Curious About My Mental health...

[p0et]

Often times I find myself either depressed or "having a good day".  I'm not on meds, don't use drugs, or drink alcohol.  I have a horrible temper, but usually suppress anything that I might do, because I may regret it, or I'll have to hear about it later, which makes me more angry.  I normally end up hitting inanimate objects as opposed to a person or being, however I have hit people before.  Recently I have been having thoughts of suicide, but I'm sure I wouldn't carry out a suicide plan.  When I think about suicide, which is often nowadays, I get even more depressed.  However, when I don't have those thoughts I'm normally a happy person, but with mood swings.  Bipolar disorder runs in my family on my mother's side, and I'm most like my mother.  I can go from a happy state, to a depressed or angry state in a matter of seconds.  I have not been able to control my thoughts due to my temper.  I have gotten fed up with my anger and my depressed thoughts.  I hate my anger problem because I usually lash out at friends or family.  I am already unmotivated as it is, so if there's a medication to relieve anger, I'd prefer one that doesn't make it worse.  However, I don't think I could do less, unfortunately.  I believe my lack of motivation is due to my depression and anger.  The common ways of "cooling down" or "relieving anger" have not worked.  For example: counting to ten, taking deep breathes, talking about it.  I'm only 16 years old, which some of you may think I just want attention or wont take me seriously.  I'm just asking for any suggestions or possible medication for depression and/or anger.

Thanks.

[DWB484]

Like the advice wisely given above, find a sympathetic doctor and get professional advice. Bipolarity and suicidality both seem to run in families. It's possible you're experiencing 'prodromal' symptoms of bipolar disorder - the early stages before the condition manifests fully as you're still very young. Years ago, psychiatrists would talk of a 'cyclothymic personality'; a personality which was prone to mood swings but not to a degree sufficient to warrant a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. This is now obsolete with the modern view of several sub-types of bipolar disorder. Keep a mood diary, like the one on this site, and take a copy to any assessment to deter any suggestion you're 'attention-seeking'. Don't allow yourself to be pushed away with such a ridiculous label - it's a universal human trait to seek attention and it's 'normal'. Go for it and good luck!

[LeftCoastChick]

You can tell your doctor can't you? Sooner you get help, the easier life will be :)

[p0et]

Thanks for the suggestions, I hope I can come around to tell someone in my life about this.  Hopefully I/we can fix it.

Thanks again.

[LeftCoastChick]

You do have classic BP symptoms, though we can't legally diagnose your problem. I recommend that you see your family doctor ASAP. Teens don't have the same things as a BP teen. Getting on some good meds can stabilizer you, and if you catch it early enough it's so easy to stabilize quicky :) Don't be afraid of going to a "shrink" they just know a heck of a lot more about meds and listening to you. The sooner you get help, the faster you will feel better,

If at any time are sucidal, tell you family, you need to get help please! It's as serious as a heart attack, go to your local ER.

take care,
LCC

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes that does sound like bipolar rather than depression as it involves moodswings from manic to depressed. You should speak to a school counselor and see if they can help you by making a referral for someone to speak to about what's going on as especially suicidal ideations are of concern. Bipolar is very treatable with medication and talk therapy. The first thing you need is someone supportive to talk to. The guidance counselor should be helpful and perhaps there is a school psychiatrist as well who could make a referral.