Teen Depression or just my life

[Relayagain]

I'm 15 and I just feel sad I guesse but I don't know why. I am on medication and I know it's not the meds making me feel this way because before my moods where crazy I'd go from happy to depressive episodes at least once a week. Like bad ones. The sick part is I actually kind of like being depressed, well not depressed but giving myself self pity so I can just focus on my self. I think in 8th grade I had depression probably from my ADHD because I was never in the moment and things just went by. As I began 9th grade I developed social anxiety, I've always been shy at first or anxiety but it just got impractical freshman year. I hated going to school, my grades dropped, I would go the batheroom for lunch..I know pathetic. I later got prescribed adderall xr which did wonder to make me feel more optimistic however my depressive episodes were more stronger but better then feeling down all the time. Then as school started to end it seemed like the adderall just didnt work and was giving me extreme anxiety. Like it stopped working or something, I had no stimulant affect that made me focus on daily tasks. Then I started Zoloft 25mg which helped with mood, OCD, not so much anxiety though so my dosage was raised to 50mg. Ive been at that for 3 weeks and I am able to go in places but I'm just...quiet and my face is still but not much anxiety from it. Its really weird. 5 days ago I started on my adhd medicine and it seemed to help me go into places but all of a sudden my OCD started to come back which is weird. Then today my brother told me I wasn't ugly (wait for it) but I defintley am not beautiful. I now its dumb to react over this but it really hurt. He said who I was less pretty then and it just made me feel bad. It was my own fault because I was asking I guesse, he's 3 years younger. I'm just over sensitive. Then I started looking up feeling like killing yourself because of low self esteem. I have no idea why because I would NEVER do that, I have no desire to whatsoever because I love life but for some weird reason it just comforts me like I know there is a way out (again I would NEVER attempt to doo anything like that). The thought relaxs me and then I start feeling better and ready to participate in life. I became sad today not in my depressive tendencies however. Before you say "go to therapy" I should tell you that I have seen 3 different therapists in the past year. The first two seemed to be judgmental and in general just not who I would confide in. Then I was seeing my third one who was pretty good but I didn't open up and haven't seen her in a month. They were all young and to be honest I don't know why but I prefer older woman just because the younger ones make me feel like there trying to be your friend not there to help. Most of them just annoyed me because they just ugh it's hard to explain. I tell my mom everything and these therapists half truths. But my mom. She went away to a rehab center has been there since early this Month. Then she is going to a halfwayhouse for 6 months. I love her and I know its best for. Yet some reason I am sad to not see her yet feel strangely relaxed. Only because I would follow her around all day and wind up annoying myself along the way. She always seemed so numb when she was sober and never really wanted to openly listen to what I have to say I had to push it on her. She plays on her blackberry when I talk and in a way I feel like she wants to listen in help but she can't. Like she can't handle life without alcohole. I know this because when she is buzzed her mental gaurd is down and actually treats me so lovingly and wants to talk to me and want to help me and is willing to let me help her. I like to help everyone in my family but noone wants helps so I just become that annoying middle child who annoys herself by talking so much. I do feel selfish though because I feel like an attention begger with my family because of this. Ugh I doubt anyone will ever read this lol..Its just schools coming up in 5 days and its sophmore year. I don't know what to do or where to turn, I accomplished nothing this summer and my low confidence is starting to come back along with my anxiety. Any advice or just...anything it would make so happy!!

[Relayagain]

Thanks for your posts and I know it's hard to read lol sorry bout that. Well I see a pychiatrist for my medicine and they see me every month for dosage increases,ect. I have to wait because I would be wasting the pills I already have and my parents see its to expensive. Zoloft really just helps with my OCD and makes my moods more level. Ive been on it since July but since school's coming up in 2 days the anticipation is causing a great deal of anxiouseness more then social anxiousness. I am going to my pychiatrist sep.1 so I'll bring concern to her about this soon. The magnesium medicine you mentioned seems like it would really be a benefit for me. I see my doctor on Tuesday right before school so I'll ask her either over the phone tommorow or Tuesday in the morning. A couple questions if you don't mind. How many tablets would I take a day and at what time? I've been having difficulty sleeping lately I'm not sure if that will help or not. Also does it help instantly like how does it work on helping improve my anxiety? Will my zoloft prevent me from being able to take it? Last thing, is it the same as a vitamin basically or a dietary supplement? Thanks for any answers

[compnet]

Just noticed you have been in therapy.  It's hard to read it all smooshed together, lol.

You noticed some issues soon after going on the ADHD medicine.  You should have a look at your pharmacy pamphlet.  I take ADHD medicine, too, and it can cause irritability, anxiety, depression, etc.  You ought to talk to your doctor about this.

[compnet]

Just re-reading your post.  It also sounds like councelling would be wonderful for you.  I go for councelling and it is a great help and avenue for expressing my thoughts and feelings.

Have you talked to your doctor about an adjustment to your antidepressant?

What you said about thinking you are too sensitive over your brother's comment.  That would hurt me, too.  But, really, with stress issues like anxiety and such, people are more sensitive.  And especially when in the teen years.

[compnet]

I just looked up one of the popular multivitamins, and it only has 12% of the RDI for magnesium, and it is Magnesium Stearate.  There's got to be a multivitamin supplement out there, perhaps online, that has the RDI and in a good formula.  It's on the label.  Ask your doctor about whatever you are wanting to try.

[Relayagain]

Is the equate multivitamin just as good for all the above?

[compnet]

Magnesium is an electrolyte and mineral.

DEFINITELY check with your doctor.  There could be some unknown interaction.  You could also ask about magnesium-rich foods, and/or an Epsom Salt bath soak.

This is a non-prescription supplement.  Some of the safer and more effective forms include: Taurate, Glycinate and Citrate (can be laxitative.)

Tired?  It's actually helped people with fatigue, so it shouldn't.  I think a toxicity symptom is sleepiness, but that's at high doses.

[Relayagain]

Sorry forget to sent the TO part. Could I take this medicine with zoloft and adderall xr? I am going to ask my pych or doctor before I take it anyways. Also is it like a vitamin, will it make me tired or anything? Thanks for any answers

[Relayagain]

Thanks to both of you. I am just facing some  hard anxiety right now that is a pain in the but!! lol . To the suggestion on that Magnesium Taurate, its a vitamin right? Do I need a prescription or buy it? Is it dangerous to take with zoloft and adderall xr? Im going to ask my pychiatrist to I'm just wondering till my appointment..

[cowgirlnerd]

Your age is difficult to say the least, and with added pressures of your Mom being sick, too..you have a lot on your plate.  

It sounds like from your post that the way you are handling it all (even though you are suffering from depression) extremely well.  That's a lot of responsibility to put on someone your age and you should give yourself credit for that!  You are trying - that's important.

Hang in there.