I have caused extreme hardships on my famiy and cannot get rid of the extreme guilt

[Kathy1116]

The hardships I have caused my family has led me to file Chapter 13 bankruptcy.  I got carried away with credit cards and didn't realize it until it was too late.  While my husband has "forgiven" me I cannot forgive myself and feel that my family would be much better off without me.  I even tried to get my husband to divorce me after 37 years but he won't.  I have lost all interest and am currently on Prozac 20mg.  But that doesn't seem to be helping anymore.  I find it hard to get dressed everyday, or even do my own personal hygiene.  I just don't care and cannot feel anything but self loathing after what I have done to my family.  If I had the courage I would commit suicide, but I'm too stupid to even try that.  I went to a therapist and she wanted to do cognitive behavior therapy but I cannot look at myself and tell myself that I deserve to be happy, because I certainly don't.  At this point I'm getting very near to my wits end.  Any suggestions?

[mammo]

I think you need to accept that you made a mistake and are dealing with it.  You have your husband's support, and to feel and act as you are is only causing them more problems!  I don't think you realize or appreciate how fortunate you are. Chapter 13 is not a big deal especially in today's economy, and you have the love and support of your family.  You can make all this up to them (although I feel they don't think it's necessary) by being a good wife and mother.  As a family you can get through anything, don't abandon them now.  To even consider suicide is wrong.  How do you think your husband and children would feel if you did this? How could they cope?  Chapter 13 would pale in comparison!!!  Start thinking about them and what you can do to help the family get through this difficult time.  If you can't do all this for yourself, then do it for them.  I've lost a child, a grandson, and both parents when I was very young, to me, you have no problems.  Everyone is together,healthy and loving, that's everything!  You feel that YOU are at your wits end, what about your family's feelings right now?  I think it's time you concentrate on all the good in your life, and stop dwelling on how you got to where you are because it doesn't matter!  You're here, now make the best of it and think of your family!

[ILADVOCATE]

Actually feelings of guilt can be part of depression. You made some mistakes and you are right to be concerned and seek help. Suicide is not courageous. Don't even think about it. Seeking help is the right thing to do. Speak to your psychiatrist about the fact that the medication you take isn't helping you as much as it should and they can decide what to do from there. For further information on depression google "Depression Central". As for cognitive behavioral therapy for many people it can be quite helpful in addition to medication. Tell yourself that you want to live and just need help and don't make any decisions as regards your life in general until things are stabilized.