rejection

[bobo1947]

dealing with a son who has rejected his parents

[myenzoorka]

I just see two different viewpoints of one life.  You and his mother think you were wonderful parents.  He thinks you weren't great parents.  What really happened isn't as important as what people felt about what happened.  If he feels you need to be out of his life so that he can enjoy it, then that's what has to happen.  HIs need isn't going to change because you're offended or hurt by it.  His need won't change because of your needs.  He's trying to do what makes him feel well again.  And while it can be heartbreaking, you should, as his parent, want him to feel and live better.  Perhaps if you can control yourselves from making him feel awful about doing what he feels he needs to do, you will find he will warm up to you more in the future.

I have a very strong feeling that you were too demanding of him - that lead to anxiety and, to this day, he cannot shake the instinct to try to meet the demands he thinks you have for him (even if some are impossible).  In that case, needs to source of the anxiety removed from his life.  Perhaps during this time you are apart from your son, you could reexamine your parenting style and his behavior as a child/teen/young adult.  You might find some problems you previously overlooked.

[bobo1947]

He is 36. Married with two children ages 4 and 2. He is a radiologist. His wife is an internist.
He has been sober for about 4 years. He always had problems as a child and getting along with people. He is very bright. 3 years ago he told his mother and me that we were the source of his anxiety and really didn;t like us for a variety of reasons. We were phoney,cheap secretive,his mother controlling, have no friends and on and on . For the last three years we have done everything he wanted,. We retired to the same town and have been at his beck and call to watch the kids take food over etc. He remained distant and hurtfull. Just now he has called me hisand said he does not want to see us at all. His wife has tried to work with us on this. But she now has stepped out in order to help her husband and his wishes.He is in treatment with a psychiatrist having started a month ago. We saw him last Sunday he was uncommunicative and called me on Monday informing me that he was cutting off all communication as we made him anxious in his home and it was over. My wife has gone to therapy on this. We have talked and talked to him about it . He gets very angry and says we will never change. We love him more than anything, yet he hates us.As a child and as a student we had to push him to conform to rules and control his rebellous antics. We denied his drinking and we now think drug use as a youth. He is very bright having acheived Phi Beta Kappa  and academic honors.We only want him to accept us and try to get along. His distant and non communicative behavior this past 3 yrs we  have put up with but nothing has changed until he now says stay away completely.

[mammo]

We need to know more, how old is he, and what happened for him to do this?