don't feel well

[Poo44clooner]

I am awake at almost 3am since 1am.  My heart is beating fast.  I have such paranoia and anxiety, and depression.  I feel that no matter what I do it is wrong.  I wish that I could erase myself from this planet.  Don't really know why I was even born.  Looked over my life, nothing special except for my beautiful daughter who I feel sorry for because she has a mother like me.  I wish I was dead.  I hate these feelings, they are out of control.  I can't make sense of them.  I feel like I am doing everything wrong, and that everyone either tolerates me or hates me for one reason or another.  I don't feel validated by anyone.  It's like my problems aren't real to others, and therefore, I am not real.  But that makes me mad because everyone else gets validated.  I feel like screaming to the top of my lungs...."I am real, I exist, I am someone important, and the things I do and say are important.'  I want to stop being discounted and viewed as "crazy."  I hate me.

[TORCH89]

Hang in there. Think about this, it's not you that you hate it's your feelings. There are many of us out here that live with depression and anxiety. We don't like it but we do turn to others for help. You did the right thing coming to this site, don't give up. We all need to work together to take our lives back.

[dwt7let]

Hi
Poor you beating yourself up we are often given this negative way of feelings from our up bringing. Perhaps now is the time to get some counselling and deal with these demons
and bin all the negative stuff, start believing your a beautiful human being and theres a big world out there waiting for you !! Start being kind to you, sounds like you've got anxiety with the palps unless you've come off some medication ?
If I were you knowing what I know now don't go down the medication route try holistic go to the health shop and get some 5HTP converts to seretonin of a day and melatonin of a night, see your doing some exercise get out walk, do yoga, listen to meditation CD's
especially when waking with these palps. Practice abdominal breathing the palps or panic attacks are caused by a lack of oxygen so this breathing will restore the balance,
Don't let people treat you bad, theres a saying we teach people how to treat us and it's true don't be a lemon say how you feel your thoughts and feelings are important if they don't like the change tough are they worth knowing ?
If we do what we've always done we'll get what we've always got !!
Depression is anger going in, speak up for yourself !!
Good Luck
Love
Lorraine xx