Hang in there sweetie things will get better
You have been dwelling on this one night fling incident for a long time, considering that there were no lasting physical effects, and are also spending energy thinking about things that can't happen such as the ex and the carefree life the kids are living.
If possible, it would be better to focus on something that can happen and also that is positive. Since you are experiencing suicidal thoughts it is a warning sign that you should seek help. Have you tried therapy?
Hello wondrous teacher (all teachers are wondrous-- big respect for teachers if you are one!). I am so sorry you are hurting. That IS really hard when you think the guy you are with is -- the one -- and it ends. AND, the further painful experience of that -almost the one- moving straight to another person and marrying or having a child with them. Ya, it burns on the inside for sure. Have you ever seen the old movie -When Harry Met Sally-. There is a whole scene in which this happens to Sally. My way of saying that it hurts and that scenario hurts all who go through it. You are entitled to feeling bad. If you have occasional or frequent thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself in any way, it's time to really get to work! That is depression in it's fullest and most dangerous form. I would talk to your doctor--- you can talk to any doctor as the first step--- your GP, FP or OB with a psychiatrist a the person best to work with you ultimately to overcome depression and a psychotherapist/talk therapist is also so very important. PLEASE do this.
I remember your battle with trich and how much that upset you. I see you conceptualize that it is common and in the big scheme of things, not a life changer. But it doesn't help for me to tell you that because it is a symbol of what is wrong with this picture in your life.
Let me also tell you that I've had a bad break up in my life. Face down in the carpet crying break up. Depressed and sad after. But it was years ago. I met a man after that and we married. Two kids and a couple of decades later . . . that man who broke my heart is a distant and irritating (really) memory. Give yourself time to heal.
But first, PLEASE talk to a doctor about the suicidal thoughts because you need to be safe so you can have the bright future you deserve. hugs and we are here if you need an ear.
my depression mostly effects my stomach. but I have tried a couple of times and just slept all night an the next day.that was no good I want try that again I lost the trust of my doctor and now the family I have left shy away from me.i am 77 and tired of all the abuse of me and my money. ovarian cysts I had them but the surgery was not bad'
wow you just have made some bad choices but there is someone you will find him you may have already met him or might be a friend. I put a picture in my pillbox of my favorite nephew se that sweet face and the thought goes away I don't want to desert him. he has not met his real father. he is in prison she told him if he ever wanted to meet his dad she would take him to
see him.