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Avatar universal

Is this depression? Is the cause neurological or philosophical?

About me:
I am a 30 year old man from India and I am financially stable.
My mom died 7 years ago because of cancer. This led me into science and philosophy.
I do not have any long-term goals. I do not wish to have.
At any given moment, I am ready to die with a prior notice of few weeks.
I do not wish to get married or to procreate. I think that bringing a child into a world that has the potential to make his/her life miserable is not a good decision.
I have suicidal thoughts few times per month. Mostly when I think about the societal & parental pressures I will be facing for my decision to not get married.
I do not look depressed. I live for short term goals (like road trips).
I have loss of appetite. This condition dates back to more than 10 years. But has worsened now.
My self confidence levels are below average.
I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

My views on life (based on facts):
Life is the product of a chain of accidents and we are just expendable carriers of genes.
In the grand scheme of things, there is no meaning or purpose to life though some might argue otherwise.
Life is not that important. It is just that we are genetically programmed in such a way to cause the illusion of importance.
Death is unpredictable.
Unconditional love does not exist. Love is all about certain neurotransmitters. Cut the supply (and the memory of previous supplies), and after a while, love ceases. In the case of kin bonding, add the concept of kin selection in the mix.
At an astronomical scale, the brief moments of life do not matter. Leading a life full of happiness is in no way different than not being born, since the entity that led the happy life would have lived for a laughingly negligible amount of time. Given the potential for misery, it is better to not be born at all. Life is not a must-do experience.
Life is just the pursuit of dopamine. According to the society, the dopamine sources vary from the noble to the nefarious. But once we realize that it is literally the same chemical from all the different sources, the pursuit becomes redundant and exhausting.
Freewill could be an illusion.

With these details, please answer the below questions.
1. Am I depressed?
2. If so, what type of depression it is?
3. Is the cause neurological or is it because of my views on life?
4. If it is the latter, how do people who know these facts manage to lead normal lives?
3 Responses
Avatar universal
How can we answer?  For all we know you're right.  Well, except for the dopamine -- that's only one neurotransmitter, after all, and there are a lot more of them.  Love is something nobody understands, but it's probably a survival mechanism for organisms that developed a cerebrum -- because we not only do but are also aware that we do, we can really complicate our lives so much that we forget to do what it takes for basic survival, the most primitive instinct, such as eating properly.  But here's the thing -- let's say you're right about everything -- why would that make you sad?  Or happy?  Why woldn't it just be interesting?  You see where I'm going here -- depression exists where you're sad and lack motivation for no apparent reason or as a reaction to a traumatic event or events.  I'm pretty sure you're right about a lot of what you're saying -- it is clearly obvious that life is pretty random unless one believes in superstitious beings and even then, the superstitious beings are pretty random in all religions.  But again, that doesn't have to cause sadness or loss.  And still again, lots of people choose not to reproduce, but again, that doesn't necessarily cause sadness.  So whether you're right or wrong you are thoughtful, and that's a good thing, and being thoughtful, you could change your views completely in three weeks from now when you get a different insight.  But if you're feeling so sad you don't like your life and you don't function very well, then you may well be depressed and still be right about everything.  
Avatar universal
As someone who’s spent most of my life with depression and being stuck in similar mindsets as those you’ve described, personally, I’d say confidently that yes, you are depressed.
Nobody other than a psychiatric proffesional can give you an accurate or specific diagnosis, but your views on life and existence and everything are pretty dang close to what I used to have. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, with psychotic features. That just means that my depression was so severe that it controlled and changed how everything- life, love, the world, existence- to the point where it was separated from realty. Basically, your depression completely takes over your brain and completely controls or changed the way you think and perceive things entirely, often skewing it to seem as though things are far more negative, hopeless, pointless or messed up than they are (or at least how they SHOULD be to someone who can live and find happiness within themselves.)
Obviously you have most of all the tell-tale symptoms of depression: total lack of interest in most aspects of your life, disregard for most normal things one should care about to some degree, weight loss, isolation, losing faith in humanity or companionship or, as you also said, love.
There’s no way for anyone to know whether or not the way you feel compared to the way a healthy and happy person would feel about EVERYTHING is more accurate or true. Nobody could ever know that. Maybe you are right. But the beauty in seeking treatment for your illness and getting to a place where you don’t feel so pessimistic and empty about everything is that, even if the truth is a terrible, morbid reality, you aren’t forced to live in it every single day. You can take your life back and more importantly, regain control of your brain. You are granted the freedom to see people as good, to see the world as a beautiful place where amazing things happen, to feel as if all life (mostly your own) does hold some kind of meaning. Maybe even fall in love, and just enjoy all the beauty that comes from it, not caring whether or not it comes from chemicals in your brain. You have the chance to find meaning in whatever you come across, and you have the chance to live without feeling tied down by all of those horrible fabricated thoughts about a cold dark world where nothing matters, not even your own life to you.
I would pretty much say that you have a pretty severe case of major depressive disorder, but obviously I could never even imply that I am in any way giving you a “diagnosis,” I am simply seeing someone who I saw myself as for many many years, and am hoping to provide insight and a little optimism that you still have plenty of opportunities to escape it.
For severe instances of depression to the degree you appear to have, I would try going to a psychiatrist first. If you start with therapy, there’s a really high chance you won’t feel like it helps at all and turn away from treatment. Strong medicines like antipsychotics are in my opinion, the best option, as antidepressants did nothing for me. Based on a psychiatrists  proffesional evaluation, you may need one or several medications to help you get back to a healthy level.
In case you have reservations about taking medications: I feel that the biggest misconception about them is that they “change” you or turn you into someone else. In reality, all they do is restore your brain chemistry to healthy levels and bring you back to a “healthy medium” in your head, so to speak. They allow you to think and act completely as yourself by simply removing the negative and FAKE thoughts that were keeping you trapped in depression.
Again. In no way am I telling you what to do. I just want to be completely honest about what your condition appears to be because of how nearly identical it was to mine, and all I’m doing is telling you the only way of treatment that has ever helped me.
You can always get better if it’s what you truly want, no matter how hard your depression tries to convince you that you don’t want to. It seems like you haven’t given up hope and I applaud you for speaking up and taking these small steps in the right direction. I support you brother, just like everyone else here. Everyone deserves a better life
1 Comments
There's great hope and beauty in this statement.  Also some misinformation.  Drugs do not ever restore who we really are -- they do in fact alter the way our brains work normally.  They do that on purpose.  That's why they are so hard for many people to stop taking -- when you do that the brain has to go back to working normally again, and often it just can't do that depending on the person and how long that person was on the medication.  Also, antipsychotics are not great drugs for people who aren't psychotic to take because they can actually cause psychotic behavior in those people.  The side effects are usually much worse than with antidepressants and sometimes permanent, such as involuntary movements.  Further, many of these drugs are used for their side effects, such as causing sedation that helps one sleep, without regard for the effects they are causing.  Now, it is true that there are people out there for whom the usual suspects just don't work for, and at that point these more difficult drugs are often used as "atypical" antidepressants and can often work for these people where other drugs failed.  But to start with them could be dangerous.  A lot of drugs are also used because they were marketed for unapproved uses illegally -- a drug you've mentioned, Seroquel, is the most notorious of these.  A lot of people were in fact harmed, a lot of fines were levied, a lot of lawsuits were won.  The management of the company still made out like bandits.  Be careful out there, folks.
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I would say you are definitely experiencing some form of depression. I too have depression but I also for many years have had similar world views on several topics you mentioned. I believe that all religion is at best social control and that everything in life is indeed random. It is true that we live our entire lives in search of dopamine but that is what human existence is all about. I believe that love and humanity do indeed exist and that is what makes humane existence bearable as there is not hereafter or greater reason for existing. I do believe that there may cosmically be something afterwards but who truly knows. I hope that you are able to find some sort of inner peace with your humanity. It is very difficult for those of us who see human existence from a scientific point of view to intermesh with people who live their lives based on faith and religion. There may be no true purpose to life but you might as well try to enjoy yours while you have one! Humans feel the need to have a purpose in life, it is part of of the human condition. I am not sure that there is anything beyond death but I do know it is very difficult to enjoy life when you are surrounded by the culture rules based on religion and societal control.
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