help for spouses who take paxill

[lonelywife]

My husband has taken paxill for over 4 years. He is not the same man anymore. Did paxill change your spouse? He seems more angry and yet also seems like he doesn't care about things anymore. What is going on?

[creston1966]

Hi there again.  I hope I did not offend you with my response.  Only you know what is best for you.  When I asked about therapy I really meant is he in therapy?  Maybe ask a different doctor about the Paxil as well?  Any decent, informed doctor would address this by lowering, replacing, or removing the Paxil.   Does your husband realize how he's changed?  

You should be commended on 28 years.  That's amazing nowadays.  I hope I can make it that long.  Interestingly, I feel like a lonely husband, and I'm the one fighting depression.  For men, its almost always an issue of pride and insecurity.  For you and him, he needs to address this issue.  

Wishing you peace and understanding


Creston

[lonelywife]

Thanks for your comment. We have been married for 28 years so I'm not throwing in the towel just yet, but it seems the longer he's on this stuff, the more he changes. I just want some way to help him/us. And no, I'm not on any theraphy. 1's enough. But it does help to know that others care.


Thanks ettebette, also.

[creston1966]

Hi.  I'm sorry you're feeling this way.  I'm coming from the perspective of your husband.  I've been fighting and struggling mightily with depression for some years.  Last 3 or 4 being really trying.  Been on a number of medications, therapy, etc.  It helps sometimes, sometimes it doesnt.   Your husband sounds like he is very troubled and depressed.  Is he seeking help?  

I agree with ettebette.  You need to sit down and talk with him.  And be straight, but not attacking or accusing.  You have your needs to.  It's all to natural for us husbands to get lost in ourselves and push away the one's we love.  I've almost left my marriage a few times, mostly because I hate how I feel and who I am sometimes and dont want to put her through my moods anymore.  I've been so lucky my wife has stuck it out with me.  Even when I pushed away.  We all change, we arent the person we married years ago...depression or not.  You have to do what you have to do for you.  My personal desire has been to stay and work it out....thick and thin, good and bad.  Some day, maybe she'll be sick and need me.  Maybe she becomes different and needs more of me than I of her.  I dont know, maybe it balances out.  But I understand the frustration and lonely feeling.  And, knowing at least some of this is a disease, but doesnt make it any easier.  We all have our needs.

It is quite possible a lot of his behavior is the Paxil.  But I'm thinking may be more issue with inner struggles he is having.  It must hurt that he pushes you away.  He's probably not that lovable right now.  Hope that changes, but wont happen without the work necessary.  

I really hope you find peace and the right answer for you.  


Creston

[ettebette]

Have you expressed your concerns to your husband?  Perhaps Paxil, or the dosage he is on is not right for him.  Have a frank talk with him, and discuss your observations.  Perhaps you both could sit down with his doctor and discuss this.  There are many, many other antidepressants out there.  Perhaps this one isn't the right one for him.  I'm not a doctor, so this is just a suposition of mine.  Does your husband and/or you have a therapist?  If not, it might be a good idea.  You both could use a support system.  Your doctor can give you the names of some excellent therapists in your area.  Keep in touch, and good luck.

Many blessings,

Ellen