If I know I can't kill myself, does that mean I'm not depressed

[lifesux101]

Its weird. It's like I want to die, but at the same time I'm scared of dying. It makes no sense. I just want the constant fear and worrying to go away. I hate my life. I'm 29 and people tell me I'm still young. So a part of me keeps trying to tell myself things will get better. Then there is another part of me that feels like I'm 80 and nearing the end of my life. Like I'm out of time to do anything. I've thought about ending my life since Jr High. I didn't have the guts to do it then, and I don't now. So I can't be depressed right? The funny thing is that my general health condition will probably kill me rather I want to die or not. I have High Blood Pressure and no health insurance. I have other health concerns that I don't feel like going into. Maybe if I could just talk to a doctor, I'd feel a little better about things. I don't know.


I'm sorry if this just sounds like idiotic gibberish.

[RubyWitch]

Even if you say you could never actually kill yourself, suicide seems to be an entrenched ideation for you. Call your local suicide hot line and talk with them. They have many resources to help you find the help you need. You've been struggling with this long enough and you've lost many years being unhappy.............depression has taken enough from you. Most of us know how difficult it is to fight a deep depression and we also know how easy it is to give up trying. But you wrote to us and that means you want help. Try some of the suggestions you've gotten here and if you still can't find help, post back and we'll all work together to figure something out.
If you have other physical problems that you feel are going to take your life anyway, you absolutely need to see a doctor. It's possible those issues are causing your depression.
Stay in touch with us, OK? None of us here got through our depression on our own and you won't have to either.
Stay strong
Peace
Greenlydia  

[Bubulous]

Wanting to kill yourself is depression.  Actually doing it saying that you don't have the guts to stick around and fight it.  Stop feeling weak for not killing yourself.  Stop dying and start living.  Every day you wake up is a new day to struggle with depression.  It is also a new day to fight and defeat it.  : )

Hi and welcome to the forum

Larry (Bubby)

[mammo]

It sounds like you have some depression going on which will make you feel like you do.  Google clinics in your city and find one that charges a minimal fee to treat you for this.  They can also treat your hypertension.  You have no control over how you are feeling or thinking which is all the more reason to seek help.  You are very young and have so much living to do.  Once you get treatment, you will feel much better.  Never give up, don't let this beat you.  There are a lot of GP's that will work with you on a payment plan as well.  With this economy they are very much aware of how people are struggling.  Don't give up on yourself, you have a long life ahead of you which can be a happy one with a little help.
Also google mental health clinics. Feel free to talk with us, we're not doctors but just being able to talk to others who understand where you're coming from is a big help. Good luck and keep us posted on how you're doing.