So, I have been previously diagnosed with Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Depression, ADHD, and Autism. I've been having ups and downs, but they just seem to hard to control. Yesterday, I was feeling great! Usually, I feel alright, but yesterday was far greater than normal. I made a list and tackled everything on it, did a full workout, and felt so confident that it was unlike me. Today, I had to fall out of bed to get up. Nothing on my list has been completed. My head felt so foggy, so I spent the whole day drawing. When I'm upset or depressed, I draw the strangest creatures. The other things I draw are my characters that I made, which I feel like are essentially a part of me. As weird as that seems. I didn't get up for hours, and I haven't eaten. I also keep getting random flashbacks to things that upset me years ago. I don't intentionally dwell on them, they just come into my memory really strongly. Sometimes they aren't even traumatic. But you know when you have the strong physical feeling that you get when you really really regret doing something? This happens EVERY SINGLE TIME. And my body shakes and I say something out loud about it like, "Jeez, why the heck would you say that to Penny? You're so weird." or "You should just kill yourself." or, "She was right, I'll never make it out in the real world." I cannot help this. It just happens, and it's been only a recent thing. I don't understand what any of this is. I feel so different from day to day sometimes, and it's getting so debilitating. Constantly, I'll try to think of positive things, but stupid negative things force their way through, like a time that I got made fun of for my learning disability, or the time I was abused, or even the times I never stood up for myself (always), and I get that really strong feeling of regret, and I shake. Then I proceed to imagine me doing violent things to myself (No one else), like bashing my head into the nearest wall or dumping boiling water on my face. What is wrong? Is this just depression?