my apology

[mandy876]

I am sorry that I requested to speak with a certain.  I like a lot of people on here.  im not popular.  but I did make some friends.  I do not have anyone blocked.  I like people I am a good person.  I just couldn't accept the death of my dad, my hubby, and then my mom.  also in there I had a mascectomy.  with chemo.  guess everything just knocked me to the floor.  my niece moved in I was not eating she forced me to get my hair fixed and went to the cotton patch and had chicken fried steak.  I would not be here if is was not for her.  she was disowned by her mom.  her boy friend broke her arm she could not work and she lost her truck. I have started losing weight again. I  am sorry if I sounded harsh or mean im not that kind of person.  mandy876

[mandy876]

you sound like a re;ally nice person.  I don't wanr to live without them.  hank you for writing me.  I kind of took a bunch of steps backward after harsh words.  I got all angry again.  I hate that feeling.  I know this is wrong but im still mad at god.  I know that is wrong.  everyone says he has a reason.  wish I knew what it was.  I miss my fam ily.  I cried so much  I had no more tears.  I was just getting where I could talk to my sister but I have gone back and im mad at her for not being there when I needed her.

[MYoungAtHeart]

Dear Mandy

I am so happy to see you here....You have really made an impression on a lot of the members here.....

Last year 3 members of my family passed away and my sweet little kitty also.  I became very angry and argumentative with everyone, it is my way of dealing with pain and sorrow....I asked how everything that was good and gentle and beautiful just got taken away from me and it seemed like no one really cared or even had feelings about the same family members passing on.....

I started writing little notes to myself on envelopes, old bills, pieces of paper, and watched as they piled up on the corner of the desk and one day said to myself, " That is Just So Sad I Can't Tell Anyone These Feelings " and saw how my anger was not drawing anyone in but pushing away those that might want to and be able to help me.  I started crying and cried for weeks getting that sadness out that was being slathered over with the anger...

Today, a year later, I write everyday, say my prayers for strength and insight, do a few exercises like stretches and read motivational literature that is found freely on the internet, and you can search out any spiritual sites that you think might help you.  You have a lot of love and caring inside you and that really shows in your writing, please know that in asking your God for help will open up that little coin purse you keep tucked away in your heart and the gold will spill out and brighten your life and attitude.

Please know that we care, and any one of us will answer if you do need to talk

M

[mandy876]

I would like that very much.  you get to have all the snow and we get all the warm weather and very little snow.  it snowed  last month and  my niece put the cat out and he was staring at the snow.  no way was he going to walk on that stuff.  he scratched on the door I let him back in he ran straight to the foot of my bed. the next day it had all melted he would not go out he was afraid of the snow I guess he had never seen snow.  hen sleeps on my feet keeps them warm.

[Nighthawk61]

Hello Dear Mandy, You have had a hard time haven't you honey? I've lost both my parent's too, and I lost my second husband to juvenile diabetes, and I know just how hard that can be on a person. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, and we go through it alone, don't we , when we lose our best friend in the world ~ the one we go to when we're feeling blue? It is good that you had the mastectomy and dealt with that, in order to live on, although I'm assuming that it can be quite depressing for anyone to ever lose a part of their body, especially in this day and age, when our looks are so relied upon (by virtue of the entertainment industry) for our identity.  But, it is not our identity, and I know at 72 you know that. At 51, I can't even recognize myself anymore, my age just hit overnight, and i started to read scripture, and it really made me feel better, and understand that although our bodies are magnificent, that we are in fact, dust, and will go back to dust, soon enough. It's helped me to accept the changes of growing older. I posted a marvelous book I found from the 1800's, and if you are a Christian, you might want to read it. It give's me strength in the changes of our lives as I grow older.

I'm so sorry that your niece has been abused, but thank God that you have found each other. Keep getting out as much as you can Mandy, and be grateful you're in Texas, and not up here in the freezing cold (Ontario). You're so lucky to have been born in the States. Please don't feel too bad about sounding harsh to the person that you're talking about, it happens on here more times than you know. Life is not easy, is it? and everyone is capable of lashing out, but not everybody is capable of making an apology, are they? You're a good women Mandy and I hope to hear more from you. In fact, I'll send you a  bit of a message, and maybe we can chat? Liz

[mandy876]

I am glad to hear from you.  I have had a couple of rough days.  when I am nervous I lose weight I cant afford to lose weight I weigh less than 100lbs.  being depressed doesn't help.  I bet you are not ugly.  I bet you are a lovely person.  you got one good thing you still trust in god.  I believe in him he just put too much in me I cant handle all this.  I guess he is trying ti tell me something.  I was angry at everyone for a long time. they just went on living like nothing happened.  mandy876

[nirvana1234]

Hey, im sorry for your lost ones, Wow must be hard and very traumatic. Im sure you are a good person with great feelings, and is normal to sometimes feel angry and sad.. I mean life has been really unfair and tuff but hold in there.. Have a lil bit of hope and faith, I suffer from depression where I cant eat and I easily lose weight, I get depressed when I lose weight because I feel ugly like a skinny person that looks sick.. I hate how I look when I get skinny Im usually a slim person but normal, but I start losing weight and I look ugly, I have lost like abt 20lbs.. I hate it.. But I know I need to eat even thought im not hungry but I have to.. I cant let myself go so easily.. Just pray to god no matter what god does love us. God helps me stay strong...