Aa
When is it better to cry?
The last time I reached out was disappointing, but I have another question. Perhaps somebody in the community will answer with a little more compassion than my last question generated. Okay, so when we're brokenhearted, does crying serve any therapeutic purpose? I'm wondering if I don't feel less depressed when I don't yield to tears. Then I wonder what happens if I stuff these feelings?
I work that gratitude list like you wouldn't believe. The gratitude list is what's kept me from absolute despair. That technique is simply about working a word or two like "gratitude," "peace," "love," even "beauty" and there are others, but "gratitude" is best... the technique works, these words are powerful (I call them "depression suppressants," lol) but I'm wondering about the need to cry. Does that dam of tears just behind my eyes have to break ... be given voice and space ... to go away? Or will it ever go away? I would really like it to go away.
I work that gratitude list like you wouldn't believe. The gratitude list is what's kept me from absolute despair. That technique is simply about working a word or two like "gratitude," "peace," "love," even "beauty" and there are others, but "gratitude" is best... the technique works, these words are powerful (I call them "depression suppressants," lol) but I'm wondering about the need to cry. Does that dam of tears just behind my eyes have to break ... be given voice and space ... to go away? Or will it ever go away? I would really like it to go away.
Best Answer
Just to let you know, I see what you are talkng about. I also have bipolar disorder for many years like you, and I know I am not "mislabeled," or more precisely, since I don't enjoy being profiled or labeled, "misdiagnosed."
Getting back to your post, I don't mind it when people cry, including myself. I worry more when I don't shed a tear. I can feel it inside, but I just couldn't cry, and I felt awful inside. Some people thought I was cold or steely when family died, and in a way, I was, because I had to finish practical things, like burying them. Only 3 people knew me well enough to see on my face and hear in voice that I was just holding it together. Afterwards, when things calmed down and there was just me and the hurt I was going through, it ripped right through me, and like you said, the dam caved. I wasn't looking or thinking about catharsis or getting in touch with my feelings. I just rolled with it and just felt what I was feeling, and a lot of it was raw emotional pain. I can't even describe what that was like. I've gone through a lot and helped a lot of people going through terrible, devastating things, but like I said before, when it's personal, it's a whole different understanding. Thinking about it now, I believe crying when I needed to cry, going through all those hard emotions, was the best thing I did for myself. I think when I allowed myself to just go through it without overthinking, without analyzing, and just knowing that in all of history and now, if people hurt like me and got through it, I could. I also came to the point when it has to do with grief, loss, getting hurt, feeling vulnerable and sensitive, I just don't analyze it or question it. I just am aware of it and I see where it takes me.
I've talk to therapists and even spoke to my doctors about it. They don't know the answers as much as anyone does. They don't make a fuss when I start to cry. They are prepared for crying since every single therapy and psychiatric office and room always has a tissue box handy. Crying is not pathological to me. I know people including myself who went through severe depression and couldn't shed a tear because we were so dead inside. I did know a woman, a fellow psych ward patient, who cried all the time, and I mean, every second of her waking hour, but she got better after her 3rd day in the hospital. I don't really know her issues, but she obviously looked lke she was in tremendous pain. I am just glad her pain eased up so soon after she got there.
How long it takes is how long it will take to get over something or someone. It has a lot to do with how deeply it matters, in what I see and what others have gone through. Just know, there isn't really a deadline. I think what matters is that time doesn't stand still for you and keeps you from growing inside yourself. It sounds like the power words helped you. I hold on to words too. My favorite one that kept me going was "believe." My pain eased up, and I could live with the loss. I don't know if it made me stronger or able to understand things better. I feel I understand myself and others better, but I don't have cognitive words for it.
There are some things that we understand that have no words for it, only a deeper level of feeling. I think that is where compassion come in. I know it made me kinder to myself and others, and I think that is a benefit for me, and I like it. I practice cognitive behavioral techniques and meditation and I know I am really good at it because it is easy for me to do after I also had a really good teacher who adapted it to me. It did change the way my brain functions, just as meditation did, as well as other things like some foods I eat and exercise. Everyone involved in my care: myself, doctors, therapists, etc. all practice for the whole, integral person, and are totally on board in that. We look at everything, including environment, culture, and interpersonal relationships, including communication. All open to suggestions and always try to collaborate. There is no ego involved.
That's what I have so far. I love Joshua Tree. One of my favorite places on earth:) I also cry when I get involved with a movie, see something really heartwarming, and I totally lose it on certain Superbowl commercials. I think I'm pretty real, and I like people showing how they feel if they can't actually say anything. It's also hard to warm up to someone when they don't show much emotion and keep you guessing or supposing.
I don't see in your last post that you are lashing out. I think you were saying exactly how you felt, and, for heavens sakes, you have a mood disorder like the others here, and it sounds like you are having it. I think there needs to be some sensitivity here.
Getting back to your post, I don't mind it when people cry, including myself. I worry more when I don't shed a tear. I can feel it inside, but I just couldn't cry, and I felt awful inside. Some people thought I was cold or steely when family died, and in a way, I was, because I had to finish practical things, like burying them. Only 3 people knew me well enough to see on my face and hear in voice that I was just holding it together. Afterwards, when things calmed down and there was just me and the hurt I was going through, it ripped right through me, and like you said, the dam caved. I wasn't looking or thinking about catharsis or getting in touch with my feelings. I just rolled with it and just felt what I was feeling, and a lot of it was raw emotional pain. I can't even describe what that was like. I've gone through a lot and helped a lot of people going through terrible, devastating things, but like I said before, when it's personal, it's a whole different understanding. Thinking about it now, I believe crying when I needed to cry, going through all those hard emotions, was the best thing I did for myself. I think when I allowed myself to just go through it without overthinking, without analyzing, and just knowing that in all of history and now, if people hurt like me and got through it, I could. I also came to the point when it has to do with grief, loss, getting hurt, feeling vulnerable and sensitive, I just don't analyze it or question it. I just am aware of it and I see where it takes me.
I've talk to therapists and even spoke to my doctors about it. They don't know the answers as much as anyone does. They don't make a fuss when I start to cry. They are prepared for crying since every single therapy and psychiatric office and room always has a tissue box handy. Crying is not pathological to me. I know people including myself who went through severe depression and couldn't shed a tear because we were so dead inside. I did know a woman, a fellow psych ward patient, who cried all the time, and I mean, every second of her waking hour, but she got better after her 3rd day in the hospital. I don't really know her issues, but she obviously looked lke she was in tremendous pain. I am just glad her pain eased up so soon after she got there.
How long it takes is how long it will take to get over something or someone. It has a lot to do with how deeply it matters, in what I see and what others have gone through. Just know, there isn't really a deadline. I think what matters is that time doesn't stand still for you and keeps you from growing inside yourself. It sounds like the power words helped you. I hold on to words too. My favorite one that kept me going was "believe." My pain eased up, and I could live with the loss. I don't know if it made me stronger or able to understand things better. I feel I understand myself and others better, but I don't have cognitive words for it.
There are some things that we understand that have no words for it, only a deeper level of feeling. I think that is where compassion come in. I know it made me kinder to myself and others, and I think that is a benefit for me, and I like it. I practice cognitive behavioral techniques and meditation and I know I am really good at it because it is easy for me to do after I also had a really good teacher who adapted it to me. It did change the way my brain functions, just as meditation did, as well as other things like some foods I eat and exercise. Everyone involved in my care: myself, doctors, therapists, etc. all practice for the whole, integral person, and are totally on board in that. We look at everything, including environment, culture, and interpersonal relationships, including communication. All open to suggestions and always try to collaborate. There is no ego involved.
That's what I have so far. I love Joshua Tree. One of my favorite places on earth:) I also cry when I get involved with a movie, see something really heartwarming, and I totally lose it on certain Superbowl commercials. I think I'm pretty real, and I like people showing how they feel if they can't actually say anything. It's also hard to warm up to someone when they don't show much emotion and keep you guessing or supposing.
I don't see in your last post that you are lashing out. I think you were saying exactly how you felt, and, for heavens sakes, you have a mood disorder like the others here, and it sounds like you are having it. I think there needs to be some sensitivity here.
I commented to another poster, after you declared that you were leaving the site (which I'm happy to see you didn't).
THEN, I addressed you directly.
We're not the bad guys here. Not sure why you're lashing out, we've only tried to help you. Hope you find the answers you're looking for.
THEN, I addressed you directly.
We're not the bad guys here. Not sure why you're lashing out, we've only tried to help you. Hope you find the answers you're looking for.
I'm right here. I'm the person posting. You're responding ABOUT me, discussing me between the two of you in the third person. I'm back on the playground dealing with the mean girls in 6th grade..
I was thinking the same thing. I'm not sure where the anger is coming from, I too only see helpful and caring replies? Even when I looked on her other thread, I don't see anything to the extent that she is seeing it. Sure, we don't always LIKE what others have to say, but that's the beauty of a site/forum like this. You always get unbiased, honest answers. The saying I like the best is take what you want and leave the rest.
OP, I hope you reconsider your stance. I think you're feeling defensive and are reading things into posts that simply aren't there. This site is full of wonderfully smart and supportive people.
Any which way...I wish you ther very best.
OP, I hope you reconsider your stance. I think you're feeling defensive and are reading things into posts that simply aren't there. This site is full of wonderfully smart and supportive people.
Any which way...I wish you ther very best.
Oh, I forgot, I also wanted to say I forgot to say why I felt it was important to point out that CBT is cognitive behavioral therapy and not brain therapy. I failed miserably at it, and most people find it hard to do, but it's not the brain we're trying to change directly because nobody knows how to do that -- nobody knows why these conditions exist -- but the negative behavior is what the therapy aims at under the belief that if you change the thinking and negative behavior repeatedly the brain will alter itself. The behavior part is important.
I just want to say, I've looked at these posts and they all seem very kind and supportive. I don't know why the person posting felt these were irritating responses, everyone seems to want to help the poster move on and understand. Seeing antagonism where there isn't any is a sign of depression -- some like to label this a form of bipolar, but I think that label is way overused. It's just easy to be overwhelmed by life not going that well and see negative intent where there isn't any. It's much better to get views that are contrary to how we normally think since, well, we wouldn't be on here if we were happy with how things were going. I hope the poster hangs in there with some place where people try to help and not just comfort even if it's not here. Peace to all.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Depression Community
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Discover the common symptoms of and treatment options for depression.
We've got five strategies to foster happiness in your everyday life.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
I hope you find the peace you seek! HUGS