confused

[neenaw]

ok well, am where do i start. im 16 and have experienced some sucidal thoughts in the past and have seen a therapist and gp in the not so distant past, the thing is i dont actually know whats wrong  with me. i dont want to go into too much detail, but heres my "crisis" i have started feeling those thoughts again i dont know if its depression or what but i started self harming its only minor things nothing too serious, i usually just do it when im angry and this sounds really weird/creepy but i kinda get an adreline rush when i do,.i dont know whats wrong with me,.. theres nothing in particular thats stressing me or causing me to feel like i used to when i felt down before. the therapist just told me i was afraid of the future and maturing but i dont know? please help.

[SLadylani]

:) I'm glad my story could help you. You definitly can get through this, and as I said before, this too shall pass. 16 and 17 seemed liked they would never end, but now that I'm 23, almost 24, life goes by fast, and now I see that I just had to get through the rough parts of life in order for it to get better. And now, I have a story of hope to offer people at that age that it is trully possible to overcome difficult times. I promise life will get better, and soon you will have a story that you can share to the next person that will help them at this time in their life so they too can overcome this difficult time. Keep in touch and best wishes :)

Sara RN

[neenaw]

thank you for your advice,.. it really helps knowing that other people have gone through this too and have overcome it... thanks

[SLadylani]

Hi, I'm Sara and I'm a former self'harmer/chronic suicide attempter. I started self-harming when I was 14 and had my first suicide attempt at 15. I'm glad you came to this website and are reaching out for help. When I self-harmed I usually did it when I was angry too and seemed to get an adrenaline rush out of it as well. The blood from cutting seemed to literally release some of the anger and pain I felt. Being that you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, I do think that is serious. As a former suicide attempter, in recovery for a year now, I know you need to take those thoughts seriously and get help before it's too late. Self-harming is just the first step to a suicide attempt, which could end up being an actual suicide. I saw therapists since I was 8 years old (my mom put me into therapy at a way too young age, just because she thought I'd have problems after the divorce). I had some good therapists, and some bad therapists. I suggest giving therapy another try. I also suggest getting to your doctor ASAP and getting a refferal to a psychiatrist so you can be treated for your depression, as I do think you are depressed right now. Have you ever been on those medications before? I was precribed medications but often didn't take them because I thought they'd change who I was. Now that I'm a little more mature and older, 23, and a nurse, RN, I know that's not true. Anti-depressents just get you back to feeling like yourself again, help you to get intrest back in the things you used to enjoy that you've stopped doing due to depression, and keeps self-harming thoughts at bay. And just because you are prescribed them now does not mean you have to be on them for the rest of your life. Also, since you are 16 your school can be a really good resource to give you numbers to crisis hotlines that you can call every time you feel the urge to self harm or get suicidal thoughts. Here's one number I have. 1.800.479.3339. What your therapist told you before is not completely true. Like I said before, there are therapist that will work for you, and some that won't, just don't give up trying. Yes, it's true that most people your age go through a certain extent of depression, but when it gets to self-harming or thoughts of suicide, that is abnormal, and the depression has gone too far. Depression usually does not really have a particular reason for onset, some people are prone to it due to genetics and/or environment. It doesn't mean you are afraid of the future. But I do highly suggest you try seeing another therapist, one who doesn't tell you what's wrong with you, but one that listens and gives a different perspective and feeedback on your veiwpoints and can be there to guide you through the problems you go to and heklp you get started on some positive coping skills. It's ok to interview therapists before deciding on one. Talk to them on the phone to see if you like them. You can even schedule an appointment and if it doesn';t work you don't have to go back to that one. But either way, I really suggest you see your doctor as soon as you can to talk about everything you just posted here and how you've been feeling. Ask about seeing a psychiatrist and therapist and for resources/crisis hotlines or support groups. Definitely keep us posted and know this website is always here if you need us. Good luck and best wishes, and I hope you feel better soon, and please, don';t hurt yourself because you deserve so much more! I promise, life gets better and one day you will realize that you are a worthwhile person that deserves to live!

Sara RN'