Am I being too hard on myself?

[frillz]

My BF of 2 years and I have been separated for the past one month now. I was just having a little melt down last night while watching a stupid romantic movie haha. I started questioning myself. May be something is fundamentally wrong with me that I couldn’t keep this relationship. It will be a bit long but let me tell you in detail. So I was going through a lot of family issues in the beginning. I told him that my life is going to be a roller coaster for a bit he said I am your knight in the shinning Armour we will deal with it together. Due to that stress I was a bit agitated. I’ll say I tried to convince him that he shouldn’t be with me and that he doesn't deserve to be with me as I have so many family issues right now. He insisted that he is going to stay, showing up at my work to drop me off and stuff. In that time, he started talking to his previous fling (who was engaged to someone else) and two other girls he met at a bar. 6 months after I was using google maps on his phone and a message popped up so how was your night. I asked him who is this as the number wasn’t saved he goes no one my friend. He then changed that number to his buddy’s name. I figured out who that is and asked him to stop. He said he has stopped and that he was doing this because i was pushing him away and he wanted to seek peace somewhere. We were full fledge dating and he told that girl I am just an on and off girl. how I know well her fiance caught her and she messaged me saying plz tell ur bf not to tell anything to my fiancé. I came to know about them talking in September he was talking to her since april and she got caught in November. other than that two other girls he would talk to in a bit seductive way. He claims he never met them and i believe it. From there about the downfall started. I started being insecure, fighting with him, fighting with myself that I need to let go. Some days would be great some bad. If he’s on his phone a lot i would be like who are you messaging. His phone started being dead or left at home or in the car so I fought on that. Anyways all was going well till another fling of his messaged him. Again both of us were using his phone and I saw the message. Moved on but obviously insecure girl with fights sometimes. He doesn’t really have patience and is short tempered. If I am saying something and not making sense of it he would start arguing with me. All this time he didn’t have a job and I was the one spending on everything and had my own bills too so that was adding a lot of pressure as well.Now he says, he loves me but he wasn’t 100 percent happy. he was happy but not the happiest. I am just thinking that is it me that my nagging pushed him away? whenever we fought he would turn to social media and start messaging girls. We haven’t broken up formally and he is telling begging girls that I am single please meet me. Tells me I am sexually frustrated like u wont understand and hence probably begging the girls to meet him. He was talking to another girl, that’s his former best friends sister. I asked him who is she he told me she’s just like a sister to me what is wrong with you. But I guess woman’s intuition is never wrong. He is now trying to hook up with her and I came to know that the girl’s first was my BF. So he lied right there too. How can you say she’s like my little sister and try to hook up with her. I don’t know if these are just to justify myself or was I wrong. Obviously my frnds and family will say no you weren’t wrong he’s wrong but I need to know so I can

[clement4now]

Any relationship that makes you doubt yourself and makes you feel insecure, is not a relationship that you need to be in. It's time to focus on you right now. Listen to your intuition, it's trying to tell you that something isn't right with this relationship. Don't waste your time or money on this guy anymore; he's already proven that you can't trust him because he lies a lot and he's dishonest about hooking up with other girls. You'll probably feel a lot better about yourself, once he's gone...
Take Care :)

[AnnieBrooke]

Sounds like it is time to let the relationship go and deal with your family issues and work on finding some peace for yourself, without a boyfriend.  Get grounded, get some rest, get to be happy with yourself.