Anniversaries

[whodunnit]

Do you suffer when an anniversay looms or arrives? Or Christmas, or birthdays? Any anniversaries. I have just realised I've had one yesterday and today and it's knocked me flat. It's the day my ex, the dragon as I call her now, stole my kids and left me high and dry. No warning. I went to work that day, day after Father's Day, with all the normal stuff, not a whiff of anything and came home to an empty house. We were interstate at the time and she took everything and left me with.. a broken heart and an anger that has built every day since. She's never said a word about it, never apologised, never explained.

I have had contact with those kids but they aren't the kids I lost. One I can't talk with as we are both so angry, the other is okay but we can't ever talk about what happened. It's like 3 invalids in a hospital.

The main thing I get out of these memories are extreme sadness, indeed misery as I recall that night she left, the alone feeling and desperate need to know where they were. But the main feeling I have about all of that is rage and hate, for her. I haven't let myself be in the same State as her ever since for fear of what may happen and I am about to miss my daughter's wedding because of it. I was invited buit I explained to my daughter that if I went there'd be havoc, I couldn't control my anger if I was there. So I stay home.

I used to love memories, they were good and happy andheart warming but since D hit me they don't seem to exist, or are overwhelmed by this type of stuff.

How do you cope?

[whodunnit]

Thanks for your thoughts. I was really thinking about all in the forum when I wrote this post though as I've already been through this one and survived, again. So I was hoping you all found ways to deal with your times and get through it without the agonies we sometimes feel.

As to time healing all things? Sorry, this is the 23rd year since she stole my kids. The memory doesn't ever go away for that I'm afraid. A child of 8 and a child of 10, once taken away, are gone and never come back. They are different people afterwards.

Why this years hit is simply becuase the day it happened was a work Monday immediately after Father's Day and this year was a repetition but I wasn't expecting it as I 'd been fine for years. Sometimes it just knocks you out of your easy chair don't it?

As to God giving me strength, thanks for the thought but  I do not believe in God so I must give myself that strength.

I must point out too that saying is also the one used by AA and a number of mental health support groups (GROW). It's a good saying but it's just words and means little unless you are able to practice it. I haven't yet achieved that, fully at least. Thanks for the thought though as I do know so many that get a lot from that saying.

[ILADVOCATE]

Its best to keep track of them and understand them and be emotionally prepared for them. For example I had no idea until years passed why every October I had to go through a sudden medication change. As it turned out when I thought back it was an anniversary date for when my stepfather passed on and I had a psychotic break and started needing medication. After that I was ready for it and could understand it better (and didn't neccesitate a change in medications as the anticipated stress that would make them stop working would no longer happen). Once you know they will happen it makes it a bit easier. Anticipate the expected emotional turmoil and be prepared. That's just my take.

[iam1butterfly]

The 1 year anniversary of the day that my boyfriend dumped me looms...
September 25th.
... haven't seen or heard from him since
... don't think of him as often as I used to
... doesn't hurt as much as it once did
... Time, they say, heals all wounds... I'll know how true that is in 2 weeks.

[BSandT]

Here is a quote the I have found some solace in when all seems lost...

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  - Reinhold Niebuhr