Why doesnt no one belive me, I am not making up what I say I am really this way. I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety, just been changed onto venlafaxine 2 weeks ago as last meds didnt work.
Most days I dont want to wake up, if im asleep I cant hear my thoughts running through my head or have visions of killing people or myself. I think my anxiety stops me fron going through with killing myself because i fear death yet I feel so at peace when I think of doing tis. I have mood swings like you wouldnt believe, I beleive I am 3 not one. there are a lot of different sides to me and they all take turns daily.
There are days I wake up and I have to spend money I havent got on something I want at that moment in time then regret it later or the day after, its like some kind of compulsion, I cant help myself. Most days I sit motionless in front of the tv, dont do housework, nothing, just sit there quietly, I dont even think im watching the tele, im staring at it but not actually watching it, then something inside me clicks and I do the hoovering or something small, then I can go back to a veg again, or I go on a rampage or shopping spree.
If I argue with my partner, even something small I have visions of tourching his car, or stabbing him, or just going on a rampage, or killing myself and ending this pain and suffering im going through. My kids and my anxiety are what are keeping me here, I cant be without my kids, take my kids and I wont be here no more. Tell me there is nothing wrong with me like im just stressed and you wont be here no more, Oh yeah I have an angry violent side as well, I see what distruction I can do and at times it makes me feel good, makes me feel indistructable, like no one can hurt me or take me down.
I duno y im bothering with this, no one beleives me, u will all say stuff that will anger me, theres nothing wrong its just the depression. well ive had depression on and off for god knows how long now and these are new symptoms, everytime it gets worse n worse yet still no one belives me.