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Struggling to enjoy hobby after feeling well.What should I do?

So I have been suffering from on again and off again anxiety/depression for the last month(due to external circumstances). I have constantly put in the effort to feel like myself again. Last night I finally felt an immense burst of pleasure directly from plaaying one of my favorite video games. i don't know if it is important but I just had an emotional discussion with my mom. Today in school, I was walking around and finally started to remember the thoughts and memories that made me feel so proud to be myself. I felt happy, and like myself. To be thinking and feeling made me happy.

I then sat down in a room by myself to take a plunge into another one of my favorite video games.

The results weren't good. i kept drifting in between pleasure and satisfaction with recall of memory and complete loss of focus, numbness that was going on and off on the left side of my front, top skull and blanking out for no reason. I forced my mind to keep focus and engaged with random success. What should I make of this? There's no way this is normal. To be goign from enjoying to mind going blank back and forth.
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Avatar universal
First, you don't say how old you are, which is important in understanding what's going on.  Second, you're doing an awful lot of self-analyzing instead of just doing.  Third, are you isolated and playing video games by yourself or do you have an active life that includes friends and others?  Next, external issues don't "cause" anxiety and depression. The way we think does.  Some of us are prone to that type of thinking and most of us aren't.  Bad things will always happen in life, but most people don't end up depressed and anxious because of that on a chronic basis.  So what treatment are you receiving for this?
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