I am so sorry for your loss. I am here if you ever want to talk. I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to loose your child and i am guessing with a lot of unanswered questions.
I am here for you.
Hi. I am so sorry, there is no greater loss than that of a child! I lost a son, and understand all you are enduring....the pain...the anger...the whys? Losing a child is a million times worse than anyone can imagine. I can tell you it will get easier, not sure how or why...just that it does. Like you, I was like a lost child for awhile unable to accept that my child left this earth before me....not how it's supposed to be. It's good that you are seeking help with this, because this is one thing that is too big for us to handle on our own!
My heart just aches for you. Try to take it one day at a time, thinking of your son and everyone else who loves and needs you. One thing that helped me was to journal my thoughts and feelings, and I did this in the form of letters to my son. I hoped he could hear the words I wrote. Doing this is very therapeutical, so please give it a try. I'm always here if you ever want to talk or just vent, and will understand where you're coming from. Big hugs to you, and take care.