have the sense I just need to stay home by myself for a while, that things will be better if I stay home, I know that sounds crazy but that's what it is.

[nursegirl6572]

Well, of course therapy doesn't work for everyone, but for most people who keep an open mind and try to employ the methods their therapists teach them, it IS very very helpful.

I hate to say it, but if you go in to this with a defeatist attitude, or if you're going to see the therapist only to get a LOA, you're not helping yourself.

Why are you looking to get a LOA anyway?  Because of these issues?  Just be very cautious, because sometimes, trying to do your best to maintain your daily life is more beneficial than anything else you can do.  Getting a LOA quite possibly make you feel worse.

Good luck to you.  Hopefully you'll give this next step a fair chance.

[amandaelmo]

my primary care has agreed to let me take a leave of absence but on the condition I have to see a counselor and that she is gonna put that in the paperwork I emailed her cause ive tried to see therapists and they obviously cannot help me, its all a joke. but for some reason she thinks seeing yet another therapist will help me hahaha yea right

[nursegirl6572]

Thanks for the additional information.

I agree with Crystal completely.  I just don't think you've found the "right" team of professionals for you yet, and also, you need to give these processes more time before you will see improvements.  The changes don't happen overnight.

Hopefully you'll take the advice given above, give a psychiatrist a chance to thoroughly assess you and recommend a therapist for you.  You can tell the p-doc the things about your prior therapists that just weren't "for you", and the doctor would be able to find a more suitable therapist.

Update us!

[Crystal413]

Since it's kind of unclear as to whether you think your med is working or could be working better with a diff med, I would strongly suggest you make an appt with a pscychiatrist. They are better equipped with depression and other mental illnesses. As far as therapy goes. Many of us have gone thru a lot of therapist in order to find the right fit. You can usually tell right away if they are the right fit for you. I know it's frustrating and time consuming but once you find the right one you will be be glad you stuck to the 'therapy mission'. The one thing about therapy is it is not a quick fix. It takes time, a whole lot longer than 2-3 months. And it is a gradual process. You may not realize it's working for quiet some time. Then one day you will say to yourself, hey, this is really helping me. Take notes, write in a journal the things you want to talk about. You tell them the topics you need to discuss. You've tried traditional therapies. Have you ever looked into DBT Therapy or CBT Therapy. I am currently in DBT Therapy, like the therapist a lot and am finding it very helpful. They have a diff approach.

[amandaelmo]

I started going to a therapist and a nurse who could prescribe meds that that therapist referred me to, after a while I didn't like the prescribing nurse and felt she was just a pill pusher for profit, so I kept seeing that therapist and just got meds fro,m my primary care. after a while I grew frustrated with my therapist and lack of improvement so I quit. a couple months after quitting therapy I started to feel worse again so I figured id go back and give it a shot, after a couple months I realized it wasn't working and became angry and consumed with the thought that my therapist hated me and was disgusted by me so I quit for good.  at that point I thought maybe it just wasn't a good therapy match so I picked another one and went there a couple times, but I realized that she wasn't helping the situation either and had the sense she pitied and was disgusted by me as well so I quit therapy. now I have no therapist, I just get refills from my primary care. I am trying to get her to let me take a leave of absence from work so I can stay home for a while. But I don't think she wants to since I quit therapy.

[nursegirl6572]

Why were you assessed by so many different professionals?

[amandaelmo]

one therapist said he thought I had clinical depression one said depression and ocd but was therozing bipolar cause that's how she billed it my primary care says depressed with anxiety, so basically none of them know what they are talking about cause if they did they would come up with one particular thing.

[Crystal413]

You have said that you have seen many diff therapist and mental health professionals. Have any of them diagnosised you with depression?

[nursegirl6572]

Hi there again!  Glad to see that you're still posting!

Depression has very specific symptoms, and one must meet certain criteria in order to be given a diagnosis of depression.  That's not to say that people aren't erroneously diagnosed with depression, but a GOOD mental health professional will know how to sort through the situation to come up with a solid answer.  

For example, I've struggled with depression on and off for most of my adult life, but mine is a secondary depression, caused as a result of panic disorder.  This last time I sat down with a new p-doc (this past November), I explained that I felt I was displaying a lot of signs of depression.  Basically, after a LONG interview and info gathering, he told me that he had no doubt that I was having some symptoms of depression, but diagnostically, I fell short in a few areas to actually HAVE that as a diagnosis at the moment.

I suppose that some of those symptoms could be related to a person's outlook and personality, but I think a good doctor or psychologist would be able to discern the difference between the two.

I would leave the assessment up to the professionals as much as you can, trust in them, get a second opinion if it makes you feel better.  The last thing you want to do is leave depression untreated because you think this is more of a personality trait.  You may be absolutely right, but I wouldn't depend on my own hunches, get some mental health professionals involved.

Lastly, even IF the way you feel is largely due to how YOU are, there's still things you can do to change some of that.  For example, if someone is a forever pessimist, or has trust issues with people, etc, those things can be addressed in many different ways.  There's always room to improve ourselves.  You can't change the core of who you are, but your perceptions, your reactions, and your outlook/attitude you can.

Keep us posted.  I'd be anxious to hear what a professional would have to say about this topic.  It is a good a question, and a valid one to bring up.

[4Maddie44]

Hello I am glad you keep in touch with us here.  I think it helps a lot to know there are other people we feel as we do.

As to whether you are a normally "miserable" person, I don't know.  Sad to think that what is people are.  Now happiness can be over rated.  How many are truly happy?  At the same time, how many are truly miserable?

If you have seen a great many mental health professionals, and you think they cannot help you, then are you prepared to accept that it is just the way you are, and live the rest of your life like this?  

I did find myself that different counsellors had different ideas, and they are not always helpful.  I think just coming her and talking can help.  

I think it must be difficult to tell whether someone has depression or not.  It is a label, when a persons low moods cannot be explained.  

There may be other people on this site who can explain it more.  I myself had depression for over 20 years, but I am trying hard to get out of that rut.  I have struggled, and fought.  I would say now that I am not depressed, just sometimes !a little blue" and everyone feels like that from time to time.  

Hope you find answers.  Take care.

[Crystal413]

You ask a really good question. In my opinion for myself anyway, I think it's just the way I'm made. I suffer from depression, my mother and my grandmother. I obviously inherited the gene. I have been in therapy my whole life. Now in DBT therapy. Always trying something or thins that might help. It's complicated because for many people meds, therapy and other things work for them. Then you have those of us who just haven't had success. Some weeks are better than others but nothing consistent for me. I seem to always have this dullness, like a cloud over me.