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Avatar universal

No one belives me

Why doesnt no one belive me, I am not making up what I say I am really this way. I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety, just been changed onto venlafaxine 2 weeks ago as last meds didnt work.

Most days I dont want to wake up, if im asleep I cant hear my thoughts running through my head or have visions of killing people or myself. I think my anxiety stops me fron going through with killing myself because i fear death yet I feel so at peace when I think of doing tis. I have mood swings like you wouldnt believe, I beleive I am 3 not one. there are a lot of different sides to me and they all take turns daily.

There are days I wake up and I have to spend money I havent got on something I want at that moment in time then regret it later or the day after, its like some kind of compulsion, I cant help myself. Most days I sit motionless in front of the tv, dont do housework, nothing, just sit there quietly, I dont even think im watching the tele, im staring at it but not actually watching it, then something inside me clicks and I do the hoovering or something small, then I can go back to a veg again, or I go on a rampage or shopping spree.

If I argue with my partner, even something small I have visions of tourching his car, or stabbing him, or just going on a rampage, or killing myself and ending this pain and suffering im going through. My kids and my anxiety are what are keeping me here, I cant be without my kids, take my kids and I wont be here no more. Tell me there is nothing wrong with me like im just stressed and you wont be here no more, Oh yeah I have an angry violent side as well, I see what distruction I can do and at times it makes me feel good, makes me feel indistructable, like no one can hurt me or take me down.

I duno y im bothering with this, no one beleives me, u will all say stuff that will anger me, theres nothing wrong its just the depression. well ive had depression on and off for god knows how long now and these are new symptoms, everytime it gets worse n worse yet still no one belives me.
4 Responses
Avatar universal
I believe you. During my last "breakdown" I experienced something similar. Sometimes starting a new medication can make these feelings worse. What med. were you on before? I know you said the anxiety is what's helping to keep you from acting on these feelings, but in my own experience - constant anxiety made these feelings worse. I could not calm down no matter what, and there were days when I was afraid I would just throw myself in front of a train. I can only speak from my own experience, but taking an anti-anxiety med along with the anti-depressant helped take the edge off. Also, speaking with my therapist has been really helpful. It's important to have someone who understands and believes what you are telling them. It doesn't sound like you have much support at the moment, and this can definitely add to your anger / frustration. Anger and rage is often called "depression turned inward." It's really important to talk as much as possible about what you are going through. I wish the people in your life were more supportive. But have you tried speaking to a therapist?

I hope I didn't add to your frustration.

All the best..  
Avatar universal
What's not to believe? They are your thoughts and feelings and writing them here is a good step forward.

Do you tell your doc these things? If not you should as that is who will be able to actually help you more if they know aht you are going through.

To be frank your symptoms sound somewhat bi polar to me but I don't have enough info here to say. Nor am I qualified to say, just guess.

Speak to your doc, openly and honestly.
Avatar universal
Sounds like Bi-polor to me. Nothing hard to beleive with that.

If you mean, "why don't normal people understand me?" then no way. You can't expect a normal person to understand Major depression or Bi-polor dissorder. They think they can, but the have no clue.

Normal people can not be expected to understand because they simply do not have the capacity to understand.
Avatar universal
I have to agree with both of the posters, being a Bipolar it's awful feeling any sort of negative thing. You need to get help now, sit down with your family doctor, bring a list of symptoms just in case you're having a manic day and you feel better.  I've never experienced wishing to harm others, but I used to think about harming myself. Getting help will make you feel better. I was a mess a year ago, and now I've been stabilized and actually enjoy life now.
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