Need Help

[upsetwoman]

Dear Doctor,
I won't go into detail.  Most of us have had hard times.  I'm trying to keep swimming by appreciating my 3 wonderful children, a loyal husband, freedom to begin travelling, yet the ball and chain plague me.  I got into trouble trying Cipralex, the Canadian form of Lexapro.  I do get anxious, yet the depression due to pain from an accident three years ago keeps me down.  I usually do cardio in the afternoon.  I am a certified fitness trainer.  Now at 50 years old, I can't stop reflecting on all the past problems.  The horrific deaths and tending to the bedsides of loved ones, including my 16 year old nephew, the abuse I encountered including being date raped the night I ran away one night from my controlling Father at 15, the identity theft issue, I'll stop now, since short of being murdered and being in war, I've encountered it all.  Faith-building is helping alot and trying to understand scientifically how the universe is constructed, studying, yet I cannot shake the past and the symptoms just won't go away.  Am I stuck in a rut?  I get relief taking ativan late in the afternoon.  I function to do more chores that I don't like.  I took effexor XR just after my nephew died.  It zombified me and interfered with concentration studying.  It nearly ruined a recert. I had to do for the City I live in for Fitness testing.  My husband changed about 7 years ago and told me that he wants to be my sounding board till I feel better and for as long as it takes.  He has tried and keeps  his word.  He was once on my list of enemies and saw the light when I was going to leave him.  What medications if any help a person like myself to be content and satisfied in life?  I also tried Celexa.  I have not had any success with anything but ativan.  My new doctor gives it to me like I'm a junkie and I feel so low and disrespected asking her for it.  Any help would be appreciated.

[LeftCoastChick]

I'm actually doing pretty good with things, like I posted, I've gone past being a survivor for most things, now it's just the dang mood swings with my Bipolar, which is biochemical. I have many more good then bad days, so I try not to complain too much. Part of why I am a CL here is to "pay it forward",  folks have helped me during my time of need, and I hope that I can always do the same :)
Glad you wrote back,
Cheers
LCC

[upsetwoman]

Thank you.  This forum is a step to admitting I have a problem and am willing to deal with it.  For now, this is a start.  I will talk to the doctor about another drug.  The people on this forum are real and kind people.  I will keep posting.  You have some serious stuff to deal with too.  I hope we can help each other out.  I'd like to blank it all out somehow with some positive reinforcement.  As for the ativan, I agree but till then, I will take it once a day at night only if I really have to.
Thanks.

[LeftCoastChick]

Hi there!
I'm in Vancouver, and boy it's difficult getting help in Canada, because the wait lists are so long. Is this new doctor a GP or a psychiatrist? If the doctor isn't, you need to get referred. You can't be in Canada, diagnosed with any mood or other disorder without a Psychiatric consult. Taking more then 2-3mgs of Ativan a day will start to do the opposite affect that it's prescribed for. I was told never to take more then 2mgs of Ativan a day, not because it's addicting but because long term wise, it's not going to work out well. There are a lot of better meds out there that can help with anxiety and depression and not in the SSRI/SNRI class of drugs. Educate yourself, look at the mood stabilizer class of meds, but don't get freaked out about the side effects, all drugs regardless of what they are for have side effects, look at a bottle of motrin, we happily take that med!

I had a very violent childhood, two very abusive relationships and was "date raped" when I was 25, though I don't remember the event, I fully remember the damage. All the things you have gone through are rotten, but one thing I have learned, you can control it, by not perpetuating the abuse by your own thoughts.  You will never forget, and it's impossible to do so. Folks that say they have, are in serious denial. You can be more then just a survivor, I actually have started to hate that term, because it means that you are holding too close that pain still.

Humans have bad days, simple as that, the key is, how you deal with them right? Meds can help level your moods, but like others have said, therapy and/or group support programs are as import, I know for a fact there are a multitude in Canada. I go to one at my local hospital. I would also check out Mood Disorders Canada,  or Canadian Mental Health Association. There are a plenty of links there as well, your psychiatrist might refer you to one or more.

I hope this helps, keep posting, this means you are on your path to wellness.

LeftCoastChick
Depression Community Leader

[star641]

sometimes im lost for words myself when it comes down to my life ,...oh!it does affect me in lots of ways ,..but in some way because i hurt so much i feel the need to help other people that hurt as much as i do ,
so if i can help you i will give it a good try ,..im not strong well i dont think so ,
i have tyred to take my own life 3 times ,...for some reason god doesn't want me ,.
all i do know is i would like to help you in anyway i can even if its to listen to you ,
i wont say i dont have my bad days i do its my sons death anniversary next week ,
so i dont know how il be in myself ,.....but i do think of all the other people hurting out there just the same ,....as Ive said i get to talk to my therapist and im on meds ,.
i have good days and bad days ,.....but i allways have my friends on mh to turn to ,
so take care and mind yourself ,........star.

[star641]

your very welcome,...you dont have to save people on mh ,.lol.....but you might find
someone might just save you ,....im always here for you ,.....just drop by my place
if you need to chat ,.star.

[upsetwoman]

I am lost for words about your daughters.  You have shed light with your tragedy.  You get on this site and try to help me?  Wow.  How circumstance can affect a persons' mental health is an oxymoron here.  How can it not affect you?  This experience you had would make most people be alot more than depressed.  How do you cope with this?  You must be a strong person.  You have given me some courage to actually know this about you.  Thanks for sharing.

[upsetwoman]

Thank you and I think I will stay on this forum.  Not sure how to save 'friends' on the page.  I need to look further.  Maybe I'm bipolar and can't understand it.  I was just told by a psychologist that I'm fine and my retired GP said I might be a bit depressive with some anxiety but most of it is situational.  That is still a problem.  I worry about my weight so I don't drink due to the calories.  I'd rather eat instead.  I feel better when I take ativan and now require at least 2mgs. when I'm at home for the evening.  Habit forming or not, it makes me feel a bit better.  I think I need to get off my high horse and admit and accept that I have a problem.  You guys are great,
Thanks again.  Talk to you soon.

[bernie40]

Hi again, I wish I could just bulldoze problems, I used to be able to but not anymore :(  That's awful that you got a therapist who undid all the previous good work, I know it is really hard to find a good one - I don't have one!  I have a psych but she doesn't "do" therapy she just dishes out pills.  A lot of my recovery has been down to myself with the help of good medication.

I read a lot of self-help books and looked into cognitive behaviour therapy - a lot of it wasn't tailored to me but I took the bits that were.  I do believe that a lot of it comes down to time.  There were things that happened in my past that have taken years and years to deal with.  I won't say come to terms with because I don't see how you can come to terms with some things.  I just learned not to let them impede on my current life.  I try and keep the past in the past and I don't look too far into the future.  I take it a day at a time which may sound depressing to some but I don't believe it is.  By taking a day at a time I don't build up expectations and then I can't be disappointed.

I try and deal with things as they come along.  

There are still very low moments when the past comes back to haunt me and I think this will always be the case and during those moments I take extra care of myself.

This is a great forum which I pop in and out of, I am more involved on the bipolar forum but as my bipolar is more on the depressive side I do find myself coming on here.  I have had depression since the age of 15 (if not before) some of it has been situational and a lot of it is down to my brain make-up.

[star641]

hi upsetwomam ,......can i just say welcome to the depression forum ,.and im sorry youve had such bad things happen to you ,
we are here to help and be helped ,....i suffer with depression but it got really bad when my son and daughter took there lives ,along with my other problems ......i have got more help on mh from all my friends that i never  got from meds ,,i am on meds ,and i do see a therapist but i have to give it to my friends on mh ,.i dont think i would be still here if not for them ,.so give it a try and look for some people to talk to ,...
as ive said everyone is here to be helped or to give help ,...
take your time you will get to know everyone on mh ,....
good luck ,.....star,...

[upsetwoman]

I like your id name!  Can you bulldoze problems too?  I know I need help, badly too.  I think I fit into the category of a good person who tries to help others and would like to join this forum for help from others like myself who admit they need help.  Please, do offer any other suggestions you might have.  I don't feel like going out and getting help.  I'd rather sit with others right here and try.  I am uncomfortable sharing with a professional.  I have been in a situtation where the help slapped me in the face and killed the 3 years of therapy in one blow.  Some therapists need help more than their patients.  I haven't been lucky.  

I'm into this forum since reading some of the notes tell me that most people that need help are really, genuine good people with an open heart and soul.  This is a great forum.

[bernie40]

Hi, you won't find a Dr on this forum, you would have to ask on the mental health expert forum for that.  You will find people who are or have been suffering from depression though who can offer you advice and support based on their own experiences.

Medication alone is not the answer, it sounds as if you would benefit from some decent therapy along the lines of cognitive behaviour therapy for one.  There are many other types of therapy.

Good luck.