Hi there! This is a forum so that folks can share their experiences with others as well as support, there are no medical personnel here. It's better anyways to seek help in person.
Have you thought about seeking out a psychiatrist? At this point, with chronic depression, it's important you see a p-doc, a GP isn't educated enough to make a firm diagnosis. I should say that depression can hit anyone, whatever they look like, their intelligence or their social status, it just happens. You've also indicated that you get drug "poop-out", which is common with other mood disorders. Getting a proper diagnosis will most likely get you on better meds. You can't start and stop drugs when you feel better, especially with your history, from my observations from folks who post here, it makes them worse in the long run. Major depression is like any other disorder/dis-ease, like Diabetes you need to take it daily . There are other classes of meds that are an option, but you need to speak with a psychiatrist. It completely depends on your diagnosis what kind of meds will work best.
I should also interject, the drugs don't cause the weight gain, but you may have more cravings to eat certain foods. I still battle that - 25 out of 30 days I can control it, but pms and the cravings are a bad combo, BUT I'm willing to take the risk so that I can remain stable. It's the lesser of two evils, I'd rather be stable emotionally.
I hope you can get a referral soon, you won't regret it!
You are advised to see a doc, as you suggested, so when the posting limit is open go for it.
Until then, you could ask your pharmacist. This is a good idea anyway, to maintain communication with your pharmacist since they are often more accessible than your doc for a quick response. Also, you can sometimes find something from the pharmacist that your doc didn't communicate. Plus, you have a number of questions and depression is serious business, so you need professional advice.
I have seen posters claiming the Paxil makes weight gain and others saying the drug can't do that, it just makes you hungrier. A pharmacist will know for sure.
The fact your depression came back so quickly after you stopped WB indicates you may need to stay on meds for life. Two depressions almost guarantee chronic depression problems in the future, as the depression kind puts a dent/bruise in your personality that won't go away. I read this, so am not just guessing.
Feeling that you have no friends, that no one likes you, and having a very low self esteem is more common than you think. However, there are lots of ways to change your outlook on life, as those feelings are not positive and you feel are not necessary based on your self portrayal.
Meditation, cognitive behaviour therepy, etc. may provide you with help. You could discuss these approaches with a counselor but a psychiatrist is better.
Being depressed is another matter, and may not be curable. It is nothing to be ashamed of, it just is the way it is for many people.
I wrote, "I have seen posters claiming the Paxil makes weight gain and others saying the drug can't do that, it just makes you hungrier." because I didn't read the response from LCC while I was doing my own post.