I don't know what to do anymore, Feeling Lost & hopeless

[RT93]

So my dp and depression has only gotten worse. I'm at a state of mind where i'm at the point of where am I, who am I, what am I, what do I do? Before I get more into this here is my back round. I'm a healthy 22 year old college male student. I don't do drugs, I eat healthy, no traumatic experiences, and I workout 4 times a week. I have been suffering from dp and depression for about four years and have taken citalopram(20mg) all four years. I also have therapy. Now, for the past year my brain has been getting worse and worse. I have a hard time feeling & showing emotions. There are times where my mind just goes dead blank for a while. My mind is constantly lost and not feeling real. I can't enjoy anything in life anymore because I feel like i'm just going to go brain dead. It as if I'm living in a black empty void and everything I see is blank. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. It's almost impossible for my brain to deal with school and I feel like my mind/brain is dying. I end up spending  a majority of my day siting in my room thinking of what the heck am I doing. I'm at the point where I think it's over for me. Nothing is helping and I'm only getting worse. If only I had the guts to end it.

sorry for the long post, I hope that anyone who reads this never has to go through this madness :(

[CRSeaside]

I looked up that swaiso. It's simple and a good idea.
I would get a med change. I think you are experiencing side effects from the med you're taking. Does your school have councilors? Some one to talk to helps. I'm glad you work out. Make sure your diet provides enough vitamins and minerals or take supplements.
  You can and will feel normal. Talk to the Pdoc. Maybe they'll wean you off this drug and you won't need anything. A lot of people can not tolerate side effects of meds. I went thru 8 medication changes, before the right Pdoc got me on the right combo of meds. I've been feeling great for almost a year now.
There are also support groups you can join online or in person thru NAMI.
  Get back to the person you want to be. Take positive steps!  All the best. Maxy

[RT93]

yikes

[manroot]

Wellbutrin worked great for me... until I went manic..

[RT93]

oh I have experienced withdrawl from citalopram before when I tried stopping taking it. It was horrible. I felt like a zombie and my brain was so Foggy and it was just horrible.

[rulytaco]

I just say beware of all the medications. I've been taking effexor and my eyes look tired depending on the level of medication in my system. Additionally, if you ever try to stop taking it, you'll quickly find out how horrible the withdrawl symptoms are. Be careful when getting on meds.

[RT93]

I'm currently taking a couple of my major courses, science, and sports.
Thanks for your post.

life is just really hard right now. I feel like my brain can't due anything. This might sound weird, but I feel like my mind is harder to hear myself think.

[Dalubaba]

Do you want to try something odd? This some movement, some concentration, some visualization,.  It is swaiso (SWAISO) It is Chinese exeercise, simple movement.It is a panacea. A technique to resolve your all problem. Google swaiso, read it, understand it and practice for  a few days. If it resonate with you, make it a part of your daily routine, otherwise discard it.

[water1959]

For me citrolopram didn't work. It did for a while then didn't.. There's so many new meds out there.  It also made me feel zombie like.. Plus its got to be more frustrating for you being so young and in college and your brain not functioning. Your brains in overload from stress. Do you mind if I ask what classes your taking? Plus sounds like you are approaching life well..no drugs..working out etc. But you're not having much fun either.. My guess is you haven't laughed for a long time. I can relate. Anything that even makes me smile is a godsend when dealing with depression. Find a coffee shop..a smoothie place anywhere just sit amoung people.. read do homework. Depression makes me forget what life is suppose to be..I get frustrated when people say things will get better *** doesn't help us right now uh. We just keep living until we feel alive again..