marijuana conflict

[LovinLife]

I am wondering if anyone has experience with dating someone who smokes marijuana regularly?  Smoking marijuana is not unusual, but the conflict/problem I do not smoke marijuana and have no interest in doing so.  My boyfriend  smokes a lot, and has friends that smoke regularly, and I wonder how our lifestyles would fit together, with him smoking and me not smoking.  None of my friends smoke either, so there is a difference in the group of friends we have.  I  am a bit of a health "nut", so I don't see myself ever starting at all.   He doesn't seem to have any problems of anger or any ill effects from the smoking, so for him it works and he is happy.   He says he will phase out the smoking when I am around, but I am wondering if anyone else has had this issue in relationships?  At the moment, we aren't together as I made a big deal out of whether I would be happy with someone who smoked (and whose circles of friends smoke)..

Anyone?

[MM_McGee]

I smoke grass. When I have it, I smoke it 24/7 from a dugout, which means a few hits a few times a day, and when I don't have it, I don't jones for it or even look very hard, which makes sense because it's not physically addictive. I'm a very published academic getting my PhD and run a business, which together keeps me at the national median income with a few hours of work a day, and I raise 2 kids who get hours of my love of nature, play, parks, and jazz with me almost every day. So, the first thing to know is that pot use is not a moral issue or one of motivation. The people complaining about the smokers they've dated were people who dated losers who smoked rather than responsible winners who smoke (like the lawyers and 140K/yr. sales rep friends of mine). There's no connection between weed and success, and none has every been scientifically proven. These girls dated boys, not men, and maybe that's the real issue for you.

Second, if you don't like him doing it and think you're going to change him, don't bother. It'll become a power issue later on if you really care about it (in other words ,you'll use it as an issue to control HIM, berate him, to explain anything that goes wrong or any mistakes he makes, just like the government uses its illegality for power and control). He doesn't need you using this power over him and you don't need to use it over him. I've been with enough women who don't smoke to know how they act about it to suspect that it's not going to work out. Unless you really don't care; but the stats show that women, after they get married and especially after they have kids, do complete 180s on this issue (like they do on all kinds of other issues related to the personal freedom of their responsible, loving husbands).

Finally,don't blame the use or him for your breakup like these other nasty harpies. If you weren't a drinker and he was, it would also be an issue, too. Just chalk it up to lifestyle differences (like the real people who posted here), remember what you like about him, look for those qualities in your next mate, and move on with a nice hug. Who knows? Maybe the next guy will like fruity drinks  or whatever you're into as much as you do : )

[Trialanderror]

I have only worked, not lived, with a few people who had been smoking pot for decades. No matter what they say about it being harmless, they were a nightmare to work with. No sense of urgency, no responsibility, busted deadlines. That`s not what you want in a relationship either. The scariest one was a guy who in addition went on anti-depressants. He threatened to "take out" the whole work place once a week. Alcohol can do just the same. Personally, I would just not enjoy living with an addictive personality partner and if you are a "health nut" as you say, you are pretty sure better off sticking to your own group of friends. Good move.

[mags59]

I was married to a man who smoked pot 24/7 (he even got up in the middle of the night to smoke a joint - he couldn't even sleep without being stoned).  If he ran out of weed, he'd get VERY nasty.  All he thought about night and day is where he was going to get more.  I've always thought that marijuana was a harmless drug; I still do to a certain extent, just as alcohol can be harmless (or harmful to someone who drinks too much of it).  But now I think differently.  If he smokes all the time, then he has a problem, because just like an alcoholic, he cannot cope with life's ups and downs without being stoned.  If I were you, I'd get rid of him (I did) and find someone who appreciates and respects what your beliefs are.

[kelliestarr]

Omg let me tell you first off this relationship won't work out in the long run there will just be too many differences between you two. I got out of a relationship just like this one he smoked and I didn't and still don't. Okay he may act nicely while smoking but I can tell you 100% this will change ecspecially if you ever move in together. As for my own expericence he would put his weed before paying the rent or the bills which was very hard on me. His friends may end up not liking you just because you don't smoke and this will cause problems. My relationship worked for about a year but then he just got more into his weed and the relationship went down hill. I put up with it for along time and I will never go out with a guy who smokes weed again. It just won't work and there are so many other great guys out there to choose from.

Good luck to you and I hope everything works out for you.

Ohh and I'd like to add : He said this to you-

(He says he will phase out the smoking when I am around)

Also in the long run he won't like doing this one trust me. If he has to do this then why not go out with someone else?

[Milly116]

yep, mine used to grow  stuff too. Our bedroom was all low lights, soil and green leaves. very unpleasant, but for some reason, i stuck with him. I must have had very low self esteem and confidence. To be honest, he did have some control over me, like put up with this or get the hell out, or this is the way you met me... etc

We live and learn...

[sarbearie]

most of the posts are correct.
I ve lived with my parents and
my mother does not and my dad does.
it will be an endless battle unless each of you are very independent
and mind your own lifestyle it has alot to do with each personality
opposited do attract ussually.But not forever sometimes.
And not always.
Personally i wouldnt even go there,dont take the risk
It may be extremly hard to brake up or to seperate untill he aggress to stop.
But its Alright because you have to do whats best for you.
The heart is an trecherous thing.(cant spell!)
In other words:
Only you can save your heart,you cant tell someone how to love,or how not too.
IT always has to learn on your own. <3
And most of us will admit and aggree to that.
ME being young i have really aggred and accepted that as a apart of life.

glad to help be safe,live and let live
<3