What to die but don't want to hurt family

[LilyAnne1015]

I know it sounds selfish. And I've never been a selfish person before but I do feel like I can take much more. I'm sick. I have an illness that it's being treated by a strong drug combo. It makes me feel like I have the flu a lot. I only stay on the tx because if I don't I could face cancer or organ transplant in the future which would mean even more pain and expense for my family. This medication makes you depressed so my dr won't prescribe it unless you are on an antidepressant.  But I am on Welbutrin   It helps me with the terrible fatigue that comes with the tx but upsets my stomach sometimes.  So I'm not consistent with it. On top of everything else my 21 year old child has a drug addiction that she doesn't deny. And she got a DWI with pot in her car. Do know how that's going to work out she lives across the country from me so between the illness and the distance I feel helpless. She and I are close and she hates making me feel this way.  Btw she's also bipolar who refuses meds. She self medicates. I have another child who is very serious about her life and education.  But she is an Army medic  and She just re-enlisted. My illness has kept me isolated with my husband out in the middle of no where day after day. And he is one of those conspiracy theorist guys who basically is trying to prepare for our whole country to be taken over and destroyed. I hear this depressing message constantly. So I am just too tired to keep going. But I won't do it because of my mother and sister and kids i don't feel despair just fatigue and feel like I cant go on much longer. What do I do?

[birdie0907]

Also is there a distress center that you can call to have a phone chat?

[remar]

I'm so glad to see you've come here to Medhelp! This is a great site with great people who really care and can relate.
First off, you really need to take your meds every day for them to work. Wellbutrin is one of the more stimulating antidepressants so I think with your situation, your Dr made a good choice for you.
I know you don't get to see your children, but what about other family members? Do you get to see them? Being around people can really help with depression. If that's not possible for you then do you get to talk to your family members on the phone much?
I do hope you keep posting here. I've been a member for a few years and the people here have been so great and have helped me so many times.