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What to Do When Literally Nobody Loves You

While I know there are people in worse situations in the world, my life is very bad.

I was disabled a few years ago, which made me unable to work, and then unable to find work within the new limits of my disability (basically desk work).  I tried to start my own business, but my computer was stolen, which was a major set back, as any savings I had are long since gone.  Recently, a family member decided to play a prank on me, by using my credit card bill to change my security info, so my credit, which I was living on and using to pay off other debt, was unavailable to me for a period of time, which destroyed what was left of my financial situation.  As a result, I am now homeless, and don't know how to fix my situation.  I'm on the list for emergency housing, but they say that will take years.

I have a lot of family, and recently asked them for help.  Literally, none of them will help me.  I come from an abusive family, so I didn't expect much from my parents, but I also have many siblings and none of them will help.  When I ask them why, they start out repeating the type of vague insults my parents would give us, and when I dig deeper, it seems they are punishing me for my parents behavior, not my own.  They use my deteriorating situation as proof that this treatment is just, because if I was good, I would have good luck.  The thing is, I just realized that literally none of them care whether or not I live or die.  I've suspected this for a while, no one seemed to care when I almost died in the car accident, and they let me go days without food when I couldn't walk, but I always told myself that they didn't really understand the situation.  This time, I'm sure that they understand.  They know that I don't have money or housing, they have guest rooms, they just don't want to help me.  They even know that this was caused by one of them playing with my credit card.  They don't care.  My little brother, who I grew up with since we are close in age, and who I thought was my closest relative, doesn't care.

The thing is, I've been going over my life since childhood, and realized they never cared.  That when they were nice to me, or showed concern, they wanted something.  And I gave them a lot, I made choices where I would sacrifice something important to my life so I could help them in a time of need.  While I didn't fully understand the long term effects of these choices at the time, over the years I came to understand that these choices had changed my life for the worse.  However, I accepted it because I had made them in good faith, and told myself that my siblings would do the same for me in a time of need.  Now that I know that's not true, and worse, that I was tricked into giving up something valuable to help people that didn't really need the help they were asking for, I'm having trouble accepting the choices I made.  It wasn't really necessary for me to give up the things I gave up, but now they are gone and irretrievable, I could have helped them in smaller ways.  I was stupid.  I can see now times when I was being manipulated and lied to, but it's too late.  Extremely low empathy runs in my family, which my parents have, but I don't (my empathy is higher than normal, which is common for people with normal empathy who grow up in abusive households, and I had to be taught to stop constantly asking people 'what's wrong'), but it seems like my siblings have low empathy as well.  

Now, I'm in this horrible place that will be very difficult to escape, with no one to help me, and surrounded by people who can, but won't help, and I'm wondering if it's worth it.  Should I just let go, and leave the world behind.  My friends all vanished when I became disabled, because it made them sad, and I live in constant pain that is managable on most days, but not every day, made worse by the fact that I don't have housing and can't get adequate rest.  I saw a therapist before things got this bad, and she told me that she couldn't help me because anti-depressants don't work on me, and therapy relies on something in my life going well, so that I can focus on that instead of what's wrong, and being depressed or even suicidal in my situation was normal.  She was even impressed by my coping mechanisms, but I still had housing then, and now even my illusions are gone.  

So the question is: How do I survive this?  and Should I survive this?
5 Responses
Avatar universal
First, you need to see a different therapist, though it will have to be when you can afford it -- there are community mental health centers you can try that tailor payment to your means.  Your therapist just wasn't any good if your reporting is accurate -- just because someone earns a degree doesn't make them good at their job.  As to the rest, I hear you -- my family doesn't care about me either.  You don't choose your family, you choose your friends, but friends are often quick to bail on you when you get sick -- people aren't always all that.  That's why a decent therapist is a good place to start -- you pay them to not run away, basically.
Avatar universal
Please delete this post.
Avatar universal
I don't know if this website allows deleting of posts or not, but just putting it on this thread probably won't do it.  Contact MedHelp to see if they'll do that.
Avatar universal
Hi With!  I can give you some advice that should help you.  I too am disabled from a car accident, mentally challenged and crushed spine.  I would recommend you go to the Department of Social Services and ask to speak to a sociologist about being homeless and other issues.  They'll bring you to their office and you two start talking.  Soon they'll have gallons of help.  As for the past, keep it there.  Water under the bridge, spilt milk.  You be who you WANT to be, keep your dignity, don't weigh yourself down with stuff you can't change.  Yes, your family contributed to the situation you find yourself in now, along with you being too trusting... but don't mix up being kind to others with being too giving.  Unless you have a mansion and a chauffeur, you cannot afford to give anything except time, if you have any!  Remember, the Christ said, "Don't throw pearls before swine."

But while the sociologists doing their thing, let me give you a few tips that MAY help you.  Obviously you need a job, and most states have a job bank or an employment security place, you can even look online, but it's even better to go to their offices and talk to a counselor in jobs there.  They have networking skills and might know of stuff you can do local that's not online.  Keep an eye on their online lists of jobs, in-between visits with your work counselor.  Also look in the newspaper at the library in the classifieds for jobs.  Keep in mind not to exceed hours that would interfere with your SS cash.

Now, as to housing, this must come first, altho you are on a list, because as you have realized, that doesn't get you anywhere right now.  And yes, you should STAY with our world, dear one.  Now, you should be getting Social Security benefits, a certain amount of money each month dropped into your checking account bank.  USE THAT to get you a room in a roommate house, they put their ads in the local paper and I guess on Craigslist (I'm not familiar), and hopefully the room is furnished... if not, flea markets or cheap antique stores may have a mattress (with sheet, throw, and pillow & case) and lamp and some knobs to hang your clothes on, plus a book and small paperweight to put on top, both next to a little lamp (your mattress will be on the floor).  Those small items next to your lamp will make you appear civilized.  

The cost as a roommate should be lower than a single apartment or duplex, plus before you actually move in, you will then have the opportunity to visit the place, check out the owner of the house and what all is in there, until you find a good fit.  Some roommates will become your friends.  Plan to go in the house's side or back yard and grow from seed a flower and vegie garden, which is instant food once it fills out, and you can put the flowers in your glass and on the eating table or living room for everyone to enjoy.  Keep your room in perfect order.  

While your garden grows, just do without eating much, maybe leave yourself just enough money to put milk in the refrigerator, and some bread and peanut butter and jelly, and some fruit.  That way you don't have to use any dishes, except DO buy a glass for milk and a fork (keep the fork in the glass), but you'll get your main food groups, and the roommates won't wonder about you.  Later, when your garden comes in, get a pot to boil any vegies, and a plate to put them on, and share when you can get enough plates.  Also, when you get a plate,  you can cook spaghetti.  

Wash your own clothes in the bathroom sink or tub.  Buy your shampoo and soap and a towel.  Be kind at all times with everyone in the house, no matter what their attitude is.  Stay low-key, tho.  If you can do that one thing, you will be giving something to everyone that they need... an acknowledgement, a pleasant break in their insufferable day, or a new friend who is also kind, and you get points for you in the eyes of everyone you meet.  This is why you must put your past away.  It's pretty tough to be kind to everyone, takes a lot of practice and devotion.

For physical and mental treatment, the county DSS also has a branch called Health Department, and they have docs and psychs, it's free if you have no income, or slight cost depending on any part-time job.  The docs can treat you for free and regularly, and the psychs and even sociologists are free and regular also, at no charge.  

If you're like me, you're in pain, so let me give you some tips.  Lyrica is very good for some pain and docs are more willing to prescribe it than the opiods.  You could probably use a tranquilizer, ordinary Valium is mild and most docs will give that, too, but be careful when you start them, you will become dependent immediately, so you have to be religious in how much you take, don't ask for more until at least a year has passed.  If they want you to have an antidepressant, I would say no, but if they insist, go for Zoloft, it's mild and yet the best one out there, 50mg is all you'll need, maybe 100mg eventually, but any more than that and you'll be sleepy and find yourself getting depressed, believe it or not.  Again, no cost.

Go out with your disability money, or what's left of it after you get a place to live, and buy a couple new skirts and jeans, then four blouses, all interchangeable in color and style.  You can wear the same shirt twice in a week with a diff pant and it's okay.  Pay real close attention to your appearance, brush your hair really well, shower daily when working, use a little eye shadow and lipstick is all you need.  Find time to relax, ask DSS if there's a free activity room place for poor people, with a TV, games, cards, books and mags.  Libraries have free use of computers for a half-hour, and a place to read some good magazines.

And if you find yourself getting bored, VOLUNTEER exactly that amount of time and at that time.  The hospital is a great place to do that, since they're up day and night.  Or the food bank (where right now you can get something to eat, or at the soup kitchen).  And keep daydreaming after you find a place to live, and use leftover money to eat a little, and eventually snag a part-time job (watch those hours as relates to disability money).  And then, dear one, you will have become a regular human being all over again, but a lot wiser!  Best wishes, GG
Avatar universal
My name is Robin.  I want to help and support others like you and me and everyone else on here.  I live in Atlanta.  I will be with my husband, Steve, at PIEDMONT park at the 14th Street gate at 9am on this Sunday morning, the 26th.  My husband has aspergers.  I have borderline personality and severe depression and am acutely suicidal. I want to live.  YOU DO TOO!  Meet us there.  My husband is super tall, I have dark, short hair, and we will ne carrying a red blanket.  Here is a link to a map of the park:

http://www.piedmontpark.org/visit/park_map.html
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