Social Security and My Depression Would I win it eventually ?

[antwon70]

I am 38, I had a complete Major Vegatative Depression in 1997, and was more lor less bedridden for 6 months - Nothing worked for me except SERZONE ( Now Called Nefazodone ) I have been on this Medicine for 11 years - I have struggled with Depression BIGTIME and only ever worked for my Father and my Myself, I could work at my own pace and about 20 hours per week for Dad till 2005, then I quit because I was not relaible due to my Symptoms that have always plagued me, I hate the Morning, I sleep about 2 to 5 hours a night Max, I cannot stand cloudy days, or dark days in the winter, I have to do light therapy -  In 1997 when I was decompensated, Dad was kind and paid me each week to cover me till I got better. I have now struggled through my Depression for 4 years being an online auction Power Seller from my own home, I work about 15 to 20 hours a week and can barely do it, even though I have been blessed to make a good amount, but the symptoms I feel are interfering with me to be reliable to do the job I do from the comforts of my own home. My wife cries often as the Morning is the worst, and I am so irratable in the morning, it makes her sad - I can't stand the day, it is just horrible - I take Klonopin when needed when I have nights where I do not sleep more than 2 hours. I have Social Anxiety, Anedonia ( Lack of Pleasure and Interest in all things) In 2000 I was diagnosed by a Psychiatrist with Clinical Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD from almost dying in a Natural Disaster Flood in 1996 - Anyhow I do not like to venture far or long from home as I feel unsafe, and the need to check on my House ( PTSD Symptoms I suppose ) Anyhow I had a Major Depressive Relapse this past May for about 2 or 3 weeks, but fought my way through it as I have been going to Mental Health Therapy since Nov. 2007, but I am just overwhelmed with Life and Work, I fear I cannot fight Depresssion Symptoms that have never been cured, since 1997 and continue to work, I am afraind the stress of work as I fight these Deprsssive Symptoms is going to cause me to relapse bigtime. Should I apply for Social Security ? One person told me they thought not unless I try ECT - My one Doctor told me ECT was barbaric in his opinion. Can Social Security make me risk permanent Memory loss from ECT against my wishes to approve me ? is not my History, Anti- Depressant for 11 years, and PsychTherapy sine Nov. 2007 not enough to get me an approvalat some stage ? Please someone let me know, I know how I feel, and that work is to overwhelming for me, it is not laziness !

[antwon70]

Hi, everyone is differen't - What works for you or others did not work for me, the ONLY relief I got from my Major Vegatative Depression was Serzone, and only 200mg a day at that, that is all I ever took. I tried, Paxil, and laid awake literally for 2 weeks straight, tried Zoloft, Noritryptaline, Pamelor, Triavil ( Trilofon ? ) - Ambiem , Xanax, Trazodone, Temazepam, Serax, Lorazepam - SERZONE acted as a DUAL agent, it helped life the Major Depression and reset my Sleep to the broken sleep it is, and squashed HORRIBILE Anxiety. I know what I can and can't do, and I have been struggling for years, working for myself from my own home, I am not sociable, if I go out in public and I am in line or a crowded room I get a palpatation, weak knees and feel detached from reality, my therapist told me that is anxiety - I feel I was double crossed, Serzone was all that helped me, it did not cure me, but it helped more than any other, HOWEVER I started in 1997 and in 2004 a Big Liver Black Box came out, and it is considered a dangerous drug.

When I tried to cut down I feel I might die, have a seizure, black out into coma, stroke who knows ? I am that chemically dependent on it, I have told every Doctor over the years how SEVERE an effect it has on me to even scrape this med down a little, I am that sensitive, I feel like filing a lawsuit to have the right to take this Medicine the rest of my life, as the reduction I feel would put in a state of UNTHINKABLE Mental and Physical Torture, pain and suffering - I have been on it 11 years religiously. I feel the Doctors think it is in my mind, and it is not, a 25% reduction one time by the 5th day my left leg was completely numb, I had total insomnia again, a metal taste in my mouth, staring out into space, crippled like I could not walk, and I could not turn my eyes by the 5th day, it was getting worse everyday, not better. The centers of my eyes felt like they were jumping, it was the weirdest thing I ever felt, I resumed back to the 200mg a day on day 6 and 7 and I felt better again like I am now - I PRAY my Liver tests are alsways ok, but I PRAY I can always take this med, or my life is in Serious Trouble, for me maybe not for you or others, I cannot handle the slightest reduction. When I took it up to 300, I felt like a Midless Zombie -

I only go to a Licensed Clinical Social Worker Therpaist for the last year, and a Family Doc, I do not see a Psychiatist anymore, since 2000 - 2001 But If I truly feel like I cannot work no more cause of the come and go MAJOR Depression Symptoms, I battle everyday of my life, and always have since 1997 and the fact that I am 38 and NEVER worked outside my Home or My dads for more than 20 Hours a week, I should be able to apply for Disability, I have paid into it for 18 years, and I should of filed in 1997 had it not been for my Dad covering me, and allowing me to work at my own pace till 2005 when I started selling online for myself till precsent from my own home,  at my own pace - I I would of NEVER lasted at a 40 hours a week at a Job around people, or been reliable, MY MOODS do Change with the weather, I have horrible SAD, my therapist knows this, but I need to tell my family Doc more about this, I use light therapy up to 2 hours a day even in the summer when it is cludy or rainy for a couple of days in a row, I am messed up, and I know it -

I asked for advice on another forum and someone suggested I would NOT win Disability, becuase more or less I would have to try ECT or VNS first - I think that is bull, I will NEVER allow anyone to sedate me and ZAP my Brain with Electricity NEVER !!! I did not even do that with my major Vegatative Depression !, I will not have Surgery and something implanted into my Brain either ! ANd I do not want to switch meds !, Posiibly as something to this, but NEVER switch, as ****** as I feel everyday I still get SOME benefits from this, like the 2 to 5 hours of broken sleep I get versus NO SLEEP before I got on it ! Can a Social Security ALJ Judge deny me cause I will not submit to ECT at a Dr's advice ? That can risk ruining my brain even worse than it is ! My wife can testify how miserablew I am since 1997, my Last Psychiatrist diagnosed me with Clinical Depression, and PTSD - Someone please advise, I fell so hopless about my future and if I apply for Disability -

[antwon70]

Hi, everyone is differen't - What works for you or others did not work for me, the ONLY relief I got from my Major Vegatative Depression was Serzone, and only 200mg a day at that, that is all I ever took. I tried, Paxil, and laid awake literally for 2 weeks straight, tried Zoloft, Noritryptaline, Pamelor, Triavil ( Trilofon ? ) - Ambiem , Xanax, Trazodone, Temazepam, Serax, Lorazepam - SERZONE acted as a DUAL agent, it helped life the Major Depression and reset my Sleep to the broken sleep it is, and squashed HORRIBILE Anxiety. I know what I can and can't do, and I have been struggling for years, working for myself from my own home, I am not sociable, if I go out in public and I am in line or a crowded room I get a palpatation, weak knees and feel detached from reality, my therapist told me that is anxiety - I feel I was double crossed, Serzone was all that helped me, it did not cure me, but it helped more than any other, HOWEVER I started in 1997 and in 2004 a Big Liver Black Box came out, and it is considered a dangerous drug. When I tried to cut down I feel I might die, have a seizure, black out into coma, stroke who knows ? I am that chemically dependent on it, I have told every Doctor over the years how SEVERE an effect it has on me to even scrape this med down a little, I am that sensitive, I feel like filing a lawsuit to have the right to take this Medicine the rest of my life, as the reduction I feel would put in a state of UNTHINKABLE Mental and Physical Torture, pain and suffering - I have been on it 11 years religiously. I feel the Doctors think it is in my mind, and it is not, a 25% reduction one time by the 5th day my left leg was completely numb, I had total insomnia again, a metal taste in my mouth, staring out into space, crippled like I could not walk, and I could not turn my eyes by the 5th day, it was getting worse everyday, not better. The centers of my eyes felt like they were jumping, it was the weirdest thing I ever felt, I resumed back to the 200mg a day on day 6 and 7 and I felt better again like I am now - I PRAY my Liver tests are alsways ok, but I PRAY I can always take this med, or my life is in Serious Trouble, for me maybe not for you or others, I cannot handle the slightest reduction. When I took it up to 300, I felt like a Midless Zombie - I only go to a Licensed Clinical Social Worker Therpaist for the last year, and a Family Doc, I do not see a Psychiatist anymore, since 2000 - 2001 But If I truly feel like I cannot work no more cause of the come and go MAJOR Depression Symptoms, I battle everyday of my life, and always have since 1997 and the fact that I am 38 and NEVER worked outside my Home or My dads for more than 20 Hours a week, I should be able to apply for Disability, I have paid into it for 18 years, and I should of filed in 1997 had it not been for my Dad covering me, and allowing me to work at my own pace till 2005 when I started selling online for myself till precsent from my own home,  at my own pace - I I would of NEVER lasted at a 40 hours a week at a Job around people, or been reliable, MY MOODS do Change with the weather, I have horrible SAD, my therapist knows this, but I need to tell my family Doc more about this, I use light therapy up to 2 hours a day even in the summer when it is cludy or rainy for a couple of days in a row, I am messed up, and I know it - I asked for advice on another forum and someone suggested I would NOT win Disability, becuase more or less I would have to try ECT or VNS first - I think that is bull, I will NEVER allow anyone to sedate me and ZAP my Brain with Electricity NEVER !!! I did not even do that with my major Vegatative Depression !, I will not have Surgery and something implanted into my Brain either ! ANd I do not want to switch meds !, Posiibly as something to this, but NEVER switch, as ****** as I feel everyday I still get SOME benefits from this, like the 2 to 5 hours of broken sleep I get versus NO SLEEP before I got on it ! Can a Social Security ALJ Judge deny me cause I will not submit to ECT at a Dr's advice ? That can risk ruining my brain even worse than it is ! My wife can testify how miserablew I am since 1997, my Last Psychiatrist diagnosed me with Clinical Depression, and PTSD - Someone please advise, I fell so hopless about my future and if I apply for Disability -

[Hensley258]

Have you already tried alternative AD medications such as MAO, Tri-cyclics, or Tetra-Cyclic medication?

I'm just asking because my Depression is VERY hard to control and very resistant to medication, yet my Psychiatrist has been able to find some odd combinations that work for me.

I am a bit supprised that you found Serzone to be the only effective medication, simply because Serzone has one of the lowest response rates of any AD medication. In fact your the first person I have heard from that actually found Serzone to be effective.

ECT.... Well, only you can make that choice. It can be effective, but there are two major problems with ECT; (1.) It almost always causes short term memory loss (sometimes very bad) and (2.) Even after a several week course of ECT, you still have to get monthly ECT done for it to keep working.

Regarding the Social Security..... You mean like filing for disability benifits? Yes, people with treatment resistant depression can be approved for dissability and collect benifits. Only problem with that is the amount. Your looking at maybe $700 per month and that's about it. It hard to live on only that much money.

Have you gotten, 2nd, 3rd, and even 4th opinions from different Psychiatrists about your condition? I know if I would have stuck with the same lousy P-Doc I first went to that I would not have gotten any better.

Try to find another P-doc if your not getting results. Maybe this one your seeing just isn't very skilled at treating Refractory Depression like you and I have. Find one that does know how to treat it if you can.

[Dreamsie]

I work about 10 hours a week and find that a major task, I do study, but find that hard to start since I am demotivated a lot, once I get going Im usually quite alright. I have social anxiety too, and generally will not be sober or avoid social gatherings that require my attention to more then 1 person at the time. I have to do a front of class uni presentation in a few weeks and Im already anxious and stressing about it.

About the social security, I don't really know how it works in the States, I live in Australia and the medical health system is a bit different here. I fully qualify for a disability pension, except for the fact that I haven't been permanent resident (I immigrated here a few years ago from Europe) for long enough (10 years is required), so I am on what they call a 'Newstart Allowance'. I do get discounts on public transport, medication (I pay AUD$5 per script), any other medical help is free for me, I get massive discounts on my electricity bills etc, but the income is only AUD$550 a fortnight, which is very hard to live of in a city like Sydney.

I reckon you should discuss it with your doctor, get evidence (medical certificates etc) together and have a go at it. Find something to do that you like doing, in the privacy of your own home, that makes you feel satisfied and safe and a bit proud of yourself. I don't leave my house much, and I don't have a garden, but I do like gardening, so I bought a 60 liter storage container, some fertiliser, flower seeds and a 30 liter bag of potplant dirt and got my own mini garden now. I watch my little baby plants grow every day, and it makes me happy to be able to do little things like this.